Hello, again. It's me.
Going to start off by saying you pluralize something, like "...door’s..." or "...hand’s..." you don't need to. Your apostrophe indicates possession that throws off the reader. It's just not needed.
Now to the editing:
My name is Thomas and many of you don’t know why I stole the story from that person but my story is just as interesting. Let me show you. It starts with me waking up in a prison cell. Hell even at this point I can’t fully remember entirely who I was. But when I woke in that cell I had amnesia. The door’s to the cells just opened randomly and I walked out. I saw a group of other people walk out also but this place seems like a prison and it was so dark that those people could be escaped convicts or something horrible so I ran away from them. One of them decided to follow me and he seemed to not know where we were also.
He kept shouting, “Hey! Who the hell are you and where the hell are we?”
I just kept running and then I tripped on a metal, rusty pipe bar laying on the ground. As I fell I cut my hands on the side of the wall and then my hand landed in a strange dark liquid puddle. As I get up I heard a scream behind me and saw this horrifying creature pounce on the poor man.
“Holy fucking shit! What the fuck is that?” I said.
As the man was screaming I picked up the rusty metal pipe and hit the thing off the poor man. I helped the man get to his feet and then set him up against the wall. As I was checking his pulse, I was smacked across the room.
The thing stepped into the light and I could see it’s horrifying features. It was like a giant German Shepherd. But it had no hair and it seemed like its skin was ripped off. I grabbed the pipe bar and began to whack on the thing. The thing broke the light above us dropping us into pitch black. I held still and felt a big paw throw me into a wall. The pain was excruciating. I got back up and began to listen. I felt a pebble from me hitting the floor on the ground so I threw it to the other end of the hallway.
I heard the thing begin to move so I hit the thing across the face with the rust metal pipe. The pipe broke on impact and I felt worried then I saw a glow on the things back. There was what seemed like a metal sword on the things back so I listen for it’s movement and dodged its swipes. I got onto its back and pulled out the sword. I made a noise on the ground and laid on the ground waiting for it to be over me. I thrust my sword right into the things chest and I heard it cry out in pain and then die.
I laid there for a bit not daring to make a noise. When I realized the thing was dead I got up and pulled the sword out of the things chest. I then went over to see if the stranger was alright but his pulse was so faint I knew he was going to die eventually. I walked down the hallway until I reached a corridor with actual light in it. The sword had a bluish tint and had what looked like angel wings for the hilt of the sword. The handle had a blue glowing diamond on the end of it. The sword had strange wording on it so I decided to read it aloud.
“I bound this blade to I and by the justice of the father I will fight until there is no more and so the blade is bound,” I felt a tingly sensation inside my body and all of a sudden the blade began to glow and I saw this white light and then I passed out. I woke up on this white fluffy material that reminded me of a cloud and I saw a figure right next to a golden gate. He spoke some stuff that I couldn’t understand. I passed out again and woke up in the middle of an intersection and that’s when I saw her.
Refer to my former reviews (ch.3) because it states what is needed. Remember, do not rush.
Points: 13625
Reviews: 82
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