How I usedmy pencil -
Write, Draw, And Sign,
Used by me-
Oh! My Pencil!
Tall and narrow, sharp, like an arrow!
Thin and narrow and kept in box!-
But it doesn’t mischief like cunning fox.
I sharp it, I sharp it, and I sharp it,
I used it, I used it, and I used it,
Long and narrow bought from the shop by me last week -
But now it becameshort and weak.
Now I can’t sharp it, I can’t use it -
I put my poor little pencil in my collection of my oldand small –pencils
Stencils can be used long-
But why notpencils?
Oh! My pencil!
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
So, I came across this poem in the Green Room. I like the title, because it's very honest and rather sweet. Introduces your character and user well, as if you're in character.
Your poem isn't too bad, and I like it a bit. I liked your proclamations of, "Oh! My pencil!" Which sort of reminds me The Birthday Party, who were a band fronted by Nick Cave. I imagined it being screamed in a gravelly voice. I like how this poem comments on creativity and how integral it is for a writer/artist to have their tools, preferably unbroken. It appears to happen in this poem, with the pencil becoming gradually shorter and weaker. It actually made me feel for the pencil, being a fellow writer, and having a degree of empathy for it.
My only problem with this poem is that you stick with one idea throughout the whole thing, without much variety in meaning and/or discussing similar themes through different means. It sort of reminds me throughout the whole thing that the pencil is broken, and has met an unfortunate demise. It would have been nice to have heard the poem from its perspective, rather than relying on the owner of the pencil. Also, that "cunning fox" metaphor was a bit cringe worthy, mainly because I didn't know what on Earth it meant and how it related to anything else in the poem.
Overall, a good effort. It just needs a bit of tweaking.
I am fully agree with you . Thanks for your valuable comment on my articles. Thanks a lot !!!
Its really awesome
Thanks !!!
Its really awesome
Thanks !!!!
SuzetteTheHipster Here to review!
First, this is so cute! I absolutely smiled when I read this.
I'm going to break this down, line by line!
First line, between "used" and "my" there should be a space. Also, instead of "used" I think it would sound better if you only put "use".
Second, third, and fourth line, they're all looking good! I also have no problem with the fifth but I just wanted to say I like how you compared your pencil to an arrow.
Sixth, I'm just a bit confused on your comparison to the fox. But I think if you reworded it it would make more sense. Seventh, I also think that it would make more sense if you said "sharpen" instead of "sharp".
Eight and nine are good. Eleven, again with the space ("became" and "short").
Twelve, sharpen instead of sharp maybe? Thirteen and fourteen, space again ("old" and "and" and "not" and "pencils").
But also, remember, this is your piece! If you like it the way it is, then leave it.
Happy Writing,
SuzetteTheHipster
Yeah !!! from next time I will definitely try to write a good article with no such silly mistakes. Thanks for your suggestion !!!!
This is cute! <3
I LOVE MY PENCILS!