Published March 7, 2023
on the shore,
broken bottles. my mother
spinning whispers from sea-foam,
listen:
my mother and her mother before her,
our grandmothers and their grandmothers,
never forget. love is a scar they wear
on their wrists, above their veins.
spin sea-foam from whispers,
send broken bottles to uncertain lands.
listen:
my mother and her mother before her,
our grandmothers and their grandmothers,
tell me love is the mist that hangs like
a bride’s veil, the mist that hangs
in a woman’s throat.
listen:
in india a bride wears a red veil, because
red, they say, is the colour of life.
trace henna in their hands: oceans and waves,
ripples and below it all, love:
red mist, scar like a jewellery strung across our
veins.
my mother and her mother before her,
our grandmothers and their grandmothers,
never forget: love
the mist that hangs in their throats,
sing:
the mist that births whispers,
sea-foam-
by the shore, we send
our songs in bottles to the sea,
listen, listen:
they come back broken,
again
and again
and again.
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140,259 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Hey there! Sofie here with a review
First off, I think you did a great job on this. The poem flows very well and is very lyrical, almost transfixing. I also like how you formatted it, too. It just serves the lyrical feel of the poem. I especially like the line;
"my mother and her mother before her,
our grandmothers and their grandmothers,
never forget: love
the mist that hangs in their throats,"
This just makes me think of family legacy and how we are all the products of many many generations.
Anyway, great job on this! Can't wait to read more from you
Sofia
Thank you so much! <33
This is gorgeous.
Thank you <33
Hi rida! Hannah here for a quick review. It’s been almost two years since I’ve done one, so wish me luck haha.
Wow. That was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL poem. I could read it over and over again. I loved the line:
You did a really good job on the format and the line breaks, it worked perfectly. The repetition of the line:
It fit the poem really well. The metaphors were beautiful.
Nitpicks:
You misspelled jewelry here.
I noticed that you said “trace henna in their hands” and then you did “scar like a jewelry strung across our hands”
I don’t know if switching from their to our was intentional or not.
Conclusion:
But the nitpicks don’t matter. I worked really hard to find them lol. This was an absolutely beautiful poem and I wish that I could write half as good as you. You are very talented! Have a good day/night!
Hannah
Aww thank you so much for your review!!!! <333