Petalled Metal
His brown eyes stained scarlet. Sakura petals floated through the dynamics of air, settling on branches, the ground, the grey handrails and his upturned face, The tiny pink petals that touched his eyes quickly matured into a rich crimson that he blinked away.
"Why now..." he muttered before pulling out a slightly stiff piece of black cloth and placing it over his eyes.
"You shouldn't be pushing yourself."
"I'm not overdoing it, I'll be fine."
"You're bleeding again, you can't see where you're going and this mountain is riddled with chasms and pits and stuff."
"Millie, it's already stopped. Let's go."
They continued on together, up the roughly hewn stone steps that led to the summit. Ruby petals littered the ground behind.
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This is a drabble thing. I'll add more little short things (probably) about this guy. It won't tell a story particularly, I don't think but this will just be random snippets of Max's life.
Feel free to tear to pieces.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,028 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey bubbles!
This story (if it can be called that) seems more of a snapshot than anything. If you want to make it a story, if you want to make it more compelling, try to add something more context in it. It's rather pretty, yes, but if I want to continue to read something, I generally want more substance. So, in your subsequent writings, try to make it more substantial and add more conflict.
This shouldn't be so hard.. after all, there is so much potential conflict already! Why is he going on this journey, even though blind? It's interesting! So remember to do something else with it.
Hello, Loveless here!
Plot:
Honestly, I have no idea what this is about. Why were his eyes bleeding? And by the way the woman said "again" it makes me suppose it has happened before. Clarify more on what's happening. Why are they going to a summit? Ugh, I'm just so confused with this. Explain more, please.
Grammar:
You had good grammar; I like the part where you were describing the petal falls. I think it was lovely.
Overall:
I apologize for the length of my review, but this was a good story. It would be better if I knew what the hell was going on, but it was still an enjoyable read. I feel as if I walked into the middle of a novel, opposed to the beginning. If this was a book I was buying I would mistake it for a sequal and search for book number one.
Conclusion:
Work on your clarification. Well, that's all! Bye-bye.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Muffins 'n' Machine Guns x)