The Dance

This is really good. I like your vivid verb use, like "floats", "twirl", "pulls", "gasps", "grips", etc. I also like how the relationship is described between the people by their dance. A relationship is like a dance, you show, because you both must understand each other and go with each other's movements. You trust each other and support each other, just like a dance. Also, you show that despite the difficulties of a dance/relationship (keeping in time, the fear of trusting somone else), they are supposed to be fun, showed by the twinkle in your eye and playfulness of the dance.

I also liked the repetition in the beginning and end of the poem. It was very subtle but effective.

The only thing I think you should change is to add in a simile or metaphor somewhere, or personification. I like when poetry makes you see unexpected imagery. Here, the imagery is very straightforward and clear, which is good, but there aren't any hidden surprises in the combination of words (it's been said that any two juxtaposed words sing with a certain harmony or dissonance).

Though, on second thought, since the simplicity and innocence of the moment is so important to the poem, maybe you should leave out complicated devices so you don't lose the simplicity.

Pix here!

I really like this. It's really like your there. Great job.

Also, as Nargles said, punctuation is a problem. At the end of each line, I think their should be a comma, but that's just me.

Overall, It's great. Keep up the good work.

~Katie.

Hello,

I think this is a nice piece and that you captivated dance perfectly. However in saying that you should focus on putting comma's and fullstops in as they help break up the piece as well as stanzas. I know that not everybody enjoys or likes putting commas and all in poetry and I understand that but here i think it is needed because the stanzas are longish and need to be broken up a bit.

I found a few spelling mistakes and i will just point them out to you so that it is easy to fix them.
'sceen' i think is 'scene.'
'eachother' is each other' i assume.

I liked how you started with the white dress and ended with. I though that it was clever and puts in a bit of repetition which is nice.

I thought is was brilliant and really good!!

Nargles xx