I was going to make it longer but I decided on short and sweet.
This is based off of a true story.
She trails her fingers over the dry tears that lie on her cheeks, redness still loiters around her eyes. The cold trampoline surface launches chills up their backs.
The boy stretches his arm out and points towards the sky, a slight rainbow begins to form above them. “How does something so beautiful appear after a storm,” the boy says in awe.
The girl smiles and realizes she’s going to be all right. She tucks her blonde hair behind her ears, “sometimes you need a storm to create the beauty,” she claims while giggling. They make eye contact and burst out laughing both knowing they have little time left with their best friend.
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hey slubbs! I'm here with a review. :)
This is a really good story! I love the air of ~mystery~ and the shortness of it makes it even better somehow. Overall, it's just amazing!
I think here you should specify that there's more then one person on the trampoline. It made me think wait, what? until I got to the next sentence.
This is called a run-on sentence. Put either a period or a semicolon after sky.
Seeing as the boy is asking a question, a question mark after storm would look better!
There should a a period instead of a comma after ears.
That's it! I really loved reading, and I'm sorry if I came across as harsh in this review. I am only interested with making your writing better!
Keep writing!
Momo
Thank you for the review Momo! You didn't come across as being harsh to me at all. I'll use your tips in future work!
Wow, this was a great short story and as a matter of fact, it's my first short story I've read here on this website and thanks for making it a great one!
But what I really loved about your story is kind of what some of the other people in the comments have been posting, you didn't draw it out longer than it needed to be and every word in there had a meaning to it.
Anyway, I really liked your story and hope to read more of your work soon!
Have a great day,
Arianna
Thank you!
Hi, RandomTalks here for a quick review.
Your story was short and sweet, but what I really like about it is that every word you used had an impact of it's own. I don't know what is going to happen to the best friends to drive them apart but I almost wish I could stop them, and that is really surprising, because with only a single exchange between them, you already feel connected to these two people.
'“How does something so beautiful appear after a storm,” the boy says in awe.'
I really liked this line and the depth if inner meaning it contained. It didn't feel forced or even cheesy, but like something the boy was genuinely wondering about. My only suggestion here would be to put a question mark after 'storm', but that's just my opinion!
Overall, this was a really good and powerful little story and I hope to read more of your works. Have fun with your writing and stay safe!
Thank you for the review! I always forget the question mark lol.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Hmm...was just randomly scanning and saw this little story so I thought I would drop in...soo..
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that is most definitely short and sweet but hmm...also very tense there at the end cause I have a feeling the whole they're spending their last few minutes with each other thing, right when there's a lot of storminess happening makes me think they're both potentially about to die here maybe...either that or they're about to move away from each other for some reason. Either way its definitely quite a sad note there to end, especially when you leave it hanging there at like that, creating that pretty neat little cliffhanger of sorts there at the end.
Well....besides that, there isn't too much else to be saying about this story. I don't generally point out grammar errors and spelling errors in my reviews but ehh....since this is so small...I took a look and there aren't any that I can see but quick disclaimer, I'm terrible at spotting these things. Aaand well that little bit of description you had in there was quite nice.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Well...this was quite a lot for being such a small story. At any rate it was a fun few minutes spent reading this. Aaand soo...until next time.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Haha thanks for the review. I%u2019m not used to writing such a small story and you got it correct her friend is moving away.