Young Writers Society

Okay.

I am proving myself a liar for you, but I want to round off everything properly because you need to understand why this took time.

Stanza three is your weakest in flow, content, execution--all aspects that I analyze critically for proper edits. This wasn't an immediate decision because the smoothness and fluidity and heartfelt content of stanzas one and particularly two set up a momentum that masked it initially.

But the entire piece is a letter on the person deserving love in whatever form it takes, and that's a beautiful thing. It's a universal thing. For that reason, if this is published, those who need to feel the sentiments here will take things away that you couldn't put on a page. That's why I loved it so much, Pass. I hope you can understand that. Inferential Potential is the greatest thing a poem could ever showcase.

If you choose to edit, spend some time with stanza three. It wants your love.

All the best,
Ty

Great job. Love the imagery. Not going to write a review though, cause I suck at poetry.

This gets a like. Keep writing.

Hey, I'm here to review.

The intention behind this poem requires two thumbs up for me. That being said, I'm going to rip this regardless of it.

I would suggest cutting 'the way' in first stanza, thus 'festers' becomes 'festering' instead. This would make the lines tighter without losing their meaning. The one in bracket (?) doesn't seem to emphasize the line before. It serves as explanation as to why the previous line is necessary, which is not necessary. If you get what I mean. xD I like the sentiment of departures being short, though I think the 'the' can be cut.

The idea behind the second stanza is clearer than the previous one. To me, it seems to say the You think people in general are lonely creatures and some of them prefer to hide the fact. While this is not necessarily true, it describes more You's personality. At some extends, I agree with her because there are times no one is with us and during those times, we are alone.

Third stanza talks about how words that are clumsily prepared don't deserve You's silver tongue. Does this mean You is the tye of person who thinks carefully what to say, so that the words that come are truly important and should be believed? If so, this relates to the second part, which shows how thoughts are painful to You in times of separation, and the simile does a good job to make the idea imaginable. The isolation of 'please' is particularly effective because it shows how the narrator wants You to focus on that.

The last lacks imagery, and that disturbs me because the other lines are consistent with their imagery. I suggest to add one, and perhaps the final two lines can be portrayed by imagery. There is a good message here; the narrator shows her love and care to You clearly. However, I've not much to say about it.

And that is all! If you want to let the letter known to the public, I would suggest using third person pronoun to refer to Rachel instead of second person, so that readers know you want to show them what a person Rachel is. Using You makes it personal and private, and its significance will increase greatly if its existence is known by you and her only. Keep up the good job!

Thank you so much for this <3 I don't want to be the kind of friend who tells you that "people 'just don't realize how amazing you are'" and leave it at that. I want to show you how amazing you are because, truly, no one has listened to me, loved me, comforted me like you have and definitely no one has written a poem like this for me. I hope in the future I can get more chances to show you the same love. Thank you, Savannah.

P.S.
Can you send me this in a PM in text form so I can print it and put it on my wall. I don't know if you know this about me but I put messages of encouragement from commentators on my work and just overall nice things on my closet door. Then, above my bed is a poster of Min Yoongi and then many, many, many, many Polaroid photographs. I'm a very sentimental person.

P.P.S
I actually have something you've told me before printed and put on my closet door. You're just so lovely, I keep having to framing your words. <3

Love,
Rachel