Holding on to you

Never say goodbye to me,
I promise to see you soon,
Why do you hold such fear in your eyes?
Why do I see you cry?
This time, place nor this space, could ever keep me away,
You must never forget me, even if the rivers of time take me further away,
You should always smile knowing I will come back some day,
You are my angel on cold life less days,
You are my stars on dark wet nights,
These are your gifts to me,
Never let them fade away.

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User avatar
Chibi
Review
Chibi wrote a review · Tue Dec 26, 2006 3:19 pm

Not bad, albeit I see three verses in that. Just three different sections of your poem that's all.

Never say goodbye to me,
I promise to see you soon,
Why do you hold such fear in your eyes?
Why do I see you cry?
This time, place nor this space, could ever keep me away,
You must never forget me, even if the rivers of time take me further away,
You should always smile knowing I will come back some day,
You are my angel on cold life less days,
You are my stars on dark wet nights,
These are your gifts to me,
Never let them fade away.


Never say goodbye to me,
I promise to see you soon,
Why do you hold such fear in your eyes?
Why do I see you cry?

This time, place nor this space, could ever keep me away,
You must never forget me, even if the rivers of time take me further away,
You should always smile knowing I will come back some day,

You are my angel on cold life less days,
You are my stars on dark wet nights,
These are your gifts to me,
Never let them fade away.


See? Three verses. And I would re-line the second verse into...

This time, place nor this space,
could ever keep me away,
You must never forget me,
even if the rivers of time take me further away,
You should always smile
knowing I will come back some day,


Just a suggestion, to make it easier to read. Otherwise it was lovely, spoken from the heart...well done hon. ^_^

~Chibi

User avatar
piepiemann22
Comment

I love it. It speaks from the heart so well. Don't worry what other people say, your poetry is exelent!



i could be a morning person if morning happened around noon.
— Fern