The sorrow is trying to grab-
It’s killing the inside,
Looking at someone who doesn’t care
No one for...
Thoughts and opinions to share.
A ghastly smile hanging on lips;
Trying to have sorrows in sips.
A sorcerer’s sordid job-
Gave no loss to the mob.
But the nominal nomad
Reverie the reviling, being sad.
Higgledy-Piggledy the life is passing-
The disdain to it is rushing,
The condition is disgrace
The disgruntle is also keeping pace;
The disfigure shows the case
Tuppence response by the race.
Waiting and waiting to turn
Like, condition burn in the Sun,
Hurly-burly the street is shouting
Thus, the eavesdropper is fighting.
The case is all about someone
Who sits lonely in the street, None-
Other than the man who was saying-
“Please give...in the name of God”.
“I’ve not eaten anything for...”
Tears roll down the cheeks-
The crowd heard new prayers every day.
The tuppence guy couldn’t make it any more
Death, he got as requite and pending-
But his words will always remain never-ending.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Heya, Sayantan! Casanova here to do a review for you!
The first thing I'd like to say is that I liked the message behind this poem, but I do have a few things I'd like to point out.
The first thing is the bold. It's hard on the eyes when so much is used, and I'm having trouble understanding the significance of it in this poem. I could understand a line here or a line there in bold, but the whole poem was confusing in that way.
The next thing I'd like to point out is the apparent rhyme scheme. It doesn't flow well, nor does it seem to be consistent. I would suggest cutting it. And here's an example-
Here the first line rhymes with the third line. Yet here-
The rhyming switches to where one line rhymes with the next one.
Anyway, the overall message of this poem was decent, but I did feel like it lacked imagery and could use some tweaking in the rhyme zone. I think that's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron
I liked this poem however I found it hard to follow along.
As far as criticism, there are a good few things to say but Ill keep it simple.
First off, I recommend dividing your poem into stanzas to help with the flow of verses.
To add to that, I feel punctuation could be improved because I had trouble telling when a sentence ended. A good note is that the first word of each verse does not have to be capitalized, if anything, fixing that would help readers understand the flow of the verses a great deal.
There were a few verses I personally found awkward such as line 2 and 4; in line 4, "No one for..." didn't really make sense to me. Its your poem so I have no right to say "put this here instead" but I would recommend some editing.
Although there were a good few verses that seemed forced with rhyming, not all of them were bad. I myself like to rhyme a bit too much so I can't judge you for rhyming more often then necessary.
I get the idea of the story although like mentioned before, its a bit hard to follow along. I enjoyed your poem and I hope this might help, although you don't have to take my advice.
Have a great day! ^-^