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The Fae Language of Flowers

She knew something was off as soon as she stepped onto the third floor of her rundown building. The dread in her stomach built with every sodden step she took up the rickety stairs. Growing larger and larger with every floor of the apartment building as she climbed.

Floor one: No soft notes of song drifting from the siren behind the door of 1C .

The rain dropped steadily off of her black umbrella, but seemed to quicken with her heartbeat as she hastened towards the next stairway.

Floor two: No putrid stench of boiled frog brains roiling out from the entrance of 2B, even with the multiple No-Stench spells the witch that lived there used to keep the reek away.

Her pounding thoughts seemed too loud as her feet were soundless on the wooden floorboards moving faster, faster towards the next level.

Floor Three: No lingering cackle of the poltergeist that enjoyed tripping the unsuspecting tennant as they rummaged for their keys after a long day.

Along with the missing sounds and stenches that usually emitted from the worn building, there were no scurrying fey children playing on knobby knees, pushing around the renters as they scrambled lost in their mock battles and games of wit. The silence was eerie.

Her breath rattled out of her chest as the wrongness of the situation pressed on her shoulders. She should leave. Right now. He could have found her. She had taken every precaution. Every step that was necessary to stay out of his web of information. Left everything of herself behind. Perhaps it hadn’t been enough. She needed to run. But first she needed supplies. Grab the things that she would need and disappear again. Fading into the world like the dew trapped on the lacework of a spider vanished under the heat of the sun.

The trembling in her fingers cost her several seconds as she tried to fit the key into the ancient lock on her door. Finally, she managed to yank the door open, and the cloying choking smell that hit her almost made her vomit right there on the grimy carpet.

When the tears in her eyes cleared she laid eyes on the source of the overwhelming floral scent. Roses. Red ones. Hundreds of them. They were winding up the legs of the single chair and table like they were trellises. Blooming out of the drain of the sink in the kitchen. Winding over the moth-eaten curtains and around the rod that held them up. Even more pushing through the heating vents high up on the walls looking as if there was a blood-red waterfall of stained glass on the cracked plaster. It took her a moment to fight through the thorns that bloodied her arms and legs in pin pricks of pain and pull past the petals that seemed to reach out and grab for her hands. When she did, she saw the message woven on the wall across from the window. In bold, familiar, cursive writing, roses spelled out,

“I’ve found you, did you miss me, mo ghràidh?”

He’d found her. After months of running, he’d finally found her. Her stomach settled as she realized that her dread and panic were well founded. Her energy transferred into adrenaline as she lunged through the explosive garden towards the closet. She always kept a bag packed with the essentials one needed to disappear. A change of clothes, food, cloaking spells and energy potions. Her fingers gripped the handles of the nondescript bag as she reached under the kitchen table and pulled out a dirk sheathed in a plain leather scabbard. Pulling out the long knife, she hacked her way through the roses and back towards the door.

She was almost through the threshold when more blossoms sprouted up and started pulling and pushing her back. Furiously, she sawed through them for she knew what would follow the sudden growth. Who would follow. The scent of them grew stronger and stronger. Too slow. She was too damned slow to get through this pretty trap. He was here.

“I always thought roses were your favorite, Elspeth. Or, perhaps, they are mine. You know how forgetful I am in my old age.” A voice as soft as the dawn on a mist filled morning swirled through her apartment.

Slowly, she turned and looked at the man who had haunted her in her dreams and hunted her when she was awake for the last six months. Polished leather shoes shined dully in the reddish light that made it through the impenetrable wall of thorns around us. Slim trousers hid powerful legs and a maroon suit jacket was stretched across broad shoulders. A slim black tie matched the black lapels of the jacket where a pin fashioned to look like a raven captured in mid flight with a rose clutched in one claw and a sword in the other.

She did not look into that face, as she had so many times before. She knew the warlock standing before her. Bence Miklos. The leader and mastermind of the underworld organization Turul.

Comments & reviews · 5
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Plume
Review
Plume wrote a review · Sun Apr 26, 2020 1:49 pm

Good job!! The title was one of the things that drew me to this piece. I think you are very good at describing things. You did a great job at capturing the fantasy-ness of this. I was confused at the beginning bit, because it seemed as though your main character was already on the third floor but then you talked about her going through all the floors. I didn't quite get this. Also, I think you could do better when talking about each floors. The way you have it shown now is a touch awkward and hard to understand. I had to read the first part of this over three times before I got what you were trying to say. Overall: great concept and voice! I look forward to seeing more.

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Horisun
Review

Hello! Happy Review day! And regular day!
I thought this concept was really interesting, and it was really well written as well. I had a really good time reading this! However, as interesting as this is, I think it could do with being simplified a little bit, as in a short story, having too many loose ends leaves readers unsatisfied. If you were to continue this as a series, I'd probably really enjoy it, or even if you just extended it into multiple parts in general. But as it is, it's either too much, or too little, if you know what I mean.
Overall, I really enjoyed this, didn't see many grammar or spelling mistakes, and was hooked the entire way through! Keep on writing, and Happy Reviews!

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Elinor
Review
Elinor wrote a review · Sun Apr 26, 2020 12:23 am

Hi again ryleigha!

Elinor back again representing Slytherin house to review your short story! I still hope that you're having a magic day.

Like with your past one, I enjoyed reading this story. I think you're very a talented writer and great at painting a picture for your audience. It reminded me of a book I read awhile back. I can't remember the title for the life of me but it was about a woman who ended up working at a shady company. And there were different, let's call them supernatural surprises on the different floors.

Where I struggled with this is that feels incomplete, like only a sliver of a larger story that you wanted to tell. Maybe that's what you intended, but it the ending feels less like an ending and more the end of a chapter. I'd be curious if you plan to continue this in anyway, and I would love to learn more about your overall intention with the piece was.

I think we get the most sense of your world building, andI wanted to know more about the characters. Like with your previous story, we also don't learn her name until close to the end, which makes it difficult to follow her journey.

Hope this helps and that your day is filled with magic! Keep writing and slither on!

All the best,
Elinor

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shayspeare
Review

Hi. I'm Shay.

You have an amazing writing style. I will give you that. But the repetition of the floor and notes about it are a bit redundant. That's my only issue with this text, so the next part will be analyzing.

You're very descriptive. For example, in the second to last paragraph, I liked "polished leather shoes shined dully in the reddish light", "Slim trousers hid powerful legs," etc. I could really picture the man -- Bence. It's very Harry Potter-esque, I will mention. I can really see your ominous tone.

And I loved the ending. It ended with a bang.

Good job.

- Shay.

User avatar
JesseWrites
Review

Jesse here to review, so I am hopping in now.

The introductions to the floors were quite sloppy.
"Room 1:" I do not recommend to add the colons, but that is just a preference. It makes it visually appealing.

"No-Stench"
Does it really need to be capitalized?

"knobby knees"
I wouldn't think that is a good descriptor for knees. It sounds a lot like the house elf, Dobby, which is fitting for this Review Day.

The man was described like an info dump. I suggest to weave it into the story somehow.

"She knew the warlock standing before her. Bence Miklos."
Comma needed before the name.

I find this concept fascinating.

Thanks,
Jesse.



The chains of habits are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.
— Warren Buffet