Can you see me I hide behind a layer of pain and untruths,
I seek to let go but as I do I learn the world is cold and cruel,
I feel the constant pressure of the world around me, yet I don’t really understand it,
I have become just a spot buried under the subconscious level of people’s brain.
I feel, touch, see, and breathe, I believe in you,
More than I can possibly believe in my self,
You are the reason I survive you are the reason I write,
You are the reason I close my eyes at night and know that I am not nothing.
Why do I feel this way, what is it that is so special about you,
You trust in me that is what makes you so special,
You hold my hand when I’m in need,
But who are you.
I don’t know?
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140,581 Literary Works • 673,533 Reviews
i really like this, because it shows real feeling, from you personally. But itsstill something anyone can relate to.
I love this part. So many people fee like that and are too scared to admit that they feel they arent good enough. You are brave, I'll give you that.
Beautiful. I can't explain how that one line touched me...
Keep up the writing, and it will keep getting better and better.
It...is good but could be turned into something better.
In some cases you need more punctuation.
You are (hopefully) trying to make the reader feel some kind of emotion, that is what poetry is about, but instead you just tell us what you feel, and more so we can't relate to this because you are telling us something.
I'm not sure how you could do it, but find away to make us feel what you are feeling, rather than telling us how you feel. That is the best thing about poetry, you get to feel something.
The poems general topics seem rather scattered, and at points cliche.
instead of saying 'not nothing' which is a double negative say 'something. What else is 'you' to you? Because someone can always be the reason you survive, that's what its like for everyone. try to make 'you' stand out from the general crowd of boyfriends.
The weirdest thing is I get a religious feeling from this poem, perhaps its written about God? I thought I would throw that out there.
Don't get me wrong, this is not BAD, but it could be better
I like it. It seems to speak from the heart like poetry should. Though I can't make out the moral. Though saying that I do get one thing from it. It would seem your writing about something you don't fully understand, but believe in. Good work.