I don’t find peace in the rain.
I had never realized it before now, but perhaps sleepless nights do that to people. Exhaustion makes them realize little tiny facts about themselves that they had chosen to ignore or just hadn’t noticed. Like how I never seem to keep nail polish untarnished for more than a day, or how I can crack my wrist like it’s one of my fingers ever since my car accident last December, or like how my glasses that I rarely wear are always covered in grime and I just can’t tell because my perspective is too close.
I find peace in snow.
I find peace in the way the gentle white puffs of cold seem to deaden all noise and movement as they peacefully drift down, down, down. I find peace in the way the snow catches the red, green, yellow, red of the stoplight outside my window when I can’t find it in me to sleep. Sightless, I gaze out over the growing snow banks and listen to the decades old plows trundle along the street next to mine. The creak-hum of the heater turning on and off becomes my clock, counting down the half-hours till the sun comes up. The shuffle-sigh of my dog on the floor reminds me that I should be sleeping too. But tonight is the first night that I have been able to just sit and think. And Think. And Think.
Eventually the trundles, creak-hums, and shuffle-sighs become my lullaby. Sending me off into a world where the real and the imaginary can finally be together, like old friends that have been separated by too much time and too much distance.
I find peace in the snow, in the cold, dull noises and sights.
I don’t find peace in the rain.
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I remember having the same headspace, the cold is so much more reassuring than being soaked. A side of why you don't relate to the rain would really enhance the issue, albeit careful not to sound too negative about it. A more indifferent approach might be effective!
Those long nights lost in thought really bring to light who you are in the moment, it takes a long time to rest easy. Finding your peace is a wonderful start and just that simple understanding resonates with me and others I'm sure.
Good luck finding what lets you rest easy and live well,
-J.T.
Hey ryleigha, and welcome to YWS! My name's Tuck, and I'll be reviewing for you today. Let's jump into it!
I like the brevity of this and the way that you were succinct but clear about what you were communicating. It's a sign of good, strong, robust writing. The repetition at the beginning and end was a great way to tie everything together. This thought was original and deep, but comprehensible and relatable.
I think this piece would be strengthened if you established your feelings about the rain. You mention how you feel about snow, but what is it specifically that you dislike about the rain? There's a lot of potential there for you to describe your feelings surrounding the rain, and then to explore the contrast between rain and snow. If you need some starting ground, I've found rain to be oppressive, loud, distracting, sometimes scary. You could regress into childhood and explore the fear of thunderstorms. There's a lot of possibilities for growth there.
As a final nitpick, the second sentence of the third-to-last paragraph seemed to come out of nowhere. It didn't connect with the rest of the story, and it didn't contain the depth necessary to introduce a new element. It made the focus of the story waver, and detracted from the main point.
I hope this review was helpful to you and provided you with some thinking points! The writing here was truly superb, and the metaphors and metaphorical prose was strong and rich throughout. If you have any questions about this review, please let me know and I'd be happy to address them!
Until next time,
Tuck
Hello, and Happy Review Day!
Can I just say that I really loved this piece? The word choice brought me to another world, and I felt like I was actually sitting by a window sill, watching the snow fall.
I found the last line quite humorous, actually. It switched the tone up on the readers at the very last moment, providing a wonderful, snarky comment. (I think that's what you were trying to do)
Another thing I loved about this piece that's kind of an extension of the previous thing I mentioned is how you used commas, and how you repeated some words.
It sounds kind of weird, when I say it like that, but in moments like "-just sit down and think. And think. And think." The periods slowed down the work in a way that I thought fit. It gave it a very laid back, maybe a little sleepy, and... CHILL tone! (haha, see what I did there?)
On that note, Happy Review Day, and keep on writing!
Hello! I hope this review helps you!
So let's begin! I love how monotonous your idea was. Though directly said twice in the entire piece, its idea was a watermark felt through every sentence I read. Everything you listed, before "I found peace in snow" and after it, were well seperated by the consistency of each memory or highlight. Because, when I read them seperately, I could tell the difference. I could see what each one was trying to tell. Of course I don't exacly what you had in mind, but I caught a glimpse.
I get that its just a style of writing but it doesn't sound right when you put it this way. Perhaps you should say, "peacefully drift down, down, and down." Similarly. could be put as, "just sit and think and think and think and think" You see because it causes a little disruption in the flow. This way, you can see the thought fading so the reader doesn't have to stop to process.
So I loved the way you've concluded it. Again, the consistency of ideas is what makes this a great piece. Please keep writing and again, I hope I was of help.
Yours sincerely,
Grav
Hi! Thank you! This really helped! Thanks also for those stylistic ideas!
Hi! It’s AngelLily!
Okay, so one of the first things I noticed was you didn’t indent, it’s not that big of a deal, but it helps. I loved the adjectives you used, it really helped paint a picture in my mind. The flow and parallel structure is great. I also loved the sensory language you used. I didn’t really see any grammar mistakes, so good job. I see you’re new to the community. Welcome! I hope you’re liking it here!
Keep on writing and let inspiration flow!
~AngelLily 😇
Hi!
Thank you so much for your review! i copy-pasted from Google Drive and for some reason if I indented it would move the whole paragraph over, so I'm trying to figure that out! Any tips and tricks would be welcome! Thanks for the welcome too!
Yeah, I copy and paste my stuff from Word and it does the same thing. I just do 5 spaces before the first word of every paragraph and it usually does the trick. Hopefully that helps! Also, could you check of my story, The Girl Behind the Smile? Thanks!
Thanks for the advice! And of course I'll check it out now!