Young Writers Society

Hi slubbs24,

Mailice here with a short review!

This is definitely a short story you've written here, with a very interesting ending. I think you can't understand the full text until you get to the end and realise how everything opens up.

Let's jump right in:

Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows revealing the puddle of blood spurting from my husbands neck.

"Revenge, I whisper one last time.
A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor.

Hello! FlamingPhoenix here with a review for your short but gory story. No I did not mean to have that rhyme, but oh well. What can I do. Lol

Right lets get right to it!

Deep, red blood drips off the knife that I grip tightly with my right hand. A smile forms on my face and a wicked laugh exits my lips, “revenge,” the word hangs in the air.

Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows revealing the puddle of blood spurting from my husbands neck.

I reach towards the purple bruise on my cheek bone, it bursts with pain; still tender to touch. “Revenge” I whisper one last time.

A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor.

She drags my bloody hands to my back, smearing the tile with red. She cinches them together and drags me to my feet.

“Ma’am we need to take you into custody” the woman says while guiding me into the back of the car with flashing lights.

“Did you call the police?” another officer asks.

“Yes but it is too late,” I respond meeting his eyes in the car mirror.

“Why did you murder your husband?” he says while turning and facing me.

I tilted my head up to the tin roof and let out a heavy sigh. On my way back down to meet the officers eyes I put on a slight smirk, “because it was my turn to say he tripped.”

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this...is a heavy story...soo much stuff happening within it despite it being so short, and leaves you with tons of little details that really makes you think when you're trying to piece together what may have happened here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Deep, red blood drips off the knife that I grip tightly with my right hand. A smile forms on my face and a wicked laugh exits my lips, “revenge,” the word hangs in the air.

Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows revealing the puddle of blood spurting from my husbands neck.

I reach towards the purple bruise on my cheek bone, it bursts with pain; still tender to touch. “Revenge” I whisper one last time.

A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor.

She drags my bloody hands to my back, smearing the tile with red. She cinches them together and drags me to my feet.

“Ma’am we need to take you into custody” the woman says while guiding me into the back of the car with flashing lights.

“Did you call the police?” another officer asks.

“Yes but it is too late,” I respond meeting his eyes in the car mirror.

“Why did you murder your husband?” he says while turning and facing me.

I tilted my head up to the tin roof and let out a heavy sigh. On my way back down to meet the officers eyes I put on a slight smirk, “because it was my turn to say he tripped.”

Hello! Here for a short review.

This was a really captivating short story. It holds you until the end, and leaves you wanting more. The title alone pulled me in and I am glad I read this story. I love the way you have used colors to describe element of the story, like:

"Deep, red blood drips off the knife that I grip tightly with my right hand."

"Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows..."

"I reach towards the purple bruise on my cheek bone..."

"A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor."

".....smearing the tile with red."

Maybe you didn't think so much while adding all these colors in almost every line of the story, but it was something I noticed and also something I found really interesting.

' “because it was my turn to say he tripped.”'

The 'because' will be 'Because' here, but other than that the line was so powerful and contained so much meaning to this woman who I can understand had been through so much. It was great writing.

There were one or two typing errors, but others have already pointed them out, so I am not going into that.

Over all, this was an amazing little short story. My only complain would be that it was too short. I would have loved to read more about what drove the woman to murder her husband. But this was a short story, so it's okay, I guess. This was wonderful. Keep writing!

Good morning, slubbs24! I know that greeting may only apply to me, but I didn't want to make it more complicated while also not being too vague.
Anyways, I decided to drop by, what with the interesting title, as short as it may be, and give it a read. Short story short, I am here to review. So without further ado, I'll get started,

Deep, red blood drips off the knife that I grip tightly with my right hand. A smile forms on my face and a wicked laugh exits my [/b]lips, “revenge,”[/b] the word hangs in the air.

Red and blue lights blast through my kitchen windows revealing the puddle of blood spurting from my husbands neck.

A woman in blue, tears the knife out of my grasp and knocks me to the white tiled floor.

Hey, I'm here to review if you don't mind!!

First off love the story. It's super captivating and I like the perspective.

I could have done with a bit more build-up, though it is a short story, so I understand. I did find the grammar stuff as well, but since another reviewer already told you I'm not gonna mention those. Plus, they were all rather small and didn't make the work difficult to read, whatsoever.

As I said before, I loved the perspective of this. I'm pretty fond of the "horror but form the villains perspective" trope and I especially liked the slight twist at the end. It made you feel bad and broke that mold of one-dimensional villains that you often find.

Overall loved this and hope this helped!!

Hello Slubbs24! Incoming review!

I would like to preface this review with telling you this short story is very captivating. I Like your use of description throughout the entire piece. Something I don't see a lot of in short stories like this is dialogue. Your brief, but inclusive dialogue really had me engaged. I also enjoyed how you didn't name any of your characters. It really gives a sense to how professional these police officers need to be in situations as this. Your work here reminds me of Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride. He had been in the revenge business for so long that he didn't know what to do after. Your character here is different because I can assume that this was short lived, off the handle, revenge. She feels enlightened that she just killed her husband and it truly eerie. Great job at that!

There are a few grammar corrections I would like to point out.

A smile forms on my face and a wicked laugh exits my lips, “revenge,” the word hangs in the air.

“Ma’am we need to take you into custody”

“because it was my turn to say he tripped.”

“Did you call the police?” another officer asks.