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140,592 Literary Works • 673,545 Reviews
Story of my life. I really like it. I noticed that you added more to the poem which is good. It is simple and yet deep at the same time. wonderful!
Dark, terse and full of life. Good metre too. Still, it would be much better if you could flesh it out a bit more. Telling us why you hate yourself etc. It's sad when such poems need to be written, maybe you yourself are going through a tough time at the moment. If so my heart goes out to you. Some of the best poetry has been written in times of hardship and struggle and this could certainly be a great poem if you invest a little bit more time in it. Good work, keep it up!
Thanks for the review! I added a couple of lines, not sure if they add any more depth to it but I tried...
Beautiful.
Artistic.
Emotional.
What was that I didn't get it. But I think it had meaning.
Now, if you ever feel worthless or down and defeated.
I have a word to say to you, it is humorous indeed:
I will not say it here or the mods will boot me [maybe]. PM me or IM me...
Heya, I've got a suggestion, is all.
As it stands now, this is not really a poem. It's a blunt statement of an emotion, which, granted, can work as a poem, but I think this should be expanded upon. I'm not saying that you should turn this into an epic or anything, just throw us a couple of flashingly disturbing images to drive this emotion into our souls. Keep it short and to the point, but make it scathingly short instead of lazily short, as it is now. I am certainly not trying to undermine your feelings at the moment, but as a poem these emotions you are feeling need a more tangible form.
Think on it, for this could make for a really good poem with the right image driving it home.
Your's truly
-Life
Thanks for the feedback
I added a few more lines so if you have time I'd love to know what you think of them