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140,808 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
Hi there
I'm here to review your poem 
Something to make it raelly stand out 
I like that it is very structured, and the poem has a nice flow 
It's a great poem, I just think it could use a little spice
You rhymed nicely, and you write beautiful
It has a lot of emotion to it, you really got a certain feeling across. Great job!
There is a lot of repeating in the poem, your starting every stanzas every line with the same word. I kinda like that:)
Great job, well done. Just keep writing
Thank you!
i REALLY LIKE THIS. the RHYMING WORKS IN ALMOST EVERY PLACE EXCEPT FOR AT THE BEGINNING. IN THIS STANZA.
sorry i didn't relaise I had caps lock on but I dont have time to go back and retype it.
anyway back to that stanza. The rhyme suddenly stops but despite this I think it still works.
Unfortunately I'm going to be blunt with you. It is cliche. A bit. I think you can take the whole poem, add some imagery, metaphors, say the same things isnt a different way and it wont be as cliche anymore. The idea is g\fine its just the execution and your chosen words are cliche to the genre.
Hallo, lovely.
So, I'm going to start off by saying that this took me a moment to understand because of the reversed syntax in stanza two, and the grammar inconsistencies in stanza three. Not necessarily bad - it got me to reread the poem, which probably let me know a bit more about it.
However, I'd like to say that you seem pretty intent on using punctuation - it's just not the right punctuation at this point. In stanza one, your comma after "regret" should be a semicolon; this separates two independent clauses without the need for a conjunction. Secondly, I'm not sure what the punctuation mark should be after "feel", because I'm not quite sure what "Tears in this bitter sweet" is supposed to mean. Perhaps "bitter-sweetness" would be better? (also, "bittersweet" is usually read and written as one word.)
Again, in the second stanza, you need a semicolon after "mercy". Your last line makes more sense grammatically and in terms of the idea you're trying to get across, but I'm not quite sure what that idea is, per se. If you're trying to say bittersweet is its own entity, then you'd need a semicolon after "me", too.
In the third stanza... This is where I get confused majorly. I go back and read and reread, but it still makes little sense to me - are you trying to construe bittersweet as a separate entity? I think your idea was lost in translation to paper; it happens to me sometimes, too, where I'll sit down and write a poem and all of a sudden it makes no sense.
I definitely encourage you to find some more effective words and descriptions! Your repetition in this poem was slightly killed by the fourth line, which deviates from the rest, and your punctuation could use a bit of work.
Overall, a very nice idea - just needs a bit of diction work, in my opinion. Feel free to take this very lightly!
Hi qmj,
)
I like this poem and I can see the emotion you put into it. I can see you chose words carefully and I liked how you brought action into emotions, like making pain cling and hurt hold. It was a good idea.
I think the title to this poem is wonderful. "Bitter sweet" sounds, well sweet in it's own and made me want to read this poem. I was a little bit disappointed of the use bitter sweet in the actual poem though. I didn't think it related much to the poem, all the last lines, because they weren't necessary. To the poem and the dark feel of it, it didn't imply anything. Except maybe in the last stanza, because you've said how you wanted but neglected pain at the same time. And we can see how these emotions can be bitter sweet, and killing but softly. (Nice use of oxymorons though
I liked the repetition, but now I'm wondering why? In the first stanza you say you are not regretting or going to forget what you feel. But now I want to know what brought this pain, and this hurt? And this love? Who? What?
The middle stanza was good. And I did like the last one as well, and I think that should remain your final stanza. But throughout the whole poem I wanted to know how you got from the emotions you were feeling in the beginning and then to the end? What happened that caused such a great transition?
On it's own this poem is already sweet and nice, with a comfortable flow and rhythm, ignoring the fact that some of the last lines don't relate. If you want to you could add more in here though. More explanation, emotion and poetic language that can really make this poem shine! I wish you well with editing, and look forward to seeing more of your works ^^
Deanie x
hi deanie thanks for the review.this poem was actually the emotions i feel throughout the day or so.the first stanza was relatinf to my general emotion "tears in this bitter sweet "mean well tears in what i am going through.the rest of the poem deals with different stages in my life this is why it may not link with the first stanza.so yes adding bitter sweet in the poem was a bit off but tp me it flowed.so yes thats my take on the poem.
Well, I can definitely see, and I am not the only one, that this is beautiful and well-written with that dark depressing sense.
This doesn't need much improvement, however, it could be a little more repetitive and a bit more rhythm.
I don't understand what "tears in this bitter sweet" means that much. If you don't regret pain, you don't cry in a way. Then if love isn't something you feel, it doesn't make sense how it's so "bad". Although, it might just be me that doesn't understand.
There's commas and periods all over the place. I don't really think you need them, really. I mean, a lot of poems I read aren't like that, and they just press the "ENTER" space. Some messed up humor I just made there... if it even is humorous.
This is a bit different to the first stanza. "Pain is not something I regret" is what you put in it. Then you put, "Pain cling to me dear" as if you don't want to shake it off. I guess that it isn't much of a thought, but then there's "love". You wrote, "Love bring my heart to tears" when you first put, "Love is not something I feel". I can understand if this is merely just stages of life, but I don't get that very much.
Oops. I meant to put this before the third stanza, but excuse me!
I think this was pretty good, except that in the first stanza you had said, "Pain is not something I regret", and then now you put, "Pain I beg for mercy". It just confuses me.
So I just think that you need to boost up a bit more explanation and maybe drop a few commas and periods maybe? Then add a bit more rhythm and make it more repetitive to help this flow better. This is a great poem that expresses beauty in darkness.
Now this. Is is beautiful. It has so many flares of darkness. I absolutely love it. It's simple pleasure to my mind. I think I'm going to paste this somewhere so I will never be without it. That is how much I love this. This has no flaws whatsoever. You have done well. Keep it up.
~Dark
thank you!
A delight to my mind,the paradox nature of tis' work the preety intriguing.But what what i love most is the ironic idea represented in the poem(or so i think);"as life pass by"