Thirteen Years. I've been waiting 13 years for this day. Graduation Day. That's what I call it at least. I've heard it been called tons of other things though. The Big Day, Coming of Age Day, Wish Day. I hear that last one A LOT.
But I prefer calling it Graduation Day. It feels more like your life is about to change completely, whereas Wish Day is just another day where you happen to make a wish.
In our realm, February 15 is Graduation day. That's not the case for all realms though.
Take my good friend Anya. Her Graduation day already past on the October 17 before mine.
Every baby in each unique realm was born on the same day. Anya was born exactly 6th months earlier then her graduation day would be. So, she was born on April 17.
I was born on August 15. Six months before MY graduation day.
I couldn't help but be nervous. I felt like I was re-living the first chapter of my favorite book, Matched, where Cassia attends her matched banquet. But my graduation will be nothing like her banquet.
A few weeks ago, a post card came in the mail. On the front of the post card was a image of a tall grassy hill. Smack dab in the center of the hill was a blotchy brown patch that very much resembled a knife. Etched into the bottom right corner were the words "The Severed Highlands."
"No surprise there." I thought glumly, both because 1, no graduate in my family DIDN'T have their graduation ceremony there (it was a living tradition). And 2, because it had a knife in the center. Like, what else could they call it? The Knife Hill? I guess. But it wouldn't have the same ring to it.
I flipped the card over to see my name scribbled in black ink on a thin line, Lacey White. Underneath, the date, which I already knew and I have already mentioned: February 15. And beneath that were other directions, like when to arrive and who to call if I have any questions. Which, I didn't. It also mentioned to start brainstorming your wishes, but I ignored that line. I've been brainstorming since the day I was born.
Realm HQ strongly recommends using their wish format:
Wish One: A wish for yourself
Wish Two: A wish for the world/your realm.
Wish Three: A wish for someone/something you care about.
But I won't promise you I'm following it.
Now, here I am, on February 15, staring up at the "Severed Highlands Mountain", knowing that my fate rest's in my own hands.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello sapphire!
Alright, lets get moving on this review...
So, the very first thing I noticed in this short story were the grammatical errors. For instance, you stated "Anya was born exactly 6th months earlier..." when I think what you meant here was "Anya was born exactly six months earlier..." And also one of the preceding sentences where you used "past" instead of "passed". But hey, it happens!
There was also the reference to the book, Matched, which I have no clue about and the simile there wasn't very illustrative - for me, at least.
My final thoughts on the story were you seem to have a good plan where this is headed and its a great idea and all, but I would like to see some details, and a lot more explaining.
Hope your day is going great and good luck in your future works!
rosette
Hey, it's Codayy here for a review! I am curious how this will turn since it's only a five part series. It seems like the conflict shouldn't be that long but who knows. I'll focus on this piece specifically.
I can help but think this could be expanded a lot. Since this is the first part, I'm talking about setting the most but other things can be explained more. This is a fantasy, right? While you do have a concept of having wishes, I don't know what else there is. You do mention the book Matched, so does it coincide with the real world like Harry Potter or Percy Jackson? If it does, explain how. These books either flow into it or explain from the start. You did not.
Minor things are next. For numbers that aren't dates (at least) write the word form. Not 2, but two. You were inconsistent with that. Also, probably not wise to mention products from the real world. Copyright would be an issue and also not everybody won't know what Matched is.
Also, I have a problem with the MC being 13. It's begging for a mess. Perhaps 18... Or 21... 24. I don't know but I wouldn't trust a 13 year old to make this wish.
So my biggest suggestion is to expand your world. It feels empty. What helps is to get an image in your head and record every thought. Now, if you find something necessary, scrap it. However, I think you should be specific until you find that balance.
I hope you improve on this because it's a fun idea but it just needs... More. Have a great day!
Thanks
Wow this is very interesting I can't wait for you to write more!
Thank you!!!