Writer's note: This goes along with Crown Prince Derek and the Dragon. It is kind of a rewrite considering that the characters were not developed in the other one. So I wrote a backstory for them and this is supposed to be the first in the series. (Keep in mind that this is a story for 6-10 year olds so it is going to be short. When it is finished it is supposed to be about 7000 to 9000 words) Thanks for reading!
Chapter Two
Derek stood up from his desk at dawn. His back and neck were stiffer than boards of wood. He stretched slowly and moved to his wardrobe. He pulled out a set of brown riding clothes and leather boots. He slipped the letter into his shirt and covered it with a vest. When he was dressed he went to his parent’s suite and knocked quietly on the door. His father opened it and stared down at him.
“Well, son, it seems that you are ready to leave.” His father said. No emotion showed in his voice. Derek smiled proudly at his father.
“Yes, Father.” He said. Arabella walked to the doorway, graceful as usual. She placed her hands on Derek’s cheeks and smiled sadly.
“You grew up too fast.” She said, “Be careful on your journey. Don’t forget the letter.” Arabella placed a kiss on Derek’s forehead and retreated back into her suite. Derek turned on his heel and walked down to the kitchen. The servants hurried to finish what they were doing and some of them left. An elderly woman grabbed a sack from off the counter and gently placed in in Derek’s hand. He opened it and inspected its contents. There were apples, lots of deer jerky, and a canteen of water inside. HE grabbed a loaf of bread and ripped it in half. The young woman who had made it scowled as she grabbed one half of it. Derek wrapped the other half and placed it in the pack.
“Thank you.” He said to the servants, and he walked out to the stables. Keagan, the prince’s black stallion, was standing in his stall. He looked at the horse and opened the stall. The horse immediately walked out of the small box and out into the courtyard. Derek flung a saddle onto his back and slipped the bridle on. With his horse ready, Derek turned to a guard standing by the stables.
“Fetch me my sword, if you would.” He said to the man. The guard nodded and walked towards the fencing shed where Derek kept his sword. When he returned, Derek pulled the sword from its sheath and twirled it around. He was quite good with a sword at that point and had won many duels with the guards. The hilt of the sword was gold with emeralds placed in a small pattern. Derek always took time to admire the fine craftsmanship of the sword.
“Tell my parents that I have begun my journey.” Derek commanded. He mounted the horse and clicked his tongue as he snapped the reigns, making the horse move forward. Keagan’s strong body moved rapidly through the castle grounds and into the village surrounding the castle. Millersville was a large village where many men came to sell the wheat from the mills, hence the name Millersville.
As Derek travelled through the square of the village, many people yelled out. “Look! Crown Prince Derek has come to the village!” one man cried. Many people cheered and Derek waved to them as he moved through. He could feel his cheeks and ears redden because of his common appearance. He quickly departed from them and made his way into the woods. As soon as he reached the forest’s edge he slowed Keagan to a mild walk. The trail moved along slowly, and Derek caught sight of many deer and rabbits. I need to hunt here in the future, He thought.
He came to river soon after midday and stopped Keagan. He tied Keagan’s reigns to a nearby tree and sat on a rock at the edge of the river bank. He tossed rocks into the water, sometimes making them skip three or four times. He could see the fish swimming slowly in the cool waters. Derek took the bread from his pack and threw small pieces into the water, watching as the fish raced to eat the treat. Derek ripped a portion of the bread off and stuck it in his mouth. The sun was slowly moving across the sky, and Derek knew that he would have to hurry to get to Nothyng on time.
Chapter Three
As Derek rode along the path to Nothyng, he knew he was getting close. He was even ahead of schedule. He could almost see the edge of the town. It was three hours past noonday when the town came into sight. It looked like a normal village full of commoners. But Derek smelled smoke. It was a strange sensation, considering that he was still a ways away from the town. Something wasn’t right and he could tell.
Suddenly a scream pierced through the air and Derek kicked his horse forward into a gallop. As he reached the town he saw large towers of smoke rising from several directions. The village was in chaos and there were people running all around. Derek grabbed the collar of a boy a few years older than he was.
“What’s going on here?” He demanded, his voice sounding like his father’s.
“Bandits,” The boy coughed, “Bandits from the forest. They’re pillaging the town, setting fire to everything.” The boy coughed again and ran off before Derek could ask another question. Another scream escaped from a woman in the distance. Derek urged Keagan forward and ran around the corner of a shop. There were two bandits backing a young woman and a baby into a corner. The men were large and could easily hurt her and the child. Derek charged forward pushing past the rough looking men and drawing his sword.
As the battle began, Derek could tell that he was better than both of the men, but not combined. He kicked one man in the chest, knocking him to the ground as he took shot after shot at the other bandit with his sword. The woman clung to her child and ran around the battle. Derek saw her escape and smiled.
As he continued to clash his sword with the men’s, Keagan reared back. Derek nearly fell, putting him off balance. One of the men used the time to grab his shirt collar and pull him from Keagan’s back. Derek tumbled to the ground and lost grip of his sword. He scrambled on his hands and knees to retrieve it, but one of the men kicked it underneath Keagan.
“Now, boys,” Derek said, his voice shaking, “I’m going to give you the chance now to surrender. Then we can pretend that this incident never happened.” The two men sneered and continued walking forward. Derek saw his sword out of the corner of his eye. He leapt to the side and rolled underneath Keagan, grabbing his sword as he passed underneath the bulky horse.
Derek was out of breath. He held his sword high. “Last chance,” he warned the bandits. He jumped over Keagan and landed in front of the men. He wasted no time and immediately began fighting once again. He lunged at one of the men and swiped his sword across his chest. The bandit yelled out, sounding more like a growl than a cry. Derek knew that the wound wouldn’t be fatal, but it would be hard for the man to continue fighting. Derek focused on attacking the other man, frustrated that he was bigger than his companion.
“Back down, child.” The bandit growled. Derek didn’t respond. He just smiled and took a swipe at the bandit. But he was too quick and ducked just in time. Derek was surprised and in the moment of his confusion, the bandit took a swipe at him. The sword caught Derek’s forearm and the prince cried out. Luckily the bandit hadn’t hit Derek’s fighting arm, and Derek took a swipe at the man. It caught him across the cheek, reaching down to his jaw and up past his eyebrow. It narrowly missed the man’s eye.
He let his hand fly to his face and Derek used that moment to slip the tip of his sword underneath the hilt of the bandit’s. He flicked up and the sword flew into the air. The sword clattered to the ground twenty feet from the man. Derek ran to retrieve it. By the time he had turned back to the bandits with both swords, they were gone. Drops of blood stained the cobblestone road. Derek put his sword back in the sheath and tossed the other one into the gutter. It was clear that the group of bandit’s had retreated during Derek’s battle. Derek sighed and looked at his arm. The cut was long, but shallow. It was bleeding terribly, though. He tore a length of his undershirt off and wrapped it tightly around the wound.
“Excuse me, boy.” A soft voice said. Derek turned to see the young woman that the bandits had been attacking. He walked towards her.
“Are you alright, ma’am?” He asked her. She was several inches taller than he was, so Derek had to look up to talk to her.
“Yes, I am. Thanks to you. Might I ask who you are?” She said. She was still holding her child tightly.
“Derek Andre Nixon, prince of Pryholt.” He said with a showy bow. He looked up and saw the shock on her face. She curtsied as best she could while holding a child.
“I owe you my life, Prince Derek. Is there anything I can possibly do for you?” She asked still bowing.
“You don’t need to bow to me. And yes. Could you point me in the direction of Lucy Cornwell’s home?” He asked her. The lady rose and smiled.
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Hi rachellecarter! I like this story quite a bit, even though I haven't read any other parts of it. It is easy to catch on and a very enjoyable read. Good work!
"His back and neck were stiffer than boards of wood."
I'm all for metaphor, but this one seems a bit odd for some reason. It just sounds strange, and I think it could be replaced with something better.
“Look! Crown Prince Derek has come to the village!”
Do people really call him crown Prince all the time? It seems to me as though they would just call him Prince, unless he's haughty. However, would they be cheering at all if he was? I would just get rid of the crown part.
In the paragraph directly below chapter three, the first few sentences seem unnecessary to me, if you are going to speak of his arrival anyway.
"Now, boys,” Derek said, his voice shaking, “I’m going to give you the chance now to surrender. Then we can pretend that this incident never happened.” The two men sneered and continued walking forward. "
Now, I see what you tried to do here, but I warn you, it's very cliche. Since this is for younger kids, you could probably get away with it, but with older readers you could have a problem.
Kelp writing, and happy review day!
-ClippedWings
Well for a 6 to 10 year old story it seems long and really interesting. Either way still like it more so than the first chapter. Love that you make the prince out as a respectable person. Throughout history nobility have always been and still are nothing but spoiled selfish morons. Kings queens princes and princesses and all forms of nobles below them. Nobility has always been the gutter trash of society. Hasn't changed since man first walked the earth and never will because nobility led governments are more arrogant and corrupt than any other.
But again good story looking forward to the next chapters.
Thanks! I wanted Derek to be respectable for that reason. I'm sure that there were Nobles that weren't terrible, but you never hear about them and so that is why I made Derek the way I did.
Yeah that's actually my favorite aspect of your story. It doesn't follow the 99% concept which has been around since man first walked the earth. Like the former queen of the dutch in Holland (or as anyone who doesn't know better would say Netherlands Europe). She allowed voting on laws and such through a democratic process like how we elect a president. But regardless of how people voted she did what she wanted, her son who has been the first male leader in 300 years is no different. The queen of England her royal majesty is a noble ass, she is no different allows votes then does as she pleases, one reason why England had as many ghettos as the United States, that and their loads of taxes. She is just an old selfish hag. But like the dutch the British have managed to get by living perfectly fine despite their shitty leader.
That's just two examples of modern day nobles who are like that.
Yeah that's actually my favorite aspect of your story. It doesn't follow the 99% concept which has been around since man first walked the earth. Like the former queen of the dutch in Holland (or as anyone who doesn't know better would say Netherlands Europe). She allowed voting on laws and such through a democratic process like how we elect a president. But regardless of how people voted she did what she wanted, her son who has been the first male leader in 300 years is no different. The queen of England her royal majesty is a noble ass, she is no different allows votes then does as she pleases, one reason why England had as many ghettos as the United States, that and their loads of taxes. She is just an old selfish hag. But like the dutch the British have managed to get by living perfectly fine despite their shitty leader.
That's just two examples of modern day nobles who are like that.