I'm not good in writing poetry in english, but I tried, here I go:
What is it that makes us care?
Maybe its that special person whom we have to share,
Remembering things like our first hug or first kiss,
Knowing on this day your love is too important to miss,
Nothing is better than receiving a chocolate delight,
Although it is not much,
it is the thought that is right,
And to some it is acknowledging their loves start,
Hoping that forever this day will stand out in their heart ,
To our lover we should entrust our hearts greatest display
Never hesitate to tell them:
I love you in every possible way
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Canary word: Present
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Short and sweet, it tends to have a "thrown together" feel to it, but i enjoyed it personally. No reason to criticize this piece, on my part.
y first comment is too short. But I did like everything else, theme, plot, emotions and other stuff. I think this poem was great beginning but only a great beginning. Also I think that you should stop defending your self that you are not good in English because I think you poems are perfectly fine.
It was pretty short, but that is okay. I see you have passion for this poem. That is why you wrote it, correct? Well, I'll tell you this much- I've always wondered ' why we care'. It's so normal for us to care, but why? Why do we care? How did it be come natural to care so much? I ask those questions and have been since I learned about the Bible. Well, my honest opinion is that I loved the poem. Unlike some other poems, it has a reason that it was written. And this simple question of yours, Dear, made the reasoning of this poem you wrote increase to very specialness. Keep your head held high, Dear, and you will succeed.
Lets do this!
OK, you only put punctuation in the first line. It makes it look a little odd. At least toss in some comma's at the ends!
Try separating "Although it is not much, it is the thought that is right" Into;
"Although it is not much,
it is the thought that is right".
That can become two lines easily! (add some: punctuation, punctuation, punctuation!
Separate that last line into two lines again;
"Never hesitate to tell them:
I love you in every possible way."
There are only little things to fix. Nothing huge. Mostly dealing with line separation. I liked this poem; it was fun to read
hmm... the poem was nothing special, but nothing especially bad either.
as you can see here, the second line is much longer, thus interrupting the flow of the rhythm.It does strike me however that some lines are considerably shorter than the others. For example:
here the "hearts" should have an apostrophe, so it should be "heart's".
Other than that, it was an ok poem, and I can tell you I've read some that are much, much, worse.