Little Lines For Santa

You missed capitalizing an "I". Other than that I loved it. Great poem. The rhyme was great, not unnatural like it can sometimes be. Not too rhymey, just right. I liked that. The plot was great, I overall loved it. The vividness was fantastic and I loved the bit about hoping to get to go to Hell just to torment them. It shows the sheer weight of how much you loath them. Begging to go through something awful for eternity (I'm athiest so I don't believe in Hell anyways but whatevs) just to do the same to another is super cool. Oh great now I sound Satanist. Anyways, I like the point you make. Good stuff.

Well this is sure intresting. Kinda creepy and insane, but in a brilliant way. So onto the review.

What I liked:
1. The imagery. While gruesome and graphic your images displayed so much emotion.

2. The rhyme scheme. This scheme in particular worked really well. Usually I would be so critical about changing it in the piece but the way you wrote this the change in scheme worked well, especially in creating a concrete ending to this piece.

What I didn't like:

1. The capitalization. Like Dark said, you need to remember to capitalize things like "I" in this case you end up loosing some of the power you seem to have by making your "I" not as important.

2. I was confused as to who you were talking to at first. You first talk to santa, but as if you were saying make my wish come true for hurting someone but the way you end it your "you" seems like its santa you wish was dead. Its a little unclear as to who your "you" is in this piece.

Overall:
Dark and full of emotion. Great work and not a whole lot that you need to fix. Great job and keep writing!

Hello qmj,so here is Dark(Son of Santa) to give review on your poem.

First of all,this is the weirdo poem I ever seen in YWS.But I have no doubt that you actually have a very strong diction here,thus managed to bring an effect to the reader.

#At times I look at you once and wish that i was able,
To drive a knife through your throat,
And watch your blood splatter and splish,
Upon the walls,upon my face,
And sing with you amazing grace,
And pray i'd get to go to hell to torment your soul,
As your body draws cold,
In one mark of respect,
I rip off you neck...-->I like your descriptions here.But anyway,you should be careful to capitalize yourself!I mean 'I' instead of 'i'.That was a simple thing you need to learn here,my dear .
Overall,I enjoyed your wild imagination here!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
p/s;Don't kill Santa.But I dare you to find the real Santa who have a dears that can fly.How I wish Santa could reply this poem!Just kidding

That was wild but i want to know. Do you want to kill Santa? If so you should Knw somehting about him...

What a min,. You was the one that killed him! lol.

#Santa is died.