Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
you get cold/ watch me freeze
over.
mis/take me away from this body.
i wish/ i could stomach you/ you’re so fucking bitter– ‘pot calls kettle
black’/ we’re not fooling anyone.
i am the/ great pretender.
i can’t sleep.
i drink praise/ like it’s holy salvation
oh wait/ i said that line/ once/ twice/ twenty times already
it’s funny/ because–
no really/ it’s not. someone shut me up.
i take a lighter/ to my
mona lisa/ because i
am not da vinci/ shakespeare/ michel
angel
o.
can you/ handle me yet?
rock me/ to my heartbeat.
goodnight moon/ goodnight
goodnight/ good
night.
mama/ i’ve never been
an insomniac.
melatonin is a/ placebo
pill/ the mandela effect/ i
know it won’t/ work
like that.
weep.
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140,075 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Sinceramente, não entendi seu poema. Percebi que é profundo e amargo. Algo como ofender alguém, por não aceitar um término direito. As expressões são fortes, e a parte: " melatonin is a/ placebo ", para mim é a que mais dá força poética no texto. Mas como disse, ele tem expressões fortes que funcionam para o sentido do texto.
Sinceramente, não entendi seu poema. Percebi que é profundo e amargo. Algo como ofender alguém, por não aceitar um término direito. As expressões são fortes, e a parte: " melatonin is a/ placebo ", para mim é a que mais dá força poética no texto. Mas como disse, ele tem expressões fortes que funcionam para o sentido do texto.
Thanks for your review!
this... was simply... breathtaking.
let's dive in =3
𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕚 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕕:
yes.
everything.
all of the above.
i enjoyed this poem a lot, but i specifically loved the writing style. it was so rhythmic and almost heavy.
the way you broke certain syllables and words was absolutely artistic (this is true art right here.) it's truly awe-striking to see how distinct writers' styles are in this community!
ah the nostalgia hit hard right here. (also the rhythm was immaculate as well in these lines)
𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣
i would put the entire poem in here without a doubt. but that would derive from the point, so i must choose my favorite lines (even though the entire thing is pure gold)
ok these opening lines? the clever use of the word "mis/take"? someone needs to give you an award i swear.
the imagery in that first line was so pretty. then agh the other lines were so relatable they hurt viscerally (however, if anyone shuts you up ima be mad because your work is splendid)
hello? you cant just casually drop a line like that and leave that was insane ToT🔥
𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕖𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕣𝕠𝕨:
it was literally so hard to critique this masterpiece >.> i only have miniscule suggestions.
your last line(s)
you definitely executed it to be emotionally heavy, but it would've been cool to see some more emotional build-up in the lines prior. it was a tad abrupt (just in my opinion) and maybe adding/editing some previous lines would help it land harder.
last thing, and it's rather small...
(and also really just a personal preference thing, so please take it or leave it)
i know it's a little thing but you do have a swear in there, so i'd just give your piece a rating (16+ or something, or put a warning for language) so people (younger ages etc.) are warned. but there aren't too many younger writers on here, so i think youre fine.
wonderful job on this! you're a very talented poet!!
keep it up and keep writing, my friend <3
tati~
oml I have no words ur so sweet ur complements are too kind <3. I've recently started playing around with this format and I think I really like it, I'm glad you liked it too.
lwk forgot I swore ToT ty for the reminder
yeah, I totally get what you mean ab the ending.
tysmmmmm <333
ahh ofc you deserve em =3 yes its so prettyyyyy i might try it out sometime (if that's okay ToT)
LOLOL real ;-; and np
<3333
I don't have time to write a review right now but I would like to make a comment.
I am enthralled by this poem. It feels like a photograph in greyscale, rainy days, tears running down someone's face as they grit their teeth. Your use of slashes is something I haven't seen much before, but somehow you slotted them in perfectly. I really love your writing.
oml thats such a pretty way to describe this piece tysm <3