Whispers of the moon

Wow, really pretty poem. Love the imagery and the feeling it conveys. I feel like the person that this poem is about is someone who is very trusting, and knows that the thought of another day is a happy thought, not a sad or anxious one. I also like the idea that she is not alone; like she know that like how nature comforts her, maybe something spiritual is also there. Great job!

Ok firstly good job!
It is a well written poem with lots of great imagery and description in it!
But it is lacking in something and for me it is really a story line of some sense.
Not that every poem needs a story but this one seems to just be a bunch of well written lines about the moon. I know that that sounds really harsh so sorry but for me it is the truth.

If you look at it as a poem about the moon, which it is, then it is gorgeous and I couldn't complain about it.

Maybe add in a bit of suspense of something of that sort to it!

It is a great poem and I really enjoyed it!!

An amazing poem with a simple story. An enjoyable read.

The Good Stuff:

1: Description. Black as silk. glistening stars. Right on!

2. Narrative. I don't see too many of these, hanging around. This tells a simple short story in poetry form!

The Bad Stuff:

1. The first two lines don't make a whole lot of sense. Her hair is black on a starry night. It seems kinda like it's missing something, I don't know. Just a suggestion.


I love this! Good job!

Short and sweet is how I'd summarise the poem :')
But, of course, I'm a critic here, and as a critic I must tear the insides of your poem outside and nit-pick at the corpse!
All jokes aside, I really liked the poem, the rhythm was solid, the meter was balanced and nothing seemed out of place - no wanton, allegorical similes/metaphors that is. I noticed that the meter of each couplet was evenly balanced; I'm curious to know, was that intentional?
The ONLY thing that I could nitpick on is the cliché simile: "as black as silk", maybe it's personal preference, but anything being compared to silk these days creates a slight irk for me!
Other than that, I enjoyed the poem and look forward to reading more from you! (The poem also kinda looks like your avatar too - would that be a coincidence, I wonder?)

Now, I'm curious as to what the real purpose of this poem is. I realize I'm jumping into semantics right off the bat which is a little bit odd for me and probably a bit frustrating to read, but from what I can define as literal, it seems as if this person has waited up all night to rise with the morning sun. Now, I don't know if this is metaphorical for something a lot more deep than what it is, but from what I can tell so far, I'm really not quite sure. Possibly elaborate a bit for me?

Now, when it comes to poetry form and structure, it's a little starchy. Very short and to the point. You play around with some interesting images but nothing really very original in the thought processes. I would suggest not being so forward with some of the star imagery. Maybe talk about a network of fireflies or something that you can compare those said stars to.

I quite like the idea of a 'whispering moon'.

Now, from what I can tell, this is very free-versed. If that's the case, my biggest suggestion would be to ditch some of the unnecessary punctuation. And capitalization if you're comfortable with that idea. It's distracting seeing commas after nearly ever line.

As well as the fact that I found it a bit disconcerting that your lines were so fragmented and broken down. They were short and to the point, I realize, but connecting some of these sentences a little bit further might prove to be quite worthwhile for you. Either or, I should suspect.

Now, back to the theme. I feel as if the subtlety was a bit too much in this case of this poem. It's hard to get an understanding of something in so short an amount of space. And though the imagery is bright and pretty much the forefront of this piece, it could definitely use a bit more substance. A bit more emotion than what has been shown up to this point. Nonetheless, I found it quite refreshing to see a poem dressed up rather than being a skeleton of what could be.

Anyways, my biggest suggestion here is to bring more substance to this. More of the original theme but stronger and diversified. It's so weak and short as is even though you have grasped the concept of imagery that it would be a shame to leave it in such a state. I would suggest picking this back up whenever you have the chance and make changes you might deem worthy of inspection.

Other than that, it was a pleasant read!
~Walker

I do like this but i think it could a little bit longer. I like how i could actually imagine the girl in my mind by reading but I will admit i had to read a few times to get a clear picture for it wasn't very vivid for me. I did enjoy this though, and I think you could get better with more practice. Keep it up.