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Young Writers Society



at two in boarding

by regismare


it's two in boarding
no, not the afternoon when on a saturday
we eat instant noodles and scones
no, it's the morning

with the prussian blue
of the rain above england lit up by the soft
glow of the year ten bathroom lights.
it's the time for sleep

or dreams of sleep, when
i stand at the window on the stairwell - the one
with the draught and the strange noise -
and i think about things.

it's not time to recite
tacitus but it's time when i, alone, think about
how much i hate to be, alone, and
how the cold feels

i think about how
i will miss the bathroom glow, and the humming pipes
and the endlessness of the rain
and my messy little room

because at two in
boarding, i am alone with myself and the dark
and i think about things i don't like
as i stare into the night.


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Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:53 pm
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MeisterChan wrote a review...



Hey there, regismare! Scythe here to review, as promised (albeit a little late, sorry!)

It's a pleasure to be finally reading some of your work (I don't believe I have before now?), so here goes! :D

What I liked:

I enjoyed the easy flow of this, it was so light hearted and comfortable to read. Definitely something for teenage audiences. I really loved this line, because it showed that soft and appealing tone:

with the prussian blue
of the rain above england lit up by the soft
glow of the year ten bathroom lights.
it's the time for sleep



I'm going to contradict that statement though, by saying how much I liked the dark, depressing themes of the poem. I could be wrong, but I really did think the beginning stanzas showed a beautiful setting: "prussian blue", "soft glow", etc.

Perhaps they did, which is why I adore the contradiction. It's so realistic and significant to a teenager; the flurry and mix of emotions. The soft glow of happiness and the darkness that comes through being lonely with ones thoughts.

I also liked the fact no capitals were used. Generally, I might be nitpicky about that issue, but I think the style really suited its audience and message. It's not so much that teenagers are illiterate, but rather that, in some ways, capital letters can be shown as strong, mature and direct whereas lower-case letters show a sort of immature and informal front, much like a teenager.

I love the use of "boarding", it's subtle but gets the message across; the person is from a boarding school, hence the main setting for this, thus reinforcing the idea that this is meant for teenagers.


What I disliked:

First of all, I disliked a certain point of view within the poem;

it's two in boarding
no, not the afternoon when on a saturday
we eat instant noodles and scones
no, it's the morning


Here, in the first stanza, you mention a second person, "we", but later there is no further interaction of the person. Actually, that is the only time another person is ever mentioned, so it was slightly confusing. Who is this mystery person?

Not only that, but the poem is categorised under "romance", so I had the assumption we would see something of that nature, and perhaps a second party to fulfil that expectation. Although there is of course that mysterious other person, they didn't actually have any real placement to fit into that romantic perspective, so here's my question: where is the romance in this poem? From what I can see, there is none. There is only the thoughts of a teenager on what appears to be the brink of a meltdown, saddened by an assumable departure.

This may be a tad nitpicky, but you do need to capitalise a few words. Although I've stated that I enjoyed the misuse of capitals for the poem, there actually are certain instances where you must use them.

saturday should be changed to Saturday, since it's a day and has significance, along with prussian and england (both of which are countries, so most definitely hold the same importance).

I couldn't really find any grammar issues, so if I have missed any out I'm so very sorry! Great work, though, I adored this piece, it was beautiful and so relatable (despite hating school for the most part). I'm not kidding when I say this; keep writing! You have a beautiful talent within you <3

-- ScytheMeister




regismare says...


Thank you for the review! We was meant to refer to the whole of the boarding house but it isn't clear at all, haha! The romance bit is a bit abstract as well - it was more of the romance of being alone and (I know it sounds weird because everyone talks so badly about boarding school but) the romance of being in boarding with so many people and being completely alone. Thanks for the review : )



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Sun Apr 02, 2017 3:53 am
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pensive wrote a review...



I figure the best thing to do my first day on this website is to review, so here I go.
Although first confusing, this poem strikes me as one which is written with a lot of emotion and meaning. The worth of a poem is, after all, not only defined by its' grammar. I like the feeling of this poem, how it seems to be written completely from the inside of the head of a lonely, maybe depressed boarding school student. I almost relate to this person.
But, besides that, I will review the grammar of your poem. I will ignore that you have not capitalized any sentence beginnings, because I'm almost sure that you did that for aesthetic reasons. I noticed that some sentences have proper punctuation and others do not, and I am unsure if that was intentional. If not, you may want to check your poem and place or remove punctuation as you please. You have a poem with a lot of potential here, and although it doesn't need much work in my opinion, a little work will bring it a long way.

Best of luck to you.
This has been a review from pensive.




regismare says...


Welcome to YWS! And thanks for the review - I'm glad you like my poem! I'm overdue an editing session with my poetry, so your advice will be really helpful ^-^




"I'd be a quote vigilante. A literary Batman. Someone had better be quoting me now!"
— Feltrix