​If cops were paid by the hour: 

If cops were paid by the hour: 

A robbery in the suburbs of new york! Who will stop the criminal? His name... main character. (M.C, for short. (No. He does not have a hammer.))
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Help! There's a crisis to develop the main character."
"I understand. We'll send help... kind of.. right away."
Blazing at the speed of sound, but significantly slower; shining in the brilliance of the sun, but significantly dimmer, Main Character flies down the roads, but on the ground. All audiences cheer as they hear the wee-woo of his siren!
As the cop steps out of the car to see the robbed house, he meets several cameras.
"I'm not in it for the fame, or for the money. I'm in it," he gives his brightest smile to the camera, "because the writer told me to."
"We love you!" All the crickets cheered!
"Now, if you'll excuse me I must investigate," he snaps his fingers, points to the house, "The case."
Main Character gives a graceful wave to his fans. He puts on his serious face, and approaches the house with gust; arms swinging in flexed position.
He knocks on the door with all his might.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Squints as he looks around.
The knob turns.
Who could it be?
"Hey, main character! What's the case today?"
"Hey, side character," he says in his low, manly voice. He makes sure his nails are beautiful as he speaks, "Yeah, the authorities, me, got a call from THIS location, and I'm looking for the sorry crook who's responsible for the robbery."
"Oh my gosh! I almost forgot! Thank you so much for coming!" Shocked, and perplexed by the memory of the crime, Side Character dashes to a corner, and instantly forms the depression stance; knees to the chest, arms around the legs, and rocking back and forth.
"I-... I-..." Side character struggles to get his words out.
"It must have been tragic!"
"It was! I-... I-.."
Main character checks his watch to see the time.
"I-.. I-.."
Main Character slaps the man.
"Abuse! Abuse! Abuse!"
"Nonsense! There was evil in you, and I hit it out. It's kind of... my thing." He smiles to the cameras outside and gives another wave.
"Brilliant! Well, here's what happened. I had some change, and Villain needed the change. So, I borrowed him some of the change, but we never shook hands in agreement!"
"What horror!"
"All 5 pennies, dashed down to the drain like so many others!"
"Fear not citizen! I'm on the case."
Skipping through time, like readers scroll through facebook, the main joke begins to be revealed. For when all audiences were facing Main Character, one had a funny hat! Main Character dashed to him faster than a snail ever could. It was none other than villain... or at least... a villain.
"You'll never catch my alive copper!"
"But I already have! Hands behind your head fiend!"
"Uh.. I'm not Fiend. He's getting coffee."
"Oh.. right... hands behind your head Villain! You're under arrest."
but just then
an alarm!
It sounds like it's coming from the main character's watch!
"I'm not going to go to jail, fuzz!"
"He's also getting coffee. They had a book meeting."
"Oh.. right.. I'm not going to jail, main character!"
"No, you're not. Not until I've had my lunch break." Main character turns off his alarm.
Villain walks away free.
"Almost had him, too."