E - Everyone

Prince Derek and the Road to Nothyng Chapters 1-5

I have made a few changes and though I have already posted a few of these chapters already, I think it would be less confusing if I added all of the chapters up to this point. (Again this is short, but the final goal for this story is 8000-9000 and right now it is 4000) If you have already read any of my other posts of this story, skip to chapter 4.

Chapter One

It was late May and the sun was still shining bright, even though it was late. As Derek walked to the dining room, he looked at the paintings on the walls. His castle had become dull and boring through all the years that he had lived there.

When he entered the private dining room, both of his parents were already seated. Derek’s father, Roland Nixon, and his mother, Arabella, were both seated at the table. His father said nothing as Derek sat down. He only motioned for the food to be brought in from the kitchen. As usual, their private dinner consisted of a platter of meat, some green vegetables, and a goblet of fruit juice. As Derek ate, his mother rested her silverware on the table and turned to him.

“Derek, darling, how was your day?” She asked in her soft, quiet voice. She sat up straight as a board. Always proper, Derek thought. He turned to her and smiled.

“It was fine, mother.” He said. He glanced down at his plate of food and his mother looked at him as if she knew he wasn’t being fully honest. “Well, it was lonely, but that isn’t really a big deal…” He looked his mother in the eye and flashed a smile. She nodded and began to eat once again. He had been trying to get them to buy him a dog for a while now. But his father didn’t think he could take care of it.

Later in the meal she turned to Derek. “I have an idea.” She said to him, “You have a cousin who lives in a small town called Nothyng. It’s only 8 miles from here. Her name is Sierra. We could have her come and visit for the summer.”It wasn’t a dog, but the idea was compelling. He had met Sierra once before when he was six. She had only been two at the time. He wondered if she still had the blonde curls that had framed her face when she was a baby.

“I wouldn’t mind the company.” Derek said. “Maybe I could go and pick her up tomorrow.” Derek’s suggestion didn’t go unnoticed by his father, who rarely spoke to him. Roland stood up and walked over to his son.

“I don’t think that is such a wise idea, my boy.” Roland’s voice naturally boomed in the large room. It was a gentle command, but it was fa r from quiet. He placed his hand on Derek’s shoulder.

“It wouldn’t be a big deal, father. Mother could write me a note and I could give it to her sister.” Derek suggested, gesturing to his mother. Arabella nodded. She stood up quickly.

“Then it is decided. Tomorrow morning Derek will go visit my sister, Lucy.” She walked from the room, only pausing to place a kiss on Roland’s cheek. Roland sighed loudly as she left. Derek shrugged as his gaze met his father’s. A smile formed once he left the dining room. He ran to his mother’s study, where she was sealing the letter with wax.

“Do you think you will be able to get to Sierra’s by sundown tomorrow?” Arabella asked. Derek leaned on his mother’s desk.

“It won’t be a problem.” He said as he grabbed the letter from his mother’s hand. As he made his way down the corridor he stopped a servant headed towards the kitchen. “Would you make sure that extra deer jerky is placed in my pack for tomorrow?” He asked her politely. She nodded and scurried away worried she would be punished for talking to the prince.

Derek walked to the security of his room. The reports were still sitting on his desk, practically begging to be finished. He sat down at the desk to finish them, but soon fell asleep, his head resting on the reports.

Chapter Two

Derek stood up from his desk at dawn. His back and neck were stiffer than boards of wood. He stretched slowly and moved to his wardrobe. He pulled out a set of brown riding clothes and leather boots. He slipped the letter into his shirt and covered it with a vest. When he was dressed he went to his parent’s suite and knocked quietly on the door. His father opened it and stared down at him.

“Well, son, it seems that you are ready to leave.” His father said. No emotion showed in his voice. Derek smiled proudly at his father.

“Yes, Father.” He said. Arabella walked to the doorway, graceful as usual. She placed her hands on Derek’s cheeks and smiled sadly.

“You grew up too fast.” She said, “Be careful on your journey. Don’t forget the letter.” Arabella placed a kiss on Derek’s forehead and retreated back into her suite. Derek turned on his heel and walked down to the kitchen. The servants hurried to finish what they were doing and some of them left. An elderly woman grabbed a sack from off the counter and gently placed in in Derek’s hand. He opened it and inspected its contents. There were apples, lots of deer jerky, and a canteen of water inside. HE grabbed a loaf of bread and ripped it in half. The young woman who had made it scowled as she grabbed one half of it. Derek wrapped the other half and placed it in the pack.

“Thank you.” He said to the servants, and he walked out to the stables. Keagan, the prince’s black stallion, was standing in his stall. He looked at the horse and opened the stall. The horse immediately walked out of the small box and out into the courtyard. Derek flung a saddle onto his back and slipped the bridle on. With his horse ready, Derek turned to a guard standing by the stables.

“Fetch me my sword, if you would.” He said to the man. The guard nodded and walked towards the fencing shed where Derek kept his sword. When he returned, Derek pulled the sword from its sheath and twirled it around. He was quite good with a sword at that point and had won many duels with the guards. The hilt of the sword was gold with emeralds placed in a small pattern. Derek always took time to admire the fine craftsmanship of the sword.

“Tell my parents that I have begun my journey.” Derek commanded. He mounted the horse and clicked his tongue as he snapped the reigns, making the horse move forward. Keagan’s strong body moved rapidly through the castle grounds and into the village surrounding the castle. Millersville was a large village where many men came to sell the wheat from the mills, hence the name Millersville.

As Derek travelled through the square of the village, many people yelled out. “Look! Crown Prince Derek has come to the village!” one man cried. Many people cheered and Derek waved to them as he moved through. He could feel his cheeks and ears redden because of his common appearance. He quickly departed from them and made his way into the woods. As soon as he reached the forest’s edge he slowed Keagan to a mild walk. The trail moved along slowly, and Derek caught sight of many deer and rabbits. I need to hunt here in the future, He thought.

He came to river soon after midday and stopped Keagan. He tied Keagan’s reigns to a nearby tree and sat on a rock at the edge of the river bank. He tossed rocks into the water, sometimes making them skip three or four times. He could see the fish swimming slowly in the cool waters. Derek took the bread from his pack and threw small pieces into the water, watching as the fish raced to eat the treat. Derek ripped a portion of the bread off and stuck it in his mouth. The sun was slowly moving across the sky, and Derek knew that he would have to hurry to get to Nothyng on time.

Chapter Three

As Derek rode along the path to Nothyng, he knew he was getting close. He was even ahead of schedule. He could almost see the edge of the town. It was three hours past noonday when the town came into sight. It looked like a normal village full of commoners. But Derek smelled smoke. It was a strange sensation, considering that he was still a ways away from the town. Something wasn’t right and he could tell.

Suddenly a scream pierced through the air and Derek kicked his horse forward into a gallop. As he reached the town he saw large towers of smoke rising from several directions. The village was in chaos and there were people running all around. Derek grabbed the collar of a boy a few years older than he was.

“What’s going on here?” He demanded, his voice sounding like his father’s.

“Bandits,” The boy coughed, “Bandits from the forest. They’re pillaging the town, setting fire to everything.” The boy coughed again and ran off before Derek could ask another question. Another scream escaped from a woman in the distance. Derek urged Keagan forward and ran around the corner of a shop. There were two bandits backing a young woman and a baby into a corner. The men were large and could easily hurt her and the child. Derek charged forward pushing past the rough looking men and drawing his sword.

As the battle began, Derek could tell that he was better than both of the men, but not combined. He kicked one man in the chest, knocking him to the ground as he took shot after shot at the other bandit with his sword. The woman clung to her child and ran around the battle. Derek saw her escape and smiled.

As he continued to clash his sword with the men’s, Keagan reared back. Derek nearly fell, putting him off balance. One of the men used the time to grab his shirt collar and pull him from Keagan’s back. Derek tumbled to the ground and lost grip of his sword. He scrambled on his hands and knees to retrieve it, but one of the men kicked it underneath Keagan.

“Now, boys,” Derek said, his voice shaking, “I’m going to give you the chance now to surrender. Then we can pretend that this incident never happened.” The two men sneered and continued walking forward. Derek saw his sword out of the corner of his eye. He leapt to the side and rolled underneath Keagan, grabbing his sword as he passed underneath the bulky horse.

Derek was out of breath. He held his sword high. “Last chance,” he warned the bandits. He jumped over Keagan and landed in front of the men. He wasted no time and immediately began fighting once again. He lunged at one of the men and swiped his sword across his chest. The bandit yelled out, sounding more like a growl than a cry. Derek knew that the wound wouldn’t be fatal, but it would be hard for the man to continue fighting. Derek focused on attacking the other man, frustrated that he was bigger than his companion.

“Back down, child.” The bandit growled. Derek didn’t respond. He just smiled and took a swipe at the bandit. But he was too quick and ducked just in time. Derek was surprised and in the moment of his confusion, the bandit took a swipe at him. The sword caught Derek’s forearm and the prince cried out. Luckily the bandit hadn’t hit Derek’s fighting arm, and Derek took a swipe at the man. It caught him across the cheek, reaching down to his jaw and up past his eyebrow. It narrowly missed the man’s eye.

He let his hand fly to his face and Derek used that moment to slip the tip of his sword underneath the hilt of the bandit’s. He flicked up and the sword flew into the air. The sword clattered to the ground twenty feet from the man. Derek ran to retrieve it. By the time he had turned back to the bandits with both swords, they were gone. Drops of blood stained the cobblestone road. Derek put his sword back in the sheath and tossed the other one into the gutter. It was clear that the group of bandit’s had retreated during Derek’s battle. Derek sighed and looked at his arm. The cut was long, but shallow. It was bleeding terribly, though. He tore a length of his undershirt off and wrapped it tightly around the wound.

“Excuse me, boy.My name is Blythe… You… umm…” A soft voice said. Derek turned to see the young woman that the bandits had been attacking. He walked towards her.

“Are you alright, ma’am?” He asked her, without letting her finish her sentence. . She was several inches taller than he was, so Derek had to look up to talk to her.

“Yes, I am. Thanks to you. Might I ask who you are?” She said. She was still holding her child tightly.

“Derek Andre Nixon, prince of Pryholt.” He said with a showy bow. He looked up and saw the shock on her face. She curtsied as best she could while holding a child.

“I owe you my life, Prince Derek. Is there anything I can possibly do for you?” She asked still bowing.

“You don’t need to bow to me. And yes. Could you point me in the direction of Lucy Cornwell’s home?” He asked her. The lady rose and smiled.

Chapter Four

Derek stared at the small cottage that Blythe had led him to. Derek stared at it for a long time, knowing that his castle had rooms bigger than the entire cottage. He suddenly felt ashamed for what he took for granted. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. He heard Keagan snort from behind him as if the horse was telling him to go in. Derek walked forward. He felt for the letter in his shirt and pulled it out. He knocked on the door. No one answered at first. He knocked louder than before. It took several minutes, but finally the door creaked open.

“Who are you?” a small boy asked. He couldn’t have been older than five. Derek crouched down so he was eye level with the little boy.

“My name is Derek. I’m your cousin. Do you think I can talk to your mama?” Derek asked gently. The boy slipped back inside, neglecting to close the door. Derek stood in the doorway, not knowing if he should enter or not.

“Mamaaaa!” The boy yelled through the house, “A boy wants to talk to you!” The small boy ran through the cottage into a backroom. Derek supposed that it was the bedroom. Minutes later, a woman hobbled into the front room. She looked terribly ill.

“How can I help you?” She asked between ragged breaths. Derek hesitated before He held out the letter to her.

“My mother, Arabella, wanted to me to give you this.” Derek said. The woman took the letter and smiled kindly. She didn’t open it.

“You must be Derek, then. It has been such a long time. Such a long time…” She muttered bitterly. “My how you’ve grown.” She lifted the letter and opened it slowly. She stared at the letter, her eyes tracing the words on the page. She looked up and glared at Derek.

“My… um… mother said that… um…” Derek searched for the words, but the woman’s accusing stare caused his mouth to go dry and he couldn’t think.

“Get out of my how Prince Derek. How outrageous. Arabella thinks that she can ignore her only sister for years and then get away with a proposal like this.” Lucy rambled angrily. “Tell the Queen that if she wanted to have my daughter visit, she should have been a better sister!” She pushed Derek out the door as she spoke and then slammed the door in his face. Derek turned around, puzzled and upset. Had he done something wrong? No. Lucy made it quite clear that she was mad at Arabella, not him.

“What am I going to tell mother?” Derek asked the emptiness around him. He spun around in a circle and sighed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure. He turned to face the person and was surprised to see a young girl with golden curls that hung loosely down her back. She held a wooden bucket in her hand. Derek assumed it was water from a nearby well.

“Hello.” Derek said. The girl said nothing, but she walked past him and put the bucket next to the closed door. She walked back to Derek standing only a few inches from him. Derek swallowed as he met her intense gaze.

“You must be Prince Derek.” She said without replying to his greeting. She then turned and started walking back to the house.

“How did you know that?” Derek asked her. She spun around, flipping her curls over her shoulders. She smiled and sat on a nearby log. Her green dress blended with the nature surrounding the cottage. Derek stood still and waited for her to answer.

“News travels quickly in this village. Prince Derek battled two bandits. He saved Blythe Smith and her baby. Then he wanted to know where Lucy Cornwell lived.” She said, never breaking eye contact with Derek.

“Well, at least it was accurate.” Derek said. The girl stared at him for what seemed like a long time.

“What would Prince Derek want with my mother?” She asked coldly, her friendly appearance transforming into an angry one. Derek swallowed nervously. You’re the prince, He thought, act like it.

“You must be Sierra then.” Derek said, becoming confident.

“Of course I am.” She said, “Now answer my question.” Derek stared at her coldly. He admired her bluntness, but hated that she was being so rude to someone she had barely met.

“She’s my aunt.” He said.

“What?” Sierra said, taken completely aback.

“Lucy has a sister. Her name is Arabella, the Queen.”

Chapter Five

Derek stood staring at Sierra as she ranted about how she had been wronged for not knowing she was related to royalty.

“Wait.” Sierra paused from her current rant, “Why would you come here?” She turned abruptly to stare at Derek. He ran his hand through his hair again and sighed.

“Actually…” Derek admitted, “I came to get you.” Sierra stared at him as if he was crazy.

“What?” She said. Her brow furrowed into a look of confusion and disbelief. Derek felt himself blush and cleared his throat.

“My mother and I thought you would enjoy a trip to the castle. Lucy was a bit opposed to the idea.” Derek said slowly. Sierra stared at him for a moment, processing what he had just told her. Then she shrieked. Derek jumped back in surprise.

“Really?” She cried in delight, “I can’t believe it! I get to go to the castle. But what would mother say?”

“She made her point quite clear.” Derek chuckled. He ran his hand through his hair again. He turned around and mounted Keagan. “If you can convince your mother, come and find me. I’m going to go find out about the bandits.” He clicked and Keagan walked forward. Sierra ran after him.

“No wait! Derek! Don’t leave! I won’t be able to convince her by myself.” Sierra called. Derek turned back around. She ran to the side of his horse and lifted her hands so she looked like she was begging. “Please.” Her blue eyes were wide and sincere. Derek sighed.

“Talk to your mother. I will be back soon. I am going to ask about the bandits and maybe I will grab a gift for your mother.” Derek clicked again and urged Keagan into a run. He reached the town in minutes and tied Keagan to a nearby post. He walked to the nearby street market.

“Excuse me, boy,” an ugly woman with grey hair said, “You are in the way.” She sneered at him and walked towards the booth next to Derek. He stared after her as she walked away. Why are people so angry all the time? Derek thought. He walked to a booth that was selling a variety of fruits.

“I would like five pears and seven apples. “ Derek said to the man selling them. He looked at Derek in disgust.

“Get outta here, boy. If you can’t pay, you can’t have the fruit.” He growled.

“But I can pay!” Derek insisted. He pulled out a handful of coins from a bag tied at his waist.

“Stolen coins from a Noble, no doubt.” The man barked. He grabbed Derek’s arm and pulled him into the middle of the street. “Guards, we have a thief here!” Derek struggled to pull away from him. As his arm was freed from the man’s painful grasp he stood up straight.

“I command you to stop!” Derek ordered. The men around him laughed. “By order of Prince Derek Andre Nixon, I command you kneel before me.” Derek pulled out his sword. “If you beg my forgiveness I will let you walk home unscathed.” The guards walked closer to Derek and held their own swords ready. Derek looked at each one. There were five guards. One of them Derek recognized immediately.

“John Press.” Derek addressed him, “Don’t you remember who I am?” The man stared at Derek. John Press had been stationed at the castle until six months earlier. He had been posted near the stables and had often battled Derek with a sword.

“You look like Prince Derek, but he would never leave the castle grounds.” John said. He walked closer to Derek and held his sword high. “The prince would never wear such common clothes, either.” Derek sighed and ran his hands through his short hair, again.

“Alright,” Derek said, an idea forming, “Have your other men stand down. We will have a duel. If I am to understand, no one has ever beaten you except for the prince.” It was true. Prince Derek had ruined John’s record of no defeats. John nodded and his men stood back. Derek lifted his sword and the duel began. It was harder than the last time Derek and John had dueled. It was obvious that he had been practicing, probably on some bandits. He lunged at Derek and caught his already injured arm. Derek cried out and noticed fresh blood pouring from the wound. Derek’s eyes narrowed and he fought harder than he had in his other previous duels. But John wasn’t weakening. If anything he kept pushing harder. Sweat poured down Derek’s face. As they battled, Derek spoke.

“You were stationed at the castle six months ago. You had gathered all of the other guards one night and had duel after duel. I showed up and challenged you. You were purposely making it easy on me, and I could tell. After about three minutes, I dropped my sword on the ground and yelled at you for taking it easy on me.” Derek said. John’s eyes widened for a moment, but they then narrowed.

“How did you know that?” John demanded. They fought harder and Derek pushed with all his might against John’s sword.

“I told you! I am Prince Derek!” Derek yelled at him. Suddenly a horse came bounding into the square. Lucy jumped off of the horse and ran to the fight.

“Stop! STOP!” She yelled, “He’s telling the truth!”

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Rosendorn
Review

Hello.

Haven't read previous drafts.

So the first thing I notice is you spell "Nothing" stylistically. While this is a style choice you're well within your rights to make, I do find it a little cliche. Fantasy gets a very bad reputation for random spellings meant to make the world appear "exotic" and "magical" when, in reality, it just makes people roll their eyes. If you can find a better way to express the magic and fantasy nature of the story in a different way, other than spelling it "nothyng", I would strongly advise it.

Your opening paragraphs could use some polish, primarily because they are extremely dull and bordering on information overload. Think about it: in two paragraphs, you have introduced three characters with no time to differentiate between any of them (or any defining features that would allow me to identify them later), established your viewpoint character to potentially be an annoying brat (when I hear "prince" and "bored" in the same context, I usually assume he is spoiled, a low achiever, and somehow has no responsibilities even though princes had quite a lot to do), and shown we'll have yet another child-with-strained-relationship-with-their-parents.

Meanwhile, you've given us no scrap of conflict or reason to keep reading.

Beginnings need hooks, which means they need something happening. This can be either an action or a strong character voice. Right now, you have neither. You have a normal, every day dinner, with no real strong commentary from your protagonist. "Strong commentary" can come from sarcasm, a particularly insightful offhand remark, or just something emotional other than "boring".

Then you have dialogue punctuation errors in your third paragraph, without any distinct voice again. I can't tell if Derek's thought of "always proper" is wishful or judgemental, nor can I tell if his smile is forced or genuine. There's no true emotion in the paragraph, no indication of their relationship at all, and the story falls extremely flat.

Overall, this is very dry, dull, and generally uninteresting. I'd suggest to start off with something new and different, instead of routine. Contrary to popular belief, fantasy does not always have to start with "normal life". Even if it does begin with normal life, that normal life is usually new and different enough that readers want a tiny taste of what normal is. However, what you have right now isn't all that unusual or emotional. There's no strong description to indicate why the castle is dull and boring, what he thinks of it in depth, what his relationship with his parents is... it's all simply laid out as basic action without a scrap of tension. This means I don't keep reading, because I have no reason to. Pump up the emotion and action to make this interesting. Once you've done that, you'll be well on your way to something amazing.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

User avatar
myjaspercat
Review

Hello rachellecarter,
Myjaspercat here for your review

Before I begin I would like to mention one thing: recommended don't post more then one chapter at a time. The reason behind this is simple. It makes it easier for your reader/reviewer to read and review. If there is more then one chapter posted at a time, then it makes it hard because it is so long. It also gives your review more time and patience to go into depth with there review; and as the writer it gives you a chance to go more into depth with your writing. I would also like to note that I personally didn't see any 'nit picks' but plainly overall work that could be done so I am really going to only touch up on those points. Anyways now that that is out in the open, onwards...


1.) HOOKING YOUR READER:
"It was late May and the sun was still shining bright, even though it was late."
---This is the beginning of your entire story, right, well then why not make it intriguing. This is boring and doesn't really catch my eye. You need to hook your reader right? Well...

One of the key elements to getting published is to have an effective opening to your text. This is because editors and agents receive too many submissions to read all the way through. Instead, what they often do is ask for a query and the first X amount of pages. Many agents and editors, however, are able to determine if a piece is right for them within the first few lines or so.

You don't have much time to make a good first impression. That's why everything down to your first sentence has to be as perfect as you can make it.

Note: Just like any "writing rule" this is not necessarily a hard and fast rule. You can find books that have very slow openings and are best-sellers. However, it's generally in your advantage to try and create a good hook.

(the action hook)
One of the most common pieces of advice about a good scene is to arrive late and leave early. Meaning, you start when the action does, and end just before all the characters are milling about organizing rides home and wondering how they'll split the bill. This advice is meant to keep the pacing up in scenes, and it works just as well when applied to your story as a whole.

The action hook is often taken quite literally. It's a common trope in movies, especially, where we open to a car chase or a gun fight or what have you. But literature doesn't have car chases because that's a visual thrill, and is quite boring to read about.

That's one of the common misconceptions of the action hook, or the "start with the action" advice. Action doesn't mean action movie; action means progress. The action hook is about starting with conflict right from the first paragraph. It doesn't have to be the main conflict of the story, and it doesn't even have to be big conflict, but it's something.

Note: while not every opening has to have conflict, conflict is arguably the most important driving force behind plot. When I talk about hook, I mean the first line or paragraph. So your opening line doesn't have to have conflict to be effective, but we should get some sense of conflict by the time we turn the page.

(The tone hook)
Maybe your story isn't the kind of one where conflict happens right from the very first line. If the Action Hook is the jumper who hits the ground running, then the Tone Hook is the one who looks up to see what the weather is like first. The tone hook is good hooks for letting readers know what they're getting themselves into by reading on. The tone hook is an excellent way to let a reader know they're in a comedy, or a tragedy.

(the intrigue hook)
this is self-explanatory. We turn pages because we want one of the following questions answered: Who, what, where, how, or why?

Like the Action Hook, you don't necessarily have to give us the main intrigue right in the first sentence. But we should be asking ourselves something. The Intrigue Hook is the jumper who sees an explosion in the distance on his way down, and sets out to find the source of said explosion and figure out what caused it as soon as he steps foot on ground again.

Secondly don't use the word 'late' twice in one sentence. It makes your writing look clunky and more difficult to read.

2.) SHOW DON'T TELL:
"Show, don't tell" is the golden rule for a reason--because it is almost always connected to every problem you will find within your own writing, or that someone else finds.

Now, like with all rules, the "Show, don't tell" rule has some flexibility. It has to because if you were to show every single little thing in your work it would be so convoluted. Many of us have read those older works from the 1700's, 1800's, and early 1900's, where things are described in ridiculous detail to the point where you just don't care anymore. The opposite of this is also true. You don't want to simply tell us everything about something either. Have you ever read one of those paragraphs where the author describes the entire history of a chair that has no importance to the story?

So when it comes down to it, what exactly gives this rule flexibility? Often times it's length. In novels it is acceptable to have occasions of telling. In fact some of the best authors do tell all the time in novels. You might not notice it because it doesn't hurt the flow of the story. They've learned how to bend the rule and get away with it. Almost any sentence with "was" or "had" in it is telling, but it's okay to actually use those. You have to be selective in what you tell. If something is very important to a character--perhaps an action that defines the character--you should be showing it to the reader. But if it isn't really important, maybe a bit of character history that otherwise cannot be done with showing, then some telling is okay.

What about short stories? This is where the rule really gets tricky. Can you tell? Yes, but very little or none at all. Short stories do not have the luxury of length and character development as novels. Telling should be kept to a very minimum in short stories, but you can still have a little bit of telling. Again, just be selective.

______

Other then that I want to say that your story does seem to have great potential. Just work on analyzing your characters some more and give us more into depth. I hope I helped and if you need more then message me and I will help.
Good luck and continue writing---Myjaspercat

User avatar
kevin25a
Comment

Good job again. I had apparently missed four without realizing it but read both newer ones now. Still loving the story. Looking forward to chapter 6.



Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
— Mark Twain