Heyo! Silverberry here for a review! I actually really enjoyed your poem, it flowed well, had a lot of emotion that I could feel as I was reading it, and your use of imagery was really nice. Pining after someone after a breakup is a little cliché when it comes to writing poetry, but what is writing if not expanding on ideas? I think you wrote very well and you had your own unique additions to this theme. Nice job!
This said, there are some edits I advise you to make to make the poem more perfect. Mostly it has to do with structure, which is quite important in poetry. First of all, your had very good rhymes and they didn't seem to constrict you for you still had long sentences filled with nice descriptions, but the scheme of the rhyme was broken.
In the first stanza, you have AABBC, and I thought that it was a nice touch to not have your last line rhyme, but I would suggest doing that for every stanza, for consistaency's sake. In the next stanza, im not sure if your were trying to rhyme "world" with "cold", for that wouldn't work. Either way, I think you could add another line here and fix the scheme. I think the final stanza is perfect, for if you include the I love you line (and I like that you put this a little seperate from the rest of the stanza), the scheme is perfect.
To help you with the structure and scheme, I would suggest breaking the long sentences, so here I agree with @charlottejoness about enjambment. Then your lines wouldn't have to be as long and you could play around with structure.
I would just like to say that I love how you continues your rain and water metaphors. I also love the last stanza the most with the moon reference, it is truly very beautiful and raw emotion seems to be embedded into it. I also like the fact that your last line is a little shorter and all on it's own, for it makes it more dramatic and puts more emphasis on "I love you". Really good job!
Anyways, all in all I really loved your poem and I think it was done very well. Your imagery and descriptions were great as well as your use of rhyme. You could use some tweaking here and there, but otherwise wonderful job! Keep writing and I hope I helped!
Points: 2162
Reviews: 75
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