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Revenge

by slubbs24


Deep, red blood drips off the knife that I grip tightly with my right hand. A smile forms on my face and a wicked laugh exits my lips, “revenge,” the word hangs in the air.

Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows revealing the puddle of blood spurting from my husbands neck.

I reach towards the purple bruise on my cheek bone, it bursts with pain; still tender to touch. “Revenge” I whisper one last time.

A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor.

She drags my bloody hands to my back, smearing the tile with red. She cinches them together and drags me to my feet.

“Ma’am we need to take you into custody” the woman says while guiding me into the back of the car with flashing lights.

“Did you call the police?” another officer asks.

“Yes but it is too late,” I respond meeting his eyes in the car mirror.

“Why did you murder your husband?” he says while turning and facing me.

I tilted my head up to the tin roof and let out a heavy sigh. On my way back down to meet the officers eyes I put on a slight smirk, “because it was my turn to say he tripped.”


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Fri Jun 04, 2021 5:42 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi slubbs24,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This is definitely a short story you've written here, with a very interesting ending. I think you can't understand the full text until you get to the end and realise how everything opens up.

Let's jump right in:

Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows revealing the puddle of blood spurting from my husbands neck.


Here I'm a little undecided about what you mean in this sentence, because it seems to me like you're trying to say that the room is actually shrouded in darkness.

Some points that stand out to me is how you quickly change the plot, which makes me feel like something is still missing, like here for example:

"Revenge, I whisper one last time.
A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor.


When the previous section talks about the woman coming in the light of the police car, and then suddenly the policewoman is standing in the room, I wonder how she got out of the car and into the flat? There's a bit of that gap that still needs to be filled.

In general, I find the story very interestingly told and can imagine that it has more meaning than it seems at first glance. Especially because of its brevity, you can quickly go back and read it, and as a reader come up with a new interpretation.

Stylistically, I can't say anything against the text now. I think the great significance comes precisely from the brevity and the fact that many points remain open for the reader. That's why I thought the ending was well designed, because it leaves the reader with a question. (What does the woman mean by Revenge, what has the man done, etc...).


I also noticed - where I don't know if this was intentional or not - that the narrator's dialogue is always in the line where she is already speaking (with one exception) and all the others, as you often read, have been put in a new line. I think, in that I think the woman is a little bit crazy, that maybe this is part of the expression of speaking during her inner monologue as well.

It was a fun short story :D

Have fun writing!

Mailice.




slubbs24 says...


Thanks for the review!



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Fri Jun 04, 2021 7:20 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello! FlamingPhoenix here with a review for your short but gory story. No I did not mean to have that rhyme, but oh well. What can I do. Lol

Right lets get right to it!

Deep, red blood drips off the knife that I grip tightly with my right hand. A smile forms on my face and a wicked laugh exits my lips, “revenge,” the word hangs in the air.


Nice little description here, I also like how you have avoided using the same word twice, I sometimes have trouble with that.
Lol I also find it a little funny how you mention the title of this work in the story. It has some meaning behind it and well it feels dark.

Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows revealing the puddle of blood spurting from my husbands neck.


Oh I like the red and blue add in there, your not saying it but the reader can only assume the cops are arriving.
And I must say I didn't expect it to get this dark, I mean what did her husband do?

I reach towards the purple bruise on my cheek bone, it bursts with pain; still tender to touch. “Revenge” I whisper one last time.


Okay maybe her husband hit her and did that constantly? Did he beat her? Maybe he said something that tipped her over the edge? Did they have a fight, how bad must it have been for her to kill him.

A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor.


Ah this was a very quick description but right to the point! I know you didn't say anything about it but I can just imagine them knocking the door down just as she says 'revenge.'

She drags my bloody hands to my back, smearing the tile with red. She cinches them together and drags me to my feet.


This is a very nice description, its gory but very well written.

“Ma’am we need to take you into custody” the woman says while guiding me into the back of the car with flashing lights.

“Did you call the police?” another officer asks.


Okay well I did not see that coming.

“Yes but it is too late,” I respond meeting his eyes in the car mirror.


I like that small description there. I do think this sentence could have a little more to it. But that's up to you.

“Why did you murder your husband?” he says while turning and facing me.


Now that is the million dolor question that we all have been having,

I tilted my head up to the tin roof and let out a heavy sigh. On my way back down to meet the officers eyes I put on a slight smirk, “because it was my turn to say he tripped.”


This is a very damaged lady, she has some problems that will take years to get control of, and I'm sure she will be locked away for years! I'm still not sure what her husband did but it couldn't have been anything good to get his wife this mad and want to kill him. I'm still guessing he beat her, but that's only my thoughts.
Though it is clear this lady isn't thinking state and had a really bad marriage.

Wow I did not see this story going in this direction, but it was still nice to read and react too. I do hope you will write more and post again on YWS! Though hopefully next time the story won't have such an unhappy ending.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!
Until next time!
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

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slubbs24 says...


Thanks for the review!



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Thu Jun 03, 2021 5:57 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this...is a heavy story...soo much stuff happening within it despite it being so short, and leaves you with tons of little details that really makes you think when you're trying to piece together what may have happened here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Deep, red blood drips off the knife that I grip tightly with my right hand. A smile forms on my face and a wicked laugh exits my lips, “revenge,” the word hangs in the air.

Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows revealing the puddle of blood spurting from my husbands neck.


Uhh...great, very convenient burst of light...but oh wow...well this is a powerful start, just starting with a very casual murder and the way that the "Revenge" is how this story starts out and the fact that our protagonist here is holding the knife in their hand...well it doesn't take a detective to see that it looks like the husband here was murdered by the protagonist here and well, you're creating quite some powerful imagery with the blood dripping from the knife and the blood spurting from the neck, once a knife cuts deep enough to get that happening, you know that some serious anger was behind that particular attack, its not easy to puncture that artery...don't ask me how I know

I reach towards the purple bruise on my cheek bone, it bursts with pain; still tender to touch. “Revenge” I whisper one last time.


Hmm, well looks like there definitely was quite a fight in there, the husband in this case might not be the innocent party at all, judging by that bruise but of course their the one with the knife so, of course all the initial suspicion will fall on that, but hmm...that bruise is certainly a very interesting detail to add there, makes this is a story that you shouldn't simply take at face value.

A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor.

She drags my bloody hands to my back, smearing the tile with red. She cinches them together and drags me to my feet.


Uh huh, that seems like pretty standard police procedure that one, immediately getting rid of the weapon then making sure the hands are behind the back, that part's done pretty well, and the details on the bloody hands and tiles are also great touches to include there.

“Ma’am we need to take you into custody” the woman says while guiding me into the back of the car with flashing lights.


Yup, they've got a lot of thinking to do if they want to figure out exactly what went down in that particular house, cause it certainly seems more complicated than what it appears to be.

“Did you call the police?” another officer asks.

“Yes but it is too late,” I respond meeting his eyes in the car mirror.


Ooooh...more interesting details, the way she says its too late really makes me think there's a lot more to this story, like how she might have called the police to try and save herself from her husband doing something to attack her but its too late cause she ended up killing him somehow...well...lots of questions here...

“Why did you murder your husband?” he says while turning and facing me.

I tilted my head up to the tin roof and let out a heavy sigh. On my way back down to meet the officers eyes I put on a slight smirk, “because it was my turn to say he tripped.”


Hmm...well I don't quite know what that smirk might imply...but I can certainly see that there's definitely something horribly wrong on the part of the husband here as well, that last line certainly indicates that one...well...this was quite a story for being such a short one. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was a pretty heavy story here, definitely makes you think a lot, and has a lot of little things packed into it that makes it so much more than it appears to be. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




slubbs24 says...


Thanks for the review.



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Wed Jun 02, 2021 5:19 pm
RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello! Here for a short review.

This was a really captivating short story. It holds you until the end, and leaves you wanting more. The title alone pulled me in and I am glad I read this story. I love the way you have used colors to describe element of the story, like:

"Deep, red blood drips off the knife that I grip tightly with my right hand."

"Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows..."

"I reach towards the purple bruise on my cheek bone..."

"A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor."

".....smearing the tile with red."

Maybe you didn't think so much while adding all these colors in almost every line of the story, but it was something I noticed and also something I found really interesting.

' “because it was my turn to say he tripped.”'

The 'because' will be 'Because' here, but other than that the line was so powerful and contained so much meaning to this woman who I can understand had been through so much. It was great writing.

There were one or two typing errors, but others have already pointed them out, so I am not going into that.

Over all, this was an amazing little short story. My only complain would be that it was too short. I would have loved to read more about what drove the woman to murder her husband. But this was a short story, so it's okay, I guess. This was wonderful. Keep writing!




slubbs24 says...


Thank you for the review! I didn%u2019t realize the colour thing until you pointed it out. XD



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Wed Jun 02, 2021 3:51 pm
WaterSpout wrote a review...



Good morning, slubbs24! I know that greeting may only apply to me, but I didn't want to make it more complicated while also not being too vague.
Anyways, I decided to drop by, what with the interesting title, as short as it may be, and give it a read. Short story short, I am here to review. So without further ado, I'll get started,

Deep, red blood drips off the knife that I grip tightly with my right hand. A smile forms on my face and a wicked laugh exits my [/b]lips, “revenge,”[/b] the word hangs in the air.

So first off, I really like how you started the story, straight to the point. The imagery makes it possible for the reader to visualize the scene - or crime scene in this case - and get a feel of how it all plays out. I have but two requests. Well, advice: when describing scenes, it's best to leave some aspects to the reader's imagination instead of being too specific. An example is how you had to describe which exact hand the woman had the knife in. It's unnecessary and wordy, even if it's just one word. In areas like this, try to leave room for imagination, especially when the description doesn't really matter nor adds anything to the story.
Then the part with the quotation marks. There's nothing wrong here, just that the first comma should be a period. But nothing too serious.

Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows revealing the puddle of blood spurting from my husbands neck.

A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor.

I like how you describe these lights and the woman as their basic colors, it really adds to the madness that this murderer feels. It makes it seem as if everything were blurry, as if it was out of focus, and only the moment is worth thinking about.
Being a short story, I won't comment on the grammar or spelling errors, since those are easy to find and fix.
Overall, nice story. I really think you did a good job!
With caution,

WaterSpout




slubbs24 says...


Thank you for the review!



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Wed Jun 02, 2021 3:43 pm
emilyrebecca wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to review if you don't mind!!

First off love the story. It's super captivating and I like the perspective.

I could have done with a bit more build-up, though it is a short story, so I understand. I did find the grammar stuff as well, but since another reviewer already told you I'm not gonna mention those. Plus, they were all rather small and didn't make the work difficult to read, whatsoever.

As I said before, I loved the perspective of this. I'm pretty fond of the "horror but form the villains perspective" trope and I especially liked the slight twist at the end. It made you feel bad and broke that mold of one-dimensional villains that you often find.

Overall loved this and hope this helped!! :)




slubbs24 says...


Thank you for the review, glad you enjoyed the story.



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Wed Jun 02, 2021 3:19 pm
FireEyes wrote a review...



Hello Slubbs24! Incoming review!

I would like to preface this review with telling you this short story is very captivating. I Like your use of description throughout the entire piece. Something I don't see a lot of in short stories like this is dialogue. Your brief, but inclusive dialogue really had me engaged. I also enjoyed how you didn't name any of your characters. It really gives a sense to how professional these police officers need to be in situations as this. Your work here reminds me of Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. He had been in the revenge business for so long that he didn't know what to do after. Your character here is different because I can assume that this was short lived, off the handle, revenge. She feels enlightened that she just killed her husband and it truly eerie. Great job at that!

There are a few grammar corrections I would like to point out.

A smile forms on my face and a wicked laugh exits my lips, “revenge,” the word hangs in the air.

"Revenge" should be capitalized because its the first word in the sentence she is saying.
“Ma’am we need to take you into custody”

There should be a comma in between "custody" and the quotation mark.
“because it was my turn to say he tripped.”

And lastly "because" should be capitalized. That's all I have for grammar corrections.

One last critique worth mentioning I have would be in this quote,
“Did you call the police?” another officer asks.
I would suggest italicizing "you" to make the officer seem more confused as to why she called the police. I had to read it over a few times to get the right tone in my head that made sense for the context of what's happening. If the word "you" stood out, it would be easier to find that tone.

But that's it for my review, truly and excellent piece! If you don't find this helpful, you can ignore the feedback. But you're a great writer! Anyway, byeeeeeeeeeee<3




slubbs24 says...


Thank you for the review. I found it incredibly helpful!



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Tue Jun 01, 2021 9:43 pm
slubbs24 says...







the only theft here is of decency when carina decided to rob me of my pride and put me on a banana
— veeren