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I'm really good at endings (pt 3/end)

by soundofmind


“Here we are!” I smile, and fling my arms wide. "1980's Los Angeles, Califoria! Feat. a private beach that we're totally not trespassing on, but who cares! It's the middle of the summer!"

Naturally, Julian looks a little... shaken. You know, I kind of expected that from him. He seems uh... well, you know, I'm actually not too sure. He's kind of staring at the ocean all bug-eyed. You know, if I had transported him to like, maybe the same street we were at but just a different time, maybe he'd feel a little less shaken?

Julian continues to stare at the ocean, before he begins to blink at a rapid pace. Now he's screaming. Oh, god, he's screaming. Ok.

I grab his arm. "Julian! Julian! Calm down! I told you I'm a time traveller! So look! Here we are! At a different point in time! I proved it to you! It's real!" I smile, making another grandiose gesture to the beach, hoping that maybe it'll calm him down or something.

Fortunately, he stops screaming, but now he's just... wheezing.

"I-I-b-but-th-this-n-no-not-wh-" he stutters wildly, sounding a bit like a motorboat trying to speak English. I pat him on the shoulder. He falls to his hands and knees in the sand.

"There, there, little Julian. 'Tis normal for rookie time travellers to experience some uh... shock, you know?"

His breathing begins to slow, and he looks up at me.

"It's... you're... you're really a time traveller," he marvels.

I crack a smile, and laugh gleefully. "Heheheh. You callin' me a liar?"

He stares at me, a bit confused, before he gets what I'm saying. Of course, I'm referencing what I asked him when he was trying to interrogate me last week. He gives me a meager grin - but you know, I can't blame him. He's trying. He's also possibly been traumitized by suddenly materializing in a completely different city, season, day, and time. But you know. Little details.

----

"Why don't you take me to the future?" Julian asks, poking at his dumpling with chopsticks. "Or like, really far back in the past? You've only been talking me to places within like, my parent's or my granparent's lifetimes."

Wilson snickers, popping a dumpling in her mouth. "Ok, you wanna know why? Because for one, we'd stick out like a sore thumb in these clothes, and I'm not made of money, you know? I can't just buy you a whole new wardrobe. And heck, it ain't like the movies, kid. You can't just steal some poor family's clothes off their clothesline. That's just like, cruel. Especially in something like the 15th century where it's not like they can just hop on over to a goodwill and get a new outfit. And as far as money goes, every time period's money is a little different, too. Can't walk in with 2010 pennies in 1997! You'll get weird looks! People will think they're counterfeit! Psh." Wilson shakes her head and rolls her eyes, as if Julian's question is in itself offensive by nature, and he should know these things. "Also, movies, books, T.V. shows and stuff... you know, they wayyyy overglorify the whole time travelling thing. It's cool, sure, but you go anyplace before toilets and toilet paper and it's just kinda miserable."

Julian snorts and grins, now applying his chopsticks to the rice in front of him. "Ok, but what about the future though? Surely they have things better than toilets, right?" He asks.

Wilson flares her nostils and gives him a flat look - her eyes practically glaring at him. "Trust me. You don't want to go to the future."

"Well geez, you make it sound like it all just goes downhill from here," Julian says with brows raised, as he takes another bite of rice.

Wilson groans and slouches far down into her seat, her bum practically slipping off of it. "Ughhhh. Here I am, taking you on all these free vacations, and you're just complaining? I'm tryin' to make it so you can have fun. So you know, things like authentic Chinese food eaten in a hole-in-the-wall restaurant on a rainy day, on the third floor of a crowded building overlooking... well, some no-name street in 1967, but it's a nice place."

Julian nods. "It is. I'm not... I'm not complaining. I just, well... I guess I just expected time travel to be different is all."

"You were expecting me to fly around in some blue box or some kind of time machine, weren'tcya?" Wilson asks, looking at him with an unamused expression and one waggled brow.

Julian opens his mouth to speak but closes it again before answering. "... I mean. A little. You kind of just... I dunno."

"I just do," she explains.

"It's almost too easy," Julian remarks. "With... power like that -"

Wilson cuts him off. "Woah, woah, woah, there. This isn't some super power. Don't use that word. Ech. I don't like how it sounds."

"Ok, with an ability like that -" Julian pauses, looking at Wilson with brows raised, seeking approval before continuing. With her nod, he kept going. "With an ability like that, why don't you change history? Why don't you interfere with things that have happened?"

Wilson flutters her eyes at him. "Have you like, EVER seen or read a movie on time travel? Alternate timelines? Stuff like that?"

Julian nods, but shrugs simultaneously, overall giving a not so convincing answer.

Wilson sighs and rolls her eyes. "Well it's all wrong. And even if I wanted to do stuff like that. I can't."

"Have you ever tried?" Julian asks.

"Yes." She replies, staring out the window, watching the rain drops patter against the glass. A moment of silence forms between them, and the conversation hangs in the air for a minute before they both return to eating their meals in silence.

----

“You said you weren’t dying,” I choke on my words, my pitch rising and falling as I fight back the tears. But they only gather as a thick coating of water over my eyes, finally spilling over as my lids force them out with one simple blink. My tears drip onto her plaid shirt as I hold her in my arms.

“You said this was normal,” I croak again, this time anger and sadness melding together. "You said you would be ok. You said you never…”

Her finger touches my quivering lips. I can tell that for her to even lift her hand takes a great amount of energy. She’s trying. I can see the strain in her pale face.

“Wh-“ I stutter.

“I can’t die… if I was never born,” she whispers - her voice hoarse, and her dark eyes staring blankly out into space.

I stare at her, tears still steadily streaming from my eyes. “I… I don’t understand… why won’t you tell me… why won’t you explain how-”

Her fingers pull away from my face and her arm falls to her side with a sudden plop.

“I’m… I’m not…” she almost convulses, her shoulders hunching up as she tries to hold back either vomit or tears (I can't tell anymore), and keep back the lump in her throat that emotions will not allow her to deny.

“I’m not real,” she whispers, her whole body shaking. “I’m just… whatever time wanted to make… so she could experience… what it was like to live in the very thing she is…”

I stare at her. I don’t understand. “What do you mean? Wilson, of course you’re real. Don’t lie to m-“

“So she could experience something... something like friendship. Like... love.”

"Wh-wha-t d O y o -

uM m e A n N͞ ͝ņnń ҉n ? ?"͞

"I̢- ̸- I҉ ͝-̀ ̧- a͟m҉ ͠--̡ - t̴-͘t ҉T Tt҉ ͜I̷m e

i n̶ th҉E҉ ̷f-f ͏F̴ ̕L͜es ͞s͢ H.

Now that I have... found... what I was looking for... I must depart.

I wish I could stay."

We're back at Longview. We're back to the time period that we're from - no, that I'm from. I'm still not used to the sudden change of scenery. But this time, my eyes are not fixed on the sudden transition from grass to concrete beneath me, but on Wilson's face. The look in her eyes is absent, and she's both frail and limp in my arms.

There are people passing by. I don't know if they can see us. I don't know if they can see her - because suddenly she begins to fade, like a projection of an image instead of a real, tangible human being. She dematerializes in front of me, as if she were only ever a vapor. And now, there is no peron in my arms. There is no Wilson. There's just me, kneeling in the middle of the sidewalk on a street corner, trying not to cry.

----

"I've lived many lifetimes,

and travelled many years

to find a friend in you.

But I must return to destiny -

the life I'm called back to.

I hold it all together,

and if I fall apart,

it will not all be for nothing;

it's just the b r e a k i n g o f m y

h e a r t."


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Mon Nov 06, 2017 2:56 pm
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TheBlueCat wrote a review...



Hullo soundofmind! Cat here to review this last piece!

This was definitely better than the second part, although not quite as good as the first! I have a couple critiques for you, so let's jump right in! :D

Okay, so you did really good up until the part where Ms. Wilson is apparently dying. It just happened so quickly that it was hard to figure out what was happening. Once we got to the super weird stuttering, computer-y part, I got lost real quick. It was also difficult to tell what was trying to be said there, and who was speaking during that whole thing.

One more thing, you need to stop changing narrator so much and keep a consistent point of view. I know it's hard, but it makes for an easier to read story!

Well, now that this mini-series thing is over, I will bid you farewell until nest time! Keep writing! Love your works! :D




soundofmind says...


Thanks for the review!



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Fri Oct 27, 2017 8:29 am
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Dreamy says...



I second Blue's comment. I think it'd be so much cooler and would make lot more sense if you were to elaborate on the characters and their backstories. Right now, we have a beginning, we know how things are going to be, and an end. To be able to feel anything for the characters, we need to know something about them. So maybe start planning already? :P

Cheers!




soundofmind says...


Aghhh BUT I have no tIMEeeEEe MAYBEeeee. I will seriously consider it



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Thu Oct 26, 2017 8:43 pm
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zaminami wrote a review...



Hello, soundofmind! It’s Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside...

STOP! Grammar time!



I'm just going to mark the ones I can with red because I'm too lazy to write explanations.

It's the middle of the summer!"


Okay


Suggestions:



Actually, I would make one more, short chapter like an epilogue where Wilson comes back and have everyone fangirl and then she doesn't recognize Julian so everyone's crying again and sad and stuff in the final epilogue >:3

Confusing things:



"Wh-wha-t d O y o -

uM m e A n N nnn n ? ?"

"I- - I - - am -- - t-t T Tt Im e

i n thE f-f F Les s H.

Now that I have... found... what I was looking for... I must depart.

I wish I could stay."


Wait, who is talking?

Other comments, reactions, and fangirling:



"You were expecting me to fly around in some blue box or some kind of time machine, weren'tcya?"


AHHHHHH DOCTOR WHO!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHhhhhhh THE FANGIRLING IS INTENSIFYING

Overall:



Overall, this is a very good last chapter. It didn't make me cry, but it certainly made plenty of other people did so. The fingerling is extensive as well, haha. Keep up the great work :D

Give me your soul --

Kara

Image


This review courtesy of
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soundofmind says...


Thank you for the review!!



zaminami says...


Yo welcome :D



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Wed Oct 25, 2017 2:58 pm
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noelani2004 says...



This is a very creative and heart breaking ending. In fact I enjoy it! You are good at endings, but you spelling is off when you get to the part '' Wh-wha-t d O yo-'' it's hard for people to make out the sound that the character is actually making.It's okay keep writing.




soundofmind says...


Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! The bit at the end was kind of supposed to sound like their voices were "glitching" out, because it's when Wilson brought them back to Julian's present time, but maybe it didn't come across that way haha. I kind of wanted to like, turn that part into a gif where it actually glitches over that text but I'd have to figure out how to make something like that haha



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Wed Oct 25, 2017 11:16 am
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BluesClues says...



What.

Are.

You.

Doing.

To.

Me.

Write a durned novel!!! I need it. It would be an act of charity!




soundofmind says...


!!!! haslfjkashgjk sOrry ahhh uhhh,, I don't knowwwww,, I haven't written a novel and idk where else I'd go with thissss,, besides, like, explaining more backstory and developing Julian and Wilson's relationship more I guess, and maybe like, why/how Wilson exists and what exactly her life's been like??? but those are all like... vague ideas right now aaaah



BluesClues says...


BUT STILL!!!



soundofmind says...


!!!!!! mAYBE



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Wed Oct 25, 2017 11:05 am
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ThemagicalEbonyFox wrote a review...



First thoughts:
OMG this is amazing!!!
Second, more reasonable thoughts:
Hi Sound. I know I've already told you how much I liked this piece, but I thought I'd give you some more feedback on it.
First of all, the dialogue in this was really well written. It didn't mess with the pacing, there was generally a good balance between the characters, and Julian's reaction to the time travel was priceless. The structure was unique, especially towards the end, but it seemed to work well. It was a little difficult to read at times, so maybe toning it down a little would fix that. Plot wise, great. I was not expecting the story to end the way it did. Poor Julian!
I also enjoyed the use of italics. It really brought the characters to life (which was one of the reasons the ending was so sad). Speaking of which, I loved the characters. The two of them had really great chemistry, and as a result their actions were even more believable and even comical, when it was appropriate.
Overall, I loved it. My only other complaint is that it's over. :( I know I've only been on the site for a little while compared to some of the other more experienced reviewers, but I hope my feedback is just useful to you. I look forward to seeing more of you.
Keep writing!
Ebony




soundofmind says...


Aaaa thank you so much! I'm so glad you like it so much! I'm glad you liked the dialogue and Julian and Wilson's overall relational dynamics. I like them too!! They're fun to write haha. And I'm glad you liked the structure... haha I was kinda playing around with stuff.

Thank you so much for your feedback! Question though: when you say the structure was unique but hard at times to read - what places were harder to read than others? What about it made it challenging? How would you suggest I change/alter it to make it more readable? When you say tone it down a bit, I'm not entirely sure what you mean. Was it all the stuttering and dashes and stuff that broke up the words they were saying?

BUT YEAH. Just wanna know so I can make it better!



soundofmind says...


Also - little question: did you read part 1 and part 2 that came before this? you can find them in the side bar under "related items." If so, what do you think of the story overall?





Yeah I have read the others. That's partly why it was so heartbreaking.




Once you have read a book you care about, some part of it is always with you.
— Louis L'Amour