Young Writers Society

Hey, pendr. Sevro here on review day. I'll just jump right in.

So, wow. First off, I never knew that this syndrome existed, so thank you for shedding some light on that. Secondly, I've listened to spoken word poetry before, and, let me tell you, I can absolutely imagine this being spoken. And when I imagine that, it takes my breath away.

I hear the sound

Snap snap, pop pop

And I'm filled with anger.

An anger that grows

Until it’s stronger than I've ever known

Was possible.

So intense that I'm taken out in one blow.

But soon I’ll snap, too.

Soon I’ll pop, too.

And still no one will understand why

And still I won’t be able to explain

And still we’ll end up where we began

With me dying and them not asking what.

When a lot of young adults and teenagers write poetry, it is in order to vent. When poems are written like this, they feel like a scream or shout, whatever it is, because the poem isn't there to share, discuss, or convey - it is to release an emotion.
There will likely be some literary techniques and devices included. Repetition is usually a favourite. So are rhetorical questions, short/minor sentences. Onomatopoeia, oxymorons and paradoxes, and first person are all very common features in this sort of poetry, because it feels impressive. And whenever I read a poem like this, it's incredibly obvious that the poem is trying its hardest to impress me, rather than just be itself. And I feel like your poem suffers for it.

Unfortunately, I feel as if a lot of these lines are clunky. A lot of them begin with "Ands" and "Buts" that slow the writing down unnecessarily, and are unnattractive to look at visually. You could argue that this is an artistic choice, but just looking at the poem as a whole, reading through it just looks like a chore. I'd cut down on some of the repetition as well. A couple of uses makes your point already; you don't need to overdo it.

You also have some similes that don't entirely make sense. Your imagery with you being a burning forest, whereas everyone else is water is interesting by itself, as it makes you look like an antagonist. However, the rest of the poem just doesn't mesh with this, and you highlight the faults of the sound and the soundmakers as if they are an enemy, and the reader comes out confused over what point you are trying to make. You tack on three lines at the end, as if to calm the situation, but the inclusion of this stanza nullifies the rest of the poem. It's a little clumsy, and the audience simply doesn't know a. if you are trying to make a point, and if so, b. what point it is you are trying to make.

I do, however, enjoy the structure; it's irregular, but maintains this strange consistency so that you are familiar with how the different sections of the poem should and will play out. Even though I'd usually criticise over-use of very short lines, it somewhat gives this poem consistency, so I'd keep it. What I would change is the content. Creating these short lines with enjambment makes the short lines pointless, since they are just finishing a sentence. I'd be tempted to just let these short lines stand on their own as sentences.

There's more I could talk about, but I don't want to completely demoralise you. Overall, I think you can tell that in my opinion, this poem needs reworking in order to make it an outstanding piece; I'd give it a current rating of acceptable, which is by no means a bad place to be. It could be pushed so much further. The subject of sound is a hard one to tackle, since there are so many examples out there that have already masterfully discussed it through poetry. This is a noble, and for what it's worth, entertaining attempt.

Keep writing, keep moving on. Embrace the potential that your work could have.
Thankyou for the read
-Kieren

A very interesting poem. I don't have misophonia myself, but this poem helps me understand it a bit, I think.

Because to me sound is red like a fire
Burning in my soul
And burning the souls of people around me.
And I’ll topple like a forest
And they’ll thrive like water.
To me sound is dark and dangerous.
To me sound kills.
Kills joy, kills relationships, kills chances.

But soon I’ll snap, too.
Soon I’ll pop, too.
And still no one will understand why
And still I won’t be able to explain
And still we’ll end up where we began
With me dying and them not asking what.

I liked this! It's a short little poem that's very nice for the sould. As is with most poems, there aren't many grammatical errors. I like the freeform style, along with the occasional rhyme. I'm one for patterns, but it's still nice to me. I like it! Keep doing what you're doing.

I liked this poem. I thought that it really expressed emotion that was inside you. It really portrayed the emotion and left a vivid picture in my mind. You are very poetic, and I hope that you continue down this path. Keep writing, never let anyone stop you.

I loved this! I personally have misophonia and I think that this poem represents how it feels to perfection. This is exactly how it feels to me anyways, and your wording is perfect. Long story short I love this poem!