Army Boots

Hello there, Petty! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece.

Overall, I quite like this piece. It's very much the sort of thing I like to read. What you've done here is slightly unconvential considering how you've structured the lines, but in the end I feel that it all comes together in one cohesive piece. Great work!

I am not a fan of the first line. There's just something about the "gong of clashing wills" that doesn't set quite right with me. This is just my personal opinion. Another reader could read this and find nothing wrong with it, but it doesn't make sense to me. Please keep in mind that I'm way overtired right now and my mind isn't fully working. I might wake up tomorrow and read this and not have a problem with it. But as of now, I would suggest changing it.

The one other element of this piece that I would suggest changing is how you've punctuated it. I notice that you've used commas yet you've never ended a line or a sentence with a period. There are many differing opinions concerning poetic punctuation; some authors consider it to restrict their creative freedom while others believe it is crucial. I happen to drift somewhere between the two viewpoints. I believe that punctuation, when used correctly, is a wonderful and invaluable tool that will allow your writing to shine to its full potential.

"Furrowed waves of trembling leaves,
glossy thighs and knobby knees.
Shingled roofs and rust and glass;
orders, uniforms, and gas"

I feel that this is more polished. Again, this is personal opinion. If you disagree with my suggestions, please feel free to disregard them.

All in all, nice work! Always keep writing.

-Rosie

Nice ideas, captured my imagination well. However found it hard to read at times, I suggest you find a way to make it run a bit smoother? All in all, I like it a lot.

The gong of clashing wills prevails
The trembling voices shake the walls
The crooked table legs, the veil
The ancient photograph, the loss
(This stanza is okay, but the rhyming is off.)

Furrowed waves of trembling leaves
Glossy thighs and knobby knees
Shingled roofs and rust and glass
Orders, uniforms, and gas.
(This one rhymes very well. I like it. )

Creases line and leather shrieks
Goosebumps, hair stands on end
Dust in throat and grime on cheeks
Trembling heart that never mends
(The "Goosebumps, Hair stands on end." I had to read it a few times in my mind for it to flow right.)

Over all, I think it is a very well written poem, but in a few places it is hard to read smoothly.

Your rhyming is nicely done with the exception of a few odd spots.

Good work,

~Rainn