Truth

by pinkangel54123
  • August 9, 2010
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical
  • Poems
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I haven't submitted any poetry lately, but I figured I would submit this. I wrote it as something for an oral presentation. Tell me what you think about it.
__________

Platters of platinum
carry spoon-fed lies.
The truth
like dust swept beneath a rug.

To see beyond
those enticing falsehoods,
open your eyes
and gaze upon reality.

Seek,
and you will find.
Knock,
and the door of clarity
will be opened to you.

For the truth is so much greater
than anything you can imagine.

And lies only blind us
to the beauty of God's creation.

Comments & reviews · 8
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User avatar
ForsakenAngel
Review
ForsakenAngel wrote a review · Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:47 am

pinkangel54123 wrote:
Platters of platinum
carry spoon-fed lies.
The truth
like dust swept beneath a rug.

To see beyond
those enticing falsehoods,
open your eyes
and gaze upon reality.

Seek,
and you will find.
Knock,
and the door of clarity
will be opened to you.

For the truth is so much greater
than anything you can imagine.

And lies only blind us
to the beauty of God's creation.


Wow. I. Love. This. Poem!

OK! So, the first line caught me, as many poems do and should, and I couldn't stop reading it! Loved it! I read it twice, which, not many poems are good enough that I would. Did I mention I loved it!?
You know if you need me to review anything else, shoot me a PM!

~xX~Forsainshadow~Xx~

User avatar
vox nihili
Review
vox nihili wrote a review · Wed Aug 11, 2010 4:07 am

pinkangel54123 wrote:I haven't submitted any poetry lately, but I figured I would submit this. I wrote it as something for an oral presentation. Tell me what you think about it.
__________

Platters of platinum
carry spoon-fed lies.
The truth
like dust swept beneath a rug.

To see beyond
those enticing falsehoods,
open your eyes
and gaze upon reality.

#0000BF ">nice wording

Seek,
and you will find.

#0000BF ">a little proverb-likel

Knock,
and the door of clarity
will be opened to you.

For the truth is so much greater
than anything you can imagine.

And lies only blind us
to the beauty of God's creation.

#0000BF ">love this line


I like this very much, but I think it's a little short. You could expand it, a little, and make it really great.
I like all the metaphores, and your language is solid, good, and vivid.

I'd like more, though. What lies, and how do they entice? What makes the truth great? Describe the beauty of creation.

I think this would be a truly great poem if you went all the way with it, and described a little more.

The style right now reminds me of a proverb. It's great, but it could be really vivid.

Keep writing!

-Vox

User avatar
ArcticMonkey
Review
ArcticMonkey wrote a review · Tue Aug 10, 2010 8:30 pm

Heya pinkangel!

Here to review as requested!

This poem made me feel like too many people are hiding things, and that they should just come out. I could also feel some emotions coming out quite clearly through reading this piece. I agree with the others in saying that you had a lovely metaphor at the beginning!

I couldn't really find the poem flowing naturally when reading it. There wasn't a definite structure to the poem, so you could improve on that. Although you used metaphor's I couldn't see any other poetry techniques such as alliteration and onomatopoeia. I also thought that you could vary your punctuation a little. These are just suggestions, you don't have to take them.

Well done, and keep writing!

~Tamara
:) xo

Random avatar
annapapadimitriou123
Review
annapapadimitriou123 wrote a review · Tue Aug 10, 2010 2:32 am

This poem was BEAUTIFUL!! Absolutely amazing. I really enjoyed reading it and I absolutely agree, it just blinds us to what God has created for us.

kogarasumaro143 wrote:The truth
like dust swept beneath a rug.
Very nicely put! Amazing metaphor, you have incredible talent.

kogarasumaro143 wrote:Seek,
and you will find.
Knock,
and the door of clarity
will be opened to you.
I got shivers reading this part. :)

kogarasumaro143 wrote:And lies only blind us
to the beauty of God's creation.
Best way to end it.

Congtratulations, i wish you all the best!

User avatar
britishwannabe
Comment
britishwannabe commented · Tue Aug 10, 2010 12:53 am

i really like your metiphors in lines 2 and 3

User avatar
kogarasumaro143
Review
kogarasumaro143 wrote a review · Tue Aug 10, 2010 12:32 am

pinkangel54123 wrote:I haven't submitted any poetry lately, but I figured I would submit this. I wrote it as something for an oral presentation. Tell me what you think about it.
__________

Platters of platinum
carry spoon-fed lies.
The truth
like dust swept beneath a rug.

To see beyond
those enticing falsehoods,
open your eyes
and gaze upon reality.

Seek,
and you will find.
Knock,
and the door of clarity
will be opened to you.

For the truth is so much greater
than anything you can imagine.

And lies only blind us
to the beauty of God's creation.


Here here! I agree on how you define what TRUTH is. YAh, lies just blind us to see the greatness of what GOD has created for us, Continue to write...

If you want me to have a review in every works of yours, just message me or leave a message in my wall... you can also subscribe in my page so that you can contact me as easy as possible..http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/page.php?id=107

User avatar
GagaBowie
Review
GagaBowie wrote a review · Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:15 pm

Hello :)
I thought this poem was extremely well planned and thought out.
It was extremely descriptive and i really enjoyed reading it.
Hope this helps - if you need me to review anything else, let me know.



I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings