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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Hello! I thought I'd review this since I read The Hunger Games not too long ago and really liked it! I am somewhat confused though since I thought the Hunger Games was already very much from Katniss' point of view! But never mind, it will be interesting to read it in poem format...
Specifics
1. I like the fragmentation of this, it builds up a really good atmosphere and a sort of unhinged and on the balls of your feet feel. It's nice. I think your word choice could be stronger in places though. Fell is weak and something more explosive like crashed or even dropped might be more powerful.
2. I think terror and dread are a little over-used and both mean the same so change at least one of them. Why not give us a more specific example instead? What do these cries sound like? Wolves? The jackers, uh, stinger jackers? I forget what they're called but those swarms of bee-like creatures! You should bring those in somewhere.
3. Sometimes I think you could afford to be a little more dramatic. You don't want to over-do it, but 'wounds left to fester/ Eating at the skin' is very plain. Maybe 'Wounds festering in fever dreams' or something to that effect.
4. I don't like the three weeks part. I don't think you need to put a time on it and that doesn't add much to the poem for me.
5. You're getting a little lazy now. Your earlier lines had a little more substance to them and were stronger! I want to know more than just what the weather is doing, I want to understand how it's effecting them, how it's killing them. I want to be able to fear for Katniss and to see this through her eyes and to see the rain shooting like spears into the ground.
Overall
Your beginning is stronger than your end, though the final stanza's good. But for a while in between you seem to be just listing words that have relevance to The Hunger Games and that's not as effective. I like the premise of this but I felt like you needed to do more with it, to add something that the book doesn't give, whether that's a tempo and a lot of alliteration to build the atmosphere of the forest and the jungle around us. Or maybe a new insight into what it is to think you might die, a few small twists on the character of Katniss.
It was a nice read but try to go beyond the book and use the different media to its full potential!
All the Best,
Heather xx