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140,623 Literary Works • 673,564 Reviews
Interesting. I didn't get too much emotion from this piece, not particularly sure why, but it was rather clear was was going on. Beast is stalking a human (I believe), beast kills and devours human to bone, walks away like a hero in an action film walks away from an explosion.
It's cool. On a basic level. However, many of the lines were relatively cliche. It all worked together in the end, but I really think you could work on creating more intricate imagery. You tell me a lot, and only show a little.
My favorite part was of the poem:
This is the most creative part of the poem. It's simple, but I see it. I can see a skeleton (chills!) and can imagine the paw prints being found after, to the horror of whoever discovers the body. Huge paw prints, rousing primal fear.
However, there isn't, in general, much description or showing like this in the rest of the poem. I suggest you strongly focus on that. You can keep things simple without having them be boring or cliche.
Otherwise, there was some minute problems with punctuation and missing words. I got the gist of everything, but sometimes it didn't look quite right. It's a bunch of small things, like how you have 'tis wrong. It is = 'tis. Or how there are so many commas. More double end stops or just leave them out. Something.
Anyway, hope this helps in revision or future poems. Good luck with your continued writing!
-Cas
This is fantastic. The imagery is amazing, and the words just make me shiver. One of the best poems I have ever read, even if it is short. Keep it up!
This made me think of a transformation poem I had to write for English Advanced class. I like the rhythm of it and the way that the last two words of the last two lines of the stanza rhyme, it gives the poem a sort of eerie edge (at least for me) and I enjoyed reading it.