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Young Writers Society



Moonlight

by pinkangel54123


Moonlight streams
Through closed windows onto deserted, waxy kitchen tables
Through open doors onto children listening to fables
Moonlight falls
On top of calm waters guiding creatures through its swells
On top of an open meadow disrupting wildlife from their slumber like symphonic bells
Moonlight shimmers
In the room of a girl watching her midnight soiree
In the chamber of a boy listening to his plans for getaway
Moonlight is
Our own piece of heaven on earth
Our beautiful woman that is always judging our worth
Moonlight
Brings us out of the infinite abyss
Brings light to the darkness

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189 Reviews

Points: 1040
Reviews: 189

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Sun Jun 07, 2009 3:08 pm
Jon wrote a review...



Hey Pink! I'm Jon, Welcome to YWS!

On top of calm waters guiding creatures through its swells

I think 'its' should be 'it's'. :wink:

I usually spot out quite a few mistakes in poems, but I didn't here! I loved how you used the moonlight at night in this poem. However, I thought this poem could be expanded a lot more.

One thing that I noticed is that you have some good imagery. I also like the words you use in here, like, "Symphonic". Being that you use nice words, use some good audio throughout this piece. Have the bells ring a melody for the night. Have some flowers blossom. Have the moon light play on the pond across the way. There is so much that happens at night, use it. As this poem stands, it's just okay.

I think you picked a nice topic to write about, pink. I aslo think that you did it well. However, add more to this, there is a lot more you can add.


Anyway, welcome to YWS! I'll keep an eye out for your poems.


Good Job.


---Jon---
:D




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Points: 890
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Sun Jun 07, 2009 3:41 am
fantasy captured wrote a review...



I'm new too. Awesome.


I really like this poem. It reminds me of like, a bluish-green calm colour. But it kinda reminds me of a sad memory too. But I still like this poem too. It's awesome! I love that you wrote about moonlight. Moonlight is simply magnificent. I love the colour of moonlight too! The paleness coming in through a window and reflecting. Awesome! Your poem is just wonderful! {claps hands}




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456 Reviews

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Fri Jun 05, 2009 11:57 pm
Rascalover wrote a review...



Welcome to YWS! I would be happy to have been the first one to review this, but it seems as though you haven't followed our one simply rule, and that's ok if you didn't know about it. Before posting a piece work you have created you have to make sure you review two other pieces of work by two other people. This ensures that every's work is reviewed and critqued :) If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to PM me. Also if you need to know where to find plenty of people who need there work reviewed yet under the lounge thread. Theres a thread called will review for food or something like that and people post work that they want to be reviwed or that people want ot review stuff. I hope this isn't confusing, please PM if it is :)

Now on to your poem I will say I loved it, and that you did a very good job on it. Once you get to reviewin' those other works I'll happy to go into more detail in your review :)

Have a great day!

-Tiffany





Remember the rain that made your corn grow.
— Haitian Proverb