i know a girl
who craves sleep like
she hates thinking.
who breathes me in
and coughs me
out.
who falls asleep with her hand in mine
and wakes up
losing circulation.
her sister isn’t worried
her mama says she’s lyin’
take the lock off the bathroom door, won’t you.
won’t you.
i’ll listen before you go.
check under the sink.
lock the cabinets, empty the bottles.
her mama clutches her tight, and it
doesn’t matter if she’s leeching all the warmth
from her bones.
pain is punishable,
in that house.
(9-1-1
is this the dream police?)
check on her
please.
i’ll cover up her right thigh
with the hem
of my dress.
i’ll hold her hand while she cries
in someone else's kitchen.
pose for the picture, pretty baby.
pose for the picture.
that’s what friends do.
they lie for you
when there’s no point in lying
anymore.
every time i look in the mirror
i only see her cry for help.
every time she looks in the mirror–
a million miles away
southern strangers whose children are still alive and well kneel
on hardwood and pray for
those who’ve lost their way.
(i pray for those who have no one to pray for them)
she doesn’t believe in god, just the devil she knows, the one
she courts every waking hour
and every night in bed.
in another life, i woke up to the tv droning
and my mama crying
and my sister covering her ears,
cause some girl finally swallowed her fear
and pulled the plug.
i don’t wanna talk right now.
i don’t.
she picked up the phone at 1:47 AM
but i was already sleeping,
salt and skin,
like
an arsonist in mourning
(i’d burn every bridge just to keep you alive)
life is a rope
don’t let go
don’t let go
don’t.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hai :3
Another Green Room poem!!
Oh my goodness though, this is devastating!! Like, genuinely hard to breathe through in places. There’s such a frantic tenderness to it, the kind of tenderness that comes from loving someone who is always standing too close to the edge ~~ I love how the poem doesn’t treat friendship as something soft and aestheticized because in reality, it is more like something akin to vigilance, fear, lying, covering, calling, missing the call, etc. That is SO powerful and so emotionally brutal!!
What an opening!! This is such a clean and painful way to introduce her. “Craves sleep like / she hates thinking” says so much without overexplaining. It immediately tells us her exhaustion is beyond physical to the point it’s avoidance, escape, maybe survival. I love how simple the phrasing is because it makes the sadness feel plain and unavoidable. It doesn’t dress the pain up too much, which makes it worse in the best poetic way. I like how the speaker has internalized this person they know so well, too. They can't help but think about her, write her into poetry, feel sympathy for her and her issues.
!!!! This image is so good!!
It makes the speaker feel like both comfort and irritant, like someone this girl needs but cannot keep inside her. “Coughs me / out” is such a sharp rejection image, but it also feels involuntary, like she doesn’t even mean to push the speaker away. That contradiction is beautiful and awful ~~ The relationship already feels full of love, but also helplessness. I think that's a powerful reflection on friendships when they start to weigh on you, especially after so many years, like you can't help but think about them even when they may be hurting you.
These are some of the strongest lines in the whole poem to me. They explain so much about the girl without flattening her into a symbol. In that house, pain is not comforted, like the speaker has infiltrated even the other person's supposed safe space. That makes the secrecy, the lying, the shame, the fear all feel inherited ~~ It’s such a concise and brutal line!
I also LOVE this parenthetical, even though it’s so sad. It feels dissociative, almost surreal, like the speaker is reaching for emergency help but everything feels dreamlike and unreal. “Dream police” is such a strange phrase, and I mean that positively!! It captures that helplessness of wanting someone official to intervene in something that feels too intimate, too internal, too slippery to prove. I also felt that mimics younger relationships, too, like the speaker is afraid of putting someone close to them in a bad situation with family/authority.
This is such a tender and devastating image!! It says so much about shame, protection, girlhood, friendship, and performance ~~ Covering her with the speaker’s dress feels intimate in a way that is almost maternal, but also very adolescent, like trying to hide evidence from a world that is always asking girls to look okay. There is so much story in this one moment!!
The repetition of “pose for the picture” makes me feel sick in the best way because it shows the cruelty of appearances!! Everyone wants the image, the proof of normalcy, the pretty baby, the smiling friend. And then “that’s what friends do” twists so painfully because friendship becomes complicity, protection, survival, maybe even failure ~~ The line “when there’s no point in lying / anymore” is absolutely devastating. It feels like the moment where the mask has outlived its purpose, but everyone keeps wearing it anyway.
This part is gorgeous and bitter in contrast with the next lines, too. I love the specificity of “southern strangers” and “hardwood.” It gives the prayer scene texture, but there’s also resentment under it, like these people can pray from the safety of not knowing. Their children are alive and well, so their grief is abstract. That contrast is so sharp!!
This stanza is where the poem widens from one girl into a whole cultural grief, which I love!! The television, the mother crying, the sister covering her ears, etc. are details that are so cinematic and horrible. I like how “some girl” makes it both specific and anonymous. She could be anyone. She could be THE girl. She could be the speaker’s fear made public. She could be the reader's own interpretation of someone from their life. I like how the narrative widens and the ideas become more vast, like these issues on womanhood and femininity can be explained through so many different world views and perspectives.
^^^ One note here: because the poem deals with suicide and self-harm so directly, I think the strongest moments are the ones that stay precise without becoming too sensational. Most of this poem does that beautifully. I’d just be careful with lines like “pulled the plug,” depending on what you want the tone to be ~~ It’s blunt, which can work, but the surrounding images are so intimate that I wonder if a more specific image from the speaker’s memory might make it hit even harder?
Ohhh this is SO painful !!!
“Like / an arsonist in mourning” is an incredible simile!! It implies destruction and grief at the same time, like the speaker would ruin everything if it meant saving her, but is also mourning the fact that love can’t always be enough. That's such a realistic feeling, like when you're confronted with a reality you wish wasn't the truth. The parenthetical after it is gorgeous and desperate, too. It’s probably one of my favorite lines here!!
This ending is brutal and perfect, whoa!! The repetition feels like someone talking directly into the dark, trying to keep another person tethered. “Life is a rope” is simple, but after all the hand-holding, circulation, bridges, locks, bottles, phones, and prayers, it lands with so much weight. The final “don’t” is so small, and that makes it enormous. It captures the terror of loving someone who might not stay, and it does so without making the speaker heroic or the girl into a symbol. Everyone here is scared. Everyone is failing and trying anyway. Ugh!!
Overall, this is an incredibly moving poem!! I really admire how the poem balances tenderness with urgency, especially through those repeated commands towards the end. It’s so raw and guilt-ridden, and full of love that has nowhere really to go. Amazing work as always!! <33
- Payton
This poem is CHEF'S KISS! It is truly amazing how you wrote about such a deep and heavy topic but made it feel so personal. The way you described the feeling of craving sleep like she hates thinking is SCRUMPTILLIOUS (basically my way of amazing) writing because it shows exactly how she feels without even saying she is sad. It is awesome how you included parts like checking under the sink and locking the cabinets. The part where you say you would be like an arsonist in mourning to keep her alive is straight up beautiful. It is extremely amazing how you showed that even when the world goes totally bananas, a real friend will stay and hold your hand in someone else's kitchen. The ending where you just keep telling her don't let go is delicious and feels so raw and honest.