gutted like a fish caught down the stream on a Thursday
you pulled out all my ribs and send my innards down the drain - they
didn't say a thing to make you hesitate to chop off my head
detach my brains and let me be dead, no
you chopped me into pieces, gave me no mercy
if I were still alive I'm sure the very sight would haunt me
but now my spirit has lifted from my slimy flesh
There's nothing left of me anyhow
all of me's inside of you now
go on and digest me just let me confess one thing
before you forget me (you straight up just left me)
remember I was gutted before you even drew the knife
I was honest 'bout my life, my only defense a flimsy butter knife
you saw inside me before you even thought you did
you saw me like you oughta did - but haughtiness clouded your conscience
you fancied me a piece of meat, "a treasure" you wanted to seek
but all you really did was eat me, feed me, stab, cut, hurt, and deceive me
like a fish on the slab, you tried to treat me
no wonder now your breath smells so fishy
you can't be trusted yet you say you miss me
I never considered you less than family yet this is what you do,
what you do
do not
act like you know me, talk about me like you loved me though I'm gone
acting foolish is wrong, and the fool is you, in this song
you thought I was a good catch when you saw me in your net
but you haven't caught me yet, and you never will
you made the mistake when you let me spill
and decided to throw my flesh on the grill
to be fair, stickin' my gills took some skill, but
as the cutter, you have my blood on your hands
so forget where you stand according to your own demands
cause in reality you're dead in the water
the next fish awaiting the time of their slaughter
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139,241 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
i love this so much xD
OMG thank you so much!!
Hiii soundofmind!!
Um. I don't really review poetry/lyrics - actually, I usually run in the opposite direction when I see it. But I kinda wanted to read your sick rap, and besides, I seriously need something to review. xD
I thought this was really cool
and somewhat amusing, how you compared this heartache(?) to a fish being gutted and thrown on the grill. It all flowed into each other very nicely, though I will agree with the previous reviewers about the "what you do, do not" lines - that threw me off. But this was just way too clever! I love the lines of "you fancied me a piece a meat, a 'treasure'" and, "no wonder your breath smells so fishy" and especially how this is considered a "good catch".I just had a few question marks pop over my head when reading the first stanza. Like, I'm wondering who the "they" is - you don't make mention of them again. And to be honest, at certain points in this, I thought the narrator of this actually was a fish, haha. The line "but now my spirit has lifted from my slimy flesh" made me think a moment. I don't see what the slimy flesh signifies...?? You're comparing this to a fish, but you're not a fish! And you make that clear, too, with how you were gutted like a fish, and treated like a fish on a slab. So, actually making it sound like you are a fish was a little odd.
I didn't really like how both lines ended with "knife", but alas, I am no poet, so ack - no tips here! I also don't see what the "flimsy butter knife" is supposed to represent...?
I LOVE how you ended this, those last two lines. Like I said, this whole thing was super clever and fun to read. I totally enjoyed it.
Anyhow.
Hope this helped somewhat.
Keep up the great work! aaand Happy #RevMo !!
cheerios for now,
~rosette
AA thank you so much for your review!!
hahaha it's funny, I didn't even really think about this bordering so close on the "is the author actually a fish" thing because of the language hahaha
AND I GET YOU, rhyming knife with knife isn't exactly creative at all haha but idk I liked it at the time? I think I tried to compensate with the "life" earlier in the line as a rhyme instead
BUT YEAH, I'm glad you found this amusing hahaha, I do too
omg, thank you so much! Yeah, the what you do/do not phrase is meant to kind of switch it up a bit, but the way I hear it in my head, it works haha. One of these days I'll have to record it
Stellar last hurrah
hahah thanks
Hello, Fea here to review (even though I hardly ever review any poetry or lyrics so this will probably be bad but I'll try XD)
Wow! I honestly don't have much I dislike about this: the rhythm is good, the lyrics make sense, and the point you're getting across is really clear. If you decide to record this, definitely throw me a tag
The only piece of criticism I have lies here:
"I never considered you less than family yet this is what you do,
what you do
do not
act like you know me, talk about me like you loved me though I'm gone"
I feel like these middle two lines really kind of break the rhythm. Depending on how you write the music around it, it might not feel like that when heard at all, but that kind of threw me off a bit as I read it.
Nice job! See you around,
Fea
AAa thanks, Fea!! I get that those lines can throw of the flow, but I guess, in my head, I hear them working but it's just to like, switch things up I guess? Ideally if I could write music to it there'd be like a musical shift to make it work haha, like the music dropping so u just hear the kick of the drums or something
glad you liked it though!!!
Wow this is so good! But remember punctuation, (the last line is missing a period.) But it is a brilliant rap/poem, good job!
alfjkhfsgjk thanks! Glad you liked it!!