Not Going To
Huge cumulus clouds were suspended in the sky by trailing invisible wires that stretched to the heavens above. Blue darkness was sweeping away the already receding reddish gold light of the sun beyond the horizon, revealing bright burning sparks in the inky blackness that framed the white unsmiling moon.
“It’s gonna rain tonight, I just know it.”
“Don’t be so happy. It's not going to. Optimism gets you nowhere.”
“Don’t be so morose. I love the rain, you love the rain, and it’s gonna rain. Isn’t that good?”
Max shifted over from his spot on the floor staring gloomily at a worn patch of carpet and replied, “The weather report said that it would clear up by tonight. The wind’s gonna blow it all away, to Grenwich.”
Tugging open the window, Millie put her head out and heaved in a breath of fresh air that smelled of cleanness. “C’mere Max.” She wiggled her fingers behind herself, turning her face slightly to make eye contact with him.
Sighing, Max got up to his knees and pushed his steel grey hair away from his eyes and trudged over to Millie. “What is it?” His head soon followed Millie’s. His eyes widened slightly as his nostrils flared with the scent of moisture.
Wide puffy clouds had covered the sky entirely, a thick blanket of black wool and humidity. People who were hurrying on the street had pulled out their assorted umbrellas and raincoats as fat droplets of water fell with solid slaps.
“Let’s go out?”
The slight wonderment on his face was replaced with a touch of joy as he said, “Yeah. Let’s.”
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Someone pointed out to me that the earlier chapter of this story I put out makes no sense. That's because it shouldn't (although thanks Loveless). It doesn't even make sense to me, but as I might have mentioned, this is just a series of drabbles. Reading through the whole thing when it's finished might make more sense.
Feel free to tear to pieces.
Qtbubble
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125,028 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Heyo there! What I write in read is grammar mistakes in blue is just add you fancy. I'll place an overall comment in the bottom. Okay I'll fix up the mistakes but place words were I changed okay (hard to understand? I know, just read on and you'll see. Okay here goes;
Huge cumulus clouds were suspended in the sky by trailing invisible wires that stretched to the heavens above. Blue darkness was sweeping away the already receding reddish gold light of the sun beyond the horizon, revealing bright burning sparks in the inky blackness that framed the white unsmiling moon.
#0080FF ">Nice explanation! Not just nice excellent!
“It’s gonna rain tonight, I just know it.”
#0080FF ">Who says this?
“Don’t be so happy,#FF0000 ">Add comma instead of full stop it's not going to. Optimism gets you nowhere.” #0000FF ">I don't think the last bit is really needed, it just ruffles it up.
“Don’t be so morose. I love the rain, you love the rain, and it’s gonna rain. Isn’t that good?” #0000FF ">I don't know who is speaking.
Max#0000FF ">Here we go, I know one person now.shifted over from his spot on the floor.#FF0000 ">Add full stop He stared #FF0000 ">Change word to make sense with changes. gloomily at a worn patch of carpet and replied, “The weather report said that it would clear up by tonight. The wind’s gonna blow it all away, to Grenwich.”
Tugging open the window, Millie put her head out and heaved in a breath of fresh air that smelled of cleanness “Come here #0000FF ">What's that? Oh come here! Maybe you should say that instead Max.” She wiggled her fingers behind herself, turning her face slightly to make eye contact with him.
Sighing, Max got up to his knees and pushed his steel grey hair away from his eyes and trudged over to Millie. “What is it?” His head soon followed Millie’s. His eyes widened slightly as his nostrils flared with the scent of moisture.
Wide puffy clouds had covered the sky entirely, a thick blanket of black wool and humidity. People who were hurrying on the street had pulled out their assorted umbrellas and raincoats as fat droplets of water fell with solid slaps.
“Let’s go out?”
The slight wonderment on his face was replaced with a touch of joy as he said, “Yeah. Let’s.”
Overall:
Really Good!