Young Writers Society

Hello, I'm here to review this wonderful/creative poem. (Even though I'm a little late.)

I would like to say that I think that you are very creative because you thought of this from off the top of your head. If I wrote something like this it would take me hours to write it. You have to real talent for writing poetry if you just came up with something like this from the top of your head.

The only thing that was a little confusing for me was:
"ABC,123.
I didn't get how that had anything to do with the breaking, shattering, or it just being gone. The only thing that I could think of was you comparing that to a kindergarten child having to learn this stuff, and it being hard for them. (This is only my opinion, don't be mad.) If you were not going for that then I'm sorry for the miss understanding.

Other than me being confused, I really liked this. It was just really creative. I can actually tell that you are a very creative person, if you came up with this from the top of your head. The reader can actually relate to what you wrote(if it is relate able to them). Anyway, I really loved it, and I hope to read more of your creativity in the future. Keep up the good work!!

~Namjoon~

Hey! I thought I'd pop by to review this, and may I say great job capturing the mood of the piece in a short work! Bravo.

Onto my critiques. The first is pacing. You have line breaks and punctuation everywhere, and it makes for some crazy pacing. Try reading it like you would read regular prose - period to period. Edit as needed. Then, go back and see where it makes logical sense to add in a line break. Also, stanza definition would be nice.

Another thing that bugged me, but is probably just personal preference, is how many times you use the word hard. You use it 6 times, 4 times completely back-to-back. It reads weird. Also, your inclusion of "hardest." I understand wanting to include the superlative degree, but there's nothing to tell us what "hardest" pairs with. It's a bit disconcerting.

Overall, great job, and keep writing!

Hey there riles.
A late welcome to yws.

First thing I always recommend as a poetry mod: employ some stanzas.
A lot of times, poets feel like for short poems, they don't really need to do any formatting because it's going to be over soon anyways. You've still got 3 main avenues running here, so this is the form that I would recommend.

When your heart breaks,
It breaks hard.
When your soul snaps,
It snaps hard.
When your life shatters,
It shatters hard.

Hard.
Harder.
Hardest.
ABC, 123.

Break.
Snap.
Shatter.
Gone.

When your heart breaks,
It breaks hard.
When your soul snaps,
It snaps hard.
When your life shatters,
It shatters hard.

Hard.
Harder.
Hardest.
ABC, 123.

Break.
Snap.
Shatter.
Gone.

Hello There!! AlmondEyes here to do a quick review!!

Anyways (ahem xD),

Let me begin by saying I do not agree with manilla. I liked this poem. You were very straight and to the point, which I liked. Something destroyed you. I honestly like the way went about saying it. I get what she means about getting more from the poem by stopping at

ABC, 123.

Break.

Snap.

Shatter.

Gone.

Hello, riles. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we?

I. Clarity & Message
I can understand the message clearly. Heartbreak can shatter one’s life, and that was what the speaker is trying to say. I enjoyed the theme you did here, since I dabble in dark poems myself.

II. Tone
Even though I enjoyed reading the poem, the emotion… the tone of the poem is not there. To me, I did not sense any sadness or pain. Even though the poem shows potential and the words written are good, it lacks the emotional connection between the speaker and the reader. When you write about heartbreak, the speaker needs to express that pain and sadness through the words.

III. Structure
The structure of the poem seems to be holding itself back. Or say the speaker is SAYING how they feel but they are not EXPRESSING how they feel. Also, you don’t have to capitalize the first word on each line. You can simply let it be free-flowing. For example:

When your heart breaks it breaks hard When your soul snaps It snaps hard When your life shatters It shatters hard.

This review courtesy of

This poem is very to-the-point, but I feel that if you extended it, more meaning would've come across to the reader.

"ABC, 123."