Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Script » General

E - Everyone

what I Am

by rainynight13


I'm not sure who I am

Not entirely, anyway

I'm one huge contradiction

I like to be happy

Yet always think sad thoughts

I say I'm brutally honest

Yet always lie to myself

I say I hate people

Yet I constantly yearn for them

So I don't understand how,

Oh how

I can possibly be so angry that no one understands  me

When I can't even do that myself


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
485 Reviews


Points: 21027
Reviews: 485

Donate
Tue Sep 20, 2016 6:01 pm
Elijah wrote a review...



King here

Hello there! I think that the tittle is very simple but still kind of appealing for me. There are stuff in this work that just turns me off and I hope this does not sound as rude as I feel it sounds. My problem, or one of them, is that there is a lack of punctuation also wrong way of the use of the capitalization at least in my eyes. I also do not understand why this is not a published work as a poetry, maybe there is a reason behind that, maybe you are editing it. Anyways, lets leave this behind. I think the work itself is a relatable writing because you talk about yourself but in this way, by using first prespective, you let the reader feel like they are in this situation and almost, or actually, relate and understand the feelings by thinking they are there and that they are the author. Thinking about it, each person has many kind of sides and shades, not only one who we show to the word and to the people around us. For the messege in this work, I really have no complain. I think that only these grammar jazz can make it look a bit better and catch the eye a bit more. I do not find capitalization so needed in each next line so this is an issue also.


Before I actually edit this work, I need to ask what the second line means because it makes no sense for me. The word anyway is the thing that bothers me, what is the meaning of the word there? I will edit it the way it is even if I do not understand why you even need it there. I will understand it though if it is connected with the third line but I am not quite sure, I will just think of it this way.



I'm not sure who I am,

not entirely, but anyways,

I'm one huge contradiction.

I like to be happy,

yet always think have these sad thoughts.

I say I'm brutally honest,

yet always lie to myself.

I say I hate people,

yet I constantly yearn for them.

So I don't understand how,

Oh how

I can possibly be so angry that no one understands me.

When I can't even do that myself?




User avatar
24 Reviews


Points: 939
Reviews: 24

Donate
Wed Sep 14, 2016 4:20 am
tammy777 wrote a review...



Hi
Short and cute piece of poem. Though i feel that the words used here could have been more matured to reveal the pain and dejection also at the same time excited and happy. I can mostly relate the context with my teenage years when i used to feel as same as your writing says. It's good to visit my teenage years once again and feel the same. However, it could have been more better with the better usage of the words and a detailed description of how one is feeling. Write more and enjoy. I expect more in your next piece of art.

Thank You :)




User avatar
120 Reviews


Points: 4842
Reviews: 120

Donate
Sun Aug 28, 2016 3:23 pm
RippleGylf wrote a review...



Hello! Ripple here on this exhilarating Review Day.

I can definitely relate to a lot of the points you make here. Being self-contradictory is a daily battle. You absolutely nail that in this poem.

Like 5kKitty, I think this really should be considered a poem, not a script. I am guessing that it was a mistake made accidentally when publishing it.

My main gripe with this piece is the punctuation, or lack thereof. Line breaks do not on their own indicate a pause, so if read aloud, it would sound like a very long run-on sentence. I would definitely recommend that you add commas and periods where appropriate.

Another issue I have is the capitalization. It seems like you arbitrarily capitalized each line. Now, capitalization is really flexible in poetry. However, if there is a specific purpose in capitalizing each line, it's not getting through. For this piece, I'd recommend that you capitalize it like you would if it was a collection of sentences and not a poem. By all means, keep the line breaks, but capitalize as if they weren't there.

Overall, it is an amazing piece, with only a few technical errors. Fix those, and this piece will be outstanding. Keep writing!




User avatar
22 Reviews


Points: 378
Reviews: 22

Donate
Fri Aug 19, 2016 6:42 pm
5kKitty wrote a review...



This sounds exactly like me! This was very well thought out and put together nicely. My two favorite parts of this work are:

1. "I say I hate people Yet I constantly yearn for them"

2. "I don't understand how...I can possibly be so angry that no one understands me When I can't even do that myself."

I am confused why this is marked as a script, yet it seems like a poem.
Well, those are my thoughts and opinions. Keep writing! And have a fantabulous day!

- 5kKitty





And on the pedestal these words appear:/'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;/Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'/Nothing beside remains.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley