Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
I wish I could stop crying every night
I'm such a fucking mess
I wish I wasn't so pathetic
And for what?
The possibility that what I want
Doesn't want me anymore
Sometimes I feel paranoid
But I know I've got a point
Something changed
And it sure as hell wasn't me
Maybe I got too attached
I wanted too much from you
But you couldn't even meet me
Half the fucking way
And I can tell
By the way you respond
That you just don't fucking give a damn
We don't speak for weeks
And when I try to talk to you you just want to sleep?
And don't have the fucking decency
To respond the next morning?
Sorry for acting a little crazy.
Sorry our conversations don't lead to much.
Sorry I bore you so goddamn much.
Sorry you just aren't interested.
And you know what?
I'm actually not fucking sorry at all.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
First off, sorry for what's been going on in your life with this jerk in your poem.
Now to the review...
I really like it. It pores your heart out in a way that makes the readers' hearts break.
But for the actual way the poem was written...it was a tad bit repetitive. Yes, I understand that this is you telling your jerk that he's a jerk. But the word "fucking" could easily be replaced with another foul word (i know a few and I'm sure you do too). It could just make it flow easier. And be careful of the way you repeated "much" two lines in a row. It was just a hard pattern to read and and first I thought you accidentally had repeated a line.
Other than that, good job! Keep writing!
Hey here to give you a quick review!
First of all i really liked this poem and i thought it would be great as a song like Delirium and farahmasud said. The tone of this poem is great in my opinion and in a way this is very relatable. There are some things that could be changed but i dont nitpick at small mistakes because in the long run they really dont matter to awfully much.
Hey there! Delirium here to give you a review!
I agree with farahmasud. This piece would make a fantastic song with a little bit of repetition.
Anywho, I enjoyed this piece a lot. I really liked the tone and found few things to nit pick. I feel as though there is a bit of room for improvement, but not much. A couple re-reads and some revisions in the future could do the trick.
One of the best things about this piece is that it is very realistic and relatable. Several people have experienced this and have felt these same feelings before, and creating a piece that is relatable to the readers is key. Connection is important.
I would have to say that the ending is by far my favorite part.
You did an amazing job overall, and I really enjoyed reading this.
I hope to read more in the future! Keep on writing!
xx- Delirium
what a different type of poem it is! I am shocked and what can i say about this. At the last of all you wrote I'm actually not fucking sorry at all. hah the last one is awesome
Hey farah here to review.
I think this piece of writing could be turned into a great song if you add a little tune to it. The words seemed very real and honest. You didn't "try too hard" to rhyme or make it metaphorical, which I think is refreshing at times. So for me it was a good read.
I guess the only negative criticism I could give would be regarding the swearing. I think you could cut that down. But I understand that it was necessary to fully express your emotions.
Anyway, keep writing! Good luck