very awed, immensely flawed.

Must say that every time I read the title of your poem it made me more curious abt what it would contain 😊 I really like how the title sounds!

I know poetry has its own rules and all but it does irk me a bit that “a faithful sharp” is not grammatically correct ^^°

as humans we ache for parallel lines

Considering what the knife is used for to create parallel lines I find this vers haunting! Very good!

blood always brims before it spills, as if teasing

Same goes for this line! Oh that is so good !

Oh my, symbolism. They usually go straight over my head @.@ But let me try. Maybe the fact that the blood doesn’t come out right away is also a meaning to say that the body does not want to bleed? That no matter the brief relief, it is still damage dealt to the body?

Also the way you write about fluids disappearing… that means that at some point maybe it will be too much? That blood loss is imminent?

Also spilling from your mouth… I mean yes, there are bodily fluids that exit that way but maybe it could also mean that you did try talking about it, but either the words didn’t have any effect or that the words said didn’t have the right meaning, weren’t about the right thing…

And then about everything being washed away, maybe a metaphor on how we try to sweep problems under the rug instead of confronting them?

maybe too much was gone before none could enter from within.

I have absolutely no clue what this means but it sounds so profound and the rhythm is just right!


Join the fight! Write more reviews!

Hi there! I thought I’d drop by to leave my first 'review' on this poem

First off, wow, this is a really intense poem. I think the lack of capitalization works really well with that. It makes the poem feel like the narrator is thinking these lines to themself rather than saying them out loud. The tone is bleak, but in a very controlled way, which I think is effective.

I really like the opening idea:

a faithful sharp, a quiet one

This is such an interesting phrase! "sharp" being used almost like a noun is unusual, but I think it works because it immediately makes the object feel familiar and dangerous. "faithful" is also a really strong word here, because it suggests something that stays, something relied on, which adds a lot of weight before the poem even fully begins.

it has no words, no views of its own
but perhaps as humans we ache for parallel lines

I really like the thought behind these lines. The idea that humans project feelings onto silent objects is super interesting, and "parallel lines" is a lovely phrase. It could refer to connection, similarity, reflection, or even scars/marks, so it opens up a lot of possibilities.

One small thing I’d suggest is maybe tightening the second line. Something like:

but perhaps, as humans, we ache for parallel lines

Totally up to you, of course! I just think the commas might help the thought land a little more clearly.

he talked to his knife and bored it to his feelings.

This line stood out to me because the wording is a little unusual. I’m not completely sure what "bored it to his feelings" means -- maybe that he forced his feelings into it? Or projected them onto it? If the ambiguity is intentional, you can definitely keep it, but if you want the reader to follow the image more easily, you might consider rephrasing it.

Maybe something like:

he talked to his knife and bore it into his feelings.

or

he talked to his knife and poured into it his feelings.

Those are just examples, not necessarily better than yours! I just think this is one place where the phrasing could be made a little clearer.

The ending is probably my favourite section:

maybe yesterday the fluids inside me disappeared,
maybe too much spilled from my mouth, from my skin.
maybe too much was wiped, washed away, clean
maybe too much was gone before none could enter from within.

The repetition of "maybe" works so well here. It gives the ending this uncertain, spiraling feeling, like the narrator is trying to explain what happened but can’t quite reach a definite answer. I especially like "from my mouth, from my skin" because it expands the poem beyond just physical injury -- it makes me think of words, confession, exhaustion, and everything leaving the body at once.

For the very last line, I wonder if "none" is the exact word you want. "None could enter" is understandable, but maybe something like this would sound a bit smoother:

maybe too much was gone before anything could return from within.

Again, no pressure at all! I just think the ending is already strong, and a clearer final line might make it even stronger.

I hope this review is helpful! Please take care of yourself, and keep writing!

Pru