then i could See

The beginning of this was amazing. There are a few things that need changing though. fore example your *i* needs to be *I*. always start with a capital letter and seeing as you are talking about a person then you need a capital. Right moving on, with poetry the first letter of every line needs to be a capital. Grammar rules don't apply to poetry as much so you can be a bit lax on things like commas and full stops. however, you cannot be lax on things like capital letters. these are vital in all writing.

The ending: Huh? I was really confused by the end and found it difficult to interpret the meaning of this. You need to give more detail on what exactly is happening because it is a bit vague. The ending is also quite abrupt, slow down, no one minds a bit more reading.

However, this poem is amazing and I look forward to reading more writing from you.

The beginning of this was amazing. There are a few things that need changing though. fore example your *i* needs to be *I*. always start with a capital letter and seeing as you are talking about a person then you need a capital. Right moving on, with poetry the first letter of every line needs to be a capital. Grammar rules don't apply to poetry as much so you can be a bit lax on things like commas and full stops. however, you cannot be lax on things like capital letters. these are vital in all writing.

The ending: Huh? I was really confused by the end and found it difficult to interpret the meaning of this. You need to give more detail on what exactly is happening because it is a bit vague. The ending is also quite abrupt, slow down, no one minds a bit more reading.

However, this poem is amazing and I look forward to reading more writing from you.

Hey! Now I'm not a professional writer and only a beginner so I don't really have all that much advice to give but, I found the ending of the poem sort of abrupt.The beginning was quite interesting but I feel you could have given the poem a more justifying ending. Good luck for your further write-ups!

Hey; how's it going. This review will probably not be long, but I will do my best with it.

I like this poem. It's dramatic and I am sure many of us can relate to it. Now, to review it, I will be focusing on two separate aspects of it: the form, and the themes. Let's get started with the form.

It has a very interesting structure: a single word as the last line of each stanza. That definitely draws attention on these singled-out words, especially because they're short, and it emphasizes them individually as parts of each stanza. It's free-verse, but it has a touch of design to it: the stanzas form a sort of a symmetry in a pair of 3, 3, and 2 lines. All of this would make for a dramatic read out loud, which I am sure is the poem's intention.

As for the content:

"Trail a body with my thumbs like it was an Index." I didn't expect that pun. Very clever. But then: "I found fingers like staves where I could hide my Notes." They are also metaphors. This part is really beautiful and powerful.

So, the narrator is with a boy. They confide in him. The mere waving of the boy's hand resembles an elegant dance to the narrator.

Admittedly, I don't understand the reference with "Sidley's display window", which makes me think that "smile" is also a pun, though I can't understand it. Could you please explain it?

And finally, what made this poem great for me: the last stanza. The mouth "belongs to a girl". But who is the girl? Is the narrator playfully referring to themselves in third person? Or are they saying that the mouth belongs to another girl? It's ambiguous and very much like your style. So, the interpretation would depend on how the individual sees the poem. It could be a loving comment about the boy they like, or frustration from him liking someone else.

This poem delivers quite a lot of meaning. As always, a pleasure reading your work, whether it is poetry or prose. And as always, I look forward to reading more of your stuff ^^

As for feedback, I don't think there is much you could improve, especially since every word has its purpose and the way that the words are organized serves a purpose as well. By the way, I absolutely love it how you experiment with new ways of delivering poetry. That is probably partly why your works are never dull or monotonous.

If you are the poet reading this, thank you for writing, and hopefully this review was helpful. If you're just a reader, don't even hesitate and go check out more of passenger's works. You won't regret it. Have a great day!

this is the first poem of yours i've read and lemme just say GUUURRRRLLL YOU TALENTED.