z

Young Writers Society



Of broken bottles

by rida


on the shore,

    broken bottles. my mother

spinning whispers from sea-foam,

listen:

my mother and her mother before her,

     our grandmothers and their grandmothers,

never forget. love is a scar they wear

       on their wrists, above their veins.

spin sea-foam from whispers,

      send broken bottles to uncertain lands.

listen:

        my mother and her mother before her,

our grandmothers and their grandmothers,

     tell me love is the mist that hangs like

a bride’s veil, the mist that hangs

      in a woman’s throat.

listen:

     in india a bride wears a red veil, because

red, they say, is the colour of life.

      trace henna in their hands: oceans and waves,

ripples and below it all, love:

     red mist, scar like a jewellery strung across our

veins.

my mother and her mother before her,

our grandmothers and their grandmothers,

never forget: love

      the mist that hangs in their throats,

sing:

      the mist that births whispers,

sea-foam-

     by the shore, we send

our songs in bottles to the sea,

listen, listen:

they come back broken,

           again

and again

      and again.


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User avatar
77 Reviews


Points: 51
Reviews: 77

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Wed Mar 15, 2023 11:42 pm
SofieR wrote a review...



Hey there! Sofie here with a review :)

First off, I think you did a great job on this. The poem flows very well and is very lyrical, almost transfixing. I also like how you formatted it, too. It just serves the lyrical feel of the poem. I especially like the line;


"my mother and her mother before her,

our grandmothers and their grandmothers,

never forget: love

the mist that hangs in their throats,"


This just makes me think of family legacy and how we are all the products of many many generations.

Anyway, great job on this! Can't wait to read more from you :)

Sofia




rida says...


Thank you so much! <33



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1228 Reviews


Points: 144000
Reviews: 1228

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Wed Mar 08, 2023 7:33 pm
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alliyah says...



This is gorgeous.




rida says...


Thank you <33



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93 Reviews


Points: 2211
Reviews: 93

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Wed Mar 08, 2023 4:14 pm
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starbean wrote a review...



Hi rida! Hannah here for a quick review. It’s been almost two years since I’ve done one, so wish me luck haha.

Wow. That was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL poem. I could read it over and over again. I loved the line:

my mother,
spinning whispers from sea-foam

You did a really good job on the format and the line breaks, it worked perfectly. The repetition of the line:
my mother and her mother before her,

our grandmothers and their grandmothers,

It fit the poem really well. The metaphors were beautiful.

Nitpicks:

trace henna in their hands: oceans and waves,

ripples and below it all, love:

red mist, scar like a jewellery strung across our

veins.

You misspelled jewelry here.
I noticed that you said “trace henna in their hands” and then you did “scar like a jewelry strung across our hands”
I don’t know if switching from their to our was intentional or not.

Conclusion:
But the nitpicks don’t matter. I worked really hard to find them lol. This was an absolutely beautiful poem and I wish that I could write half as good as you. You are very talented! Have a good day/night!


Hannah




rida says...


Aww thank you so much for your review!!!! <333




Every empire tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires.
— Edward Said