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Poetry, my foe. I figure I can get some practice with this poem here.

So, the narrative is interesting. There is no attempt to intellectualize what is happening, which is surprising for poetry standards. The child knows something should be done, but the person she would ordinarily trust has made seeking help frightening too. That is considerably more upsetting than merely telling that the household is violent, and I enjoy the understatement. It is hard to approach abuse, particularly in art, but this did so quite appropriately.

There is also an interesting ambiguity with the stepfather running into the room with his eye covered in blood. Who injured whom? Is the mother attacking them? Is he coming to the child for help? Has the violence become mutual? The poem begins with "I’m scared for mommy," so I initially expect the mother to be the person physically endangered, and then the visible injury belongs to the stepfather. That could be deliberate, and if so, I would lean into it. A child living around domestic violence may not understand who started something, who is dangerous in a particular moment, or why the adults behave the way they do.

The rhyme scheme is probably where I would be most careful. Bold/told, ears/tears/fear, okay/say, thud/blood, do/new, yell/tell, away/stay... There is something potentially very effective about using a childlike rhyme against such ugly subject matter, but right now I cannot quite tell whether that contrast is intentional or simply the structure you chose. If intentional, make more of it. The innocence works well with the content.

I would also avoid adding much more explanation. This subject could very easily become melodramatic if every feeling is spelled out.

V.

Hi there, I'm here to review your poem today.

This is a very sad poem, and I hope (if this is true and about your life) that you are somewhere safe now. I like how the poem has an AABBCC etc, rhyming structure, that gives it a steady rhythm, showing how this sort of violence happens all the time in the household; it is not out of the ordinary, so you give the poem an ordinary feel. This is really effective. I also like that it is all in one stanza, as this shows it all happens quickly and fast. I think you could perhaps fold in some more emotional lines, something a little more abstract than simply telling what is happening. That would make it feel even more impactful!

Some things I spotted whilst reading:

Im 6 years old.
Im hiding in my room, and I have to be bold

My stepdad runs in, his eye is covered in blood

Mommy told me that ill be taken away