As I lay my head on my silky pillow
I let you take me away so we can watch the night glow
Over dilapidated roofs
Through midnight blue skies
Up through the clouds
Their silkiness obscuring my eyes
He holds my hand
Pull me over the land
He gazes into my eyes
As I caress the craterous face of the moon
He whispers in my ear
His tender words like a signature tune
We ride together
On the backs of stars in both foul and fair weather
We glide through the universe
Peruse the heavenly bodies
Leave our mark of love
On their divine antiquities
We glide steadily towards home
But we both still want to roam
He kisses my forehead
He does not want to leave but has fulfilled his duty
I bid him farewell
And all he left behind was his sleeping beauty
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hi, I really like this poem I think you have a great vocabulary and poetic flair, especially for your age, a few things I would point out though:
and later said in the same stanza, also I don’t really see clouds as silky, more fluffy really!You said my
In the second stanza, the second line looks as though it is there only so you could have something that rhymes, however I do like the structure of the poem, the rhyming pattern is good, and the stanzas are a good length.
I love the lines and they’re artistic and really suit the mood of this poem.
This was a pleasure to read, so thank you!
Roon
Sorry this review took so long, I forgot all about my will review for food thread!
Anyway, I really loved this poem. I can't really review for grammar, but I didn't see anything I would fix. It's beautiful. Also great vocabulary. Haha. Really great job.
Sorry, I'm sort of lame at reviewing poetry, but I can't find anything to make better on this. So bravo.
I don't know that I can review. I don't know that I understand all the words, simply because I am not very smart. I like things dumbed down to my level haha. I mean whatever your style is keep it that way. I do like this I just would like to understand it more.