The Golden Cradle

Beautiful ending! Like the story you have! I like this type of era. I especially liked how you ended it, "I had finally found my happiness. I had found my Silvaria." I also like the names you chose, that is always one of the hardest parts to decide. I like the strong, determined female heroine, and the story line is unique! Great work!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was an interesting little story...and it was pretty engaging throughout. I really loved the ending especially and that little twist in the middle. But let's get into more detail than that.

Anyway let's get right to it,

My plan was finally coming together.

I tiptoed around the castle till I saw the window decorated with gold, it shined above all the dull windows in the palace. I tied the strong rope to myself and threw it to the window below the golden one. I started climbing up, pushing my fast feet as well as my hands which were straining across the rope to reach the top. I was halfway there, but then the ground which I had taken off was filled with the voices of the guards. Oh no! I had distracted them earlier, did that not work?

One of the guards wore a big moustache but was comparatively smaller than me, easy. But the other guard beside him was huge in height and looked like that bodybuilder I’d seen in wrestling competitions. I didn’t want to fight them, it would waste my time and I was comparatively weaker. I froze in the middle of the air when I noticed them, my hands hurting to hold on much longer. In the middle, I was, with nowhere to escape to. The thought of wasting more time, hanging, was obnoxious. I climbed up, with caution and quietness I had never kept in the whole twenty-five years of my life. I was up three-fourth of my destination now, but then I saw it.

Alas! His eyes were piercing through my brain, his face going red that he was going to burst out in any time now. I waited for him to tell his companion.

“Byron! See, up the wall, what is that!” He pushed his shoulder to inform him of something that was going to bring me danger.

My two limbs climbed up like a cheetah on a rope, running for his life. It was the first time, I was the prey and not the other way around. I didn’t even know what was going down there, all I heard were footsteps rushing somewhere to my right, where the staircases were located.

Without even knowing, I was in the room with golden plated windows. I swept my sweat off my forehead and rested my hands on my knees, breathing heavily. Man, that was fast. But just as I was breathing, the loud cries punctured into my brain as I saw the golden cradle. I looked on the ground, my eyes wide open, hearing it. The sound reminded me of a horrible memory.

She was here. In my hands, I was cradling her and singing her favourite lullaby. Her doe black eyes smiling at me as I smiled at her, my little one. She rested her eyes, her mouth still open, she had fallen asleep. I was glad she was safe.

But as those once said, good things don’t last forever. The thundering knock on my door shocked me to the core. I knew who it was, Vidor’s soldiers.

No, you don’t have to get emotional here, I reminded myself. I rubbed my eyes to wipe off the tears settled in them. I took a deep breath and then my eyes fell to the painting of the king, who sat like he was the greatest of all, but I knew who he was, a tyrant hidden by the tag of a king. I looked at the baby cradle across the room, it was still moving, telling that somebody had just swung it. I moved towards the cradle slowly, I was hesitant, not scared. Then my eyes caught the image of her. Silvaria.

She was sleeping calmly, with her thumb in her mouth. She looked so...sweet. Her long eyelashes were closed and she was dressed in royal clothes, not surprising as the king raised her as her own. Even though I hate the king, I will always be grateful to him for raising her. I hesitantly bought my hand near her. After such a long time, she was in my hands, I admired her face while cradling her. But that calmness was disturbed.

The door to Silvaria’s room opened. The servant’s eyes widened as she saw me standing in the room. I was about to take the run, but she stopped me.

“Miss...you are her mother, right?” She asked, there was no anger, or calling the security feeling in her eyes. Rather, she looked pitiful.

I nodded. She looked down to Silvaria sadly.

“I won’t stop you. Go”

“Why?” I asked, she was a server of the king, why would she do this?

“I have been under his rule for years, trust me. It is not good. Don’t ask questions, okay? Now, go.” As she said those words, I was more curious. But with security on the chase and her persistently telling me to go, I had no choice.

I looked down at Silvaria and placed a kiss on her forehead. With caution, I rapelled down to the ground with the help of the rope and then quickly, but quietly, headed to the big walls. I climbed up and then jumped down.

Silvaria was still sleeping, what a sleepyhead. I looked up to the castle, reminiscing the dark memories of when I dreamed of achieving my daughter and now she was in my hands. I realized. After all those depressing times, after all those struggles, I had finally found my happiness.

I had found my Silvaria.

Hi, LUNARGIRL here with a review!
Let's get straight to it.

I tiptoed around the castle till I saw the window decorated with gold, it shined above all the dull windows in the palace. I tied the strong rope to myself and threw it to the window below the golden one. I started climbing up, pushing my fast feet as well as my hands which were straining across the rope to reach the top. I was halfway there, but then the ground which I had taken off was filled with the voices of the guards. Oh no! I had distracted them earlier, did that not work?

One of the guards wore a big moustache but was comparatively smaller than me, easy. But the other guard beside him was huge in height and looked like that bodybuilder I’d seen in wrestling competitions. I didn’t want to fight them, it would waste my time and I was comparatively weaker. I froze in the middle of the air when I noticed them, my hands hurting to hold on much longer. In the middle, I was, with nowhere to escape to. The thought of wasting more time, hanging, was obnoxious. I climbed up, with caution and quietness I had never kept in the whole twenty-five years of my life. I was up three-fourth of my destination now, but then I saw it.

Alas! His eyes were piercing through my brain, his face going red that he was going to burst out in any time now. I waited for him to tell his companion.

“Byron! See, up the wall, what is that!” He pushed his shoulder to inform him of something that was going to bring me danger.

My two limbs climbed up like a cheetah on a rope, running for his life. It was the first time, I was the prey and not the other way around. I didn’t even know what was going down there, all I heard were footsteps rushing somewhere to my right, where the staircases were located.

Without even knowing, I was in the room with golden plated windows. I swept my sweat off my forehead and rested my hands on my knees, breathing heavily. Man, that was fast. But just as I was breathing, the loud cries punctured into my brain as I saw the golden cradle. I looked on the ground, my eyes wide open, hearing it. The sound reminded me of a horrible memory.

Hey! Plume here, with a review!

Awww, this was such a sweet story! I love the twist on the sort of damsel in distress vibes you had here. Rather than a prince rescuing the teenage girl, it was her mother rescuing her infant. I really enjoyed it, and I think you should be really proud.

One thing I really enjoyed about this piece was your storytelling. Your pacing was really stellar, and you kept me hooked all the way through! It didn't feel like it dragged at all, and it felt like it ended just where it was meant to. Nice job!

I mentioned this before, but I adore the sort of twisted fairytale you've given us. I think I would read a whole novel about a mother trying to rescue her daughter rather than a prince trying to rescue her. It's very refreshing to read about, and as someone who loves writing about mother/daughter dynamics and relationships, it plays right into my interests. I don't think this is a story I'll forget anytime soon.

Specifics

One thing I noticed was that you've got a few comma splices, which happens when you combine two independent clauses with only a comma. Some examples include:

I tiptoed around the castle till I saw the window decorated with gold, it shined above all the dull windows in the palace.

I looked at the baby cradle across the room, it was still moving, telling that somebody had just swung it.

I was up three-fourth of my destination now, but then I saw it.