This piece is straight from the heart, like I only stopped writing about 20 minutes ago, it's basically a rant about my relationship with my dad. It's probably really bad but oh well, I wrote it pretty quickly and I feel better because of it.
A Letter to Dad
I am your daughter, you are my dad and this is something I wrote just for you, my deadbeat father.
It has been 8 years since I saw your face, 7 since I heard your voice. We went to see you every year where once it had been every month. You slowly crept up the country while we stayed put as if to shy away from your responsibilities.
You say I should have been the one to try but tell me what a 12-year-old child should have done. I was too busy with friends and a new school to notice something that had been missing for a long time. You said you wrote us poems as if they were would act as plasters but words contain lies and emotions can be faked. Words don’t mend broken hearts when behind them is nothing but dust and decay. You claimed your dogs were your babies. And maybe they were, for you handled them with more care, while you tore fragile young hearts apart with your distant and indifference.
Do you even love me? Does “daughter” mean anything to the man who is meant to care for me? But the main question on my mind is does it make my heart break to know I am unloved by you? I suppose it once did, moments of mental unrest can be traced back to you and your activity in my life. Or should I say lack of? Now, I am the ruler of my own heart but times like right now, your memory slips back into my mind to cause me pain like you once did.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,633 Literary Works • 673,570 Reviews
Hi there, very emotional piece you have here.
Best of luck in all your writing!
I would echo Lumi's observation and say this could totally swing into a poem. There is some quite lyrical language in here. I mean, as you describe it yourself, it's a rant, but it is a well written rant.
I think that if you were to expand this into a poem it would be interesting to continue on with the number of years. How the speaker felt at first as the father slipped away, in the years following, bringing to the present. It's an interesting format that you kind of started with the 8 then 7 years.
There are some really dramatic lines in here like the dogs being babies, and "words don't mend broken hearts". So sorry for whatever events inspired this piece! Hope the writing brought you some healing.
~alliyah
This review is brought to you by the Knights of the Green Room & The Afterwatch
Thank for your review! Oh, I like the idea about the numbers, I'll try to see what I can do
Yo!
Cathartic writing is often not the best showcase of our writing potential, and I'd like to think that, if formed into something in the creative realm, this could actually create a rather promising story or poem--maybe even article or essay on neglectful parents. I mean, you have sentiment and you have lyricism:
that can easily form into a poem or song. But as a cathartic piece, the point is to get it off your chest and make you feel better; and by your own confession, this did so. So you accomplish your task successfully.
I'd really encourage this in poem form since it has so much promise on premise! Even a poem about a deadbeat dad writing poems as if they'd act like casts--that's good stuff! I'd happily read and review that.
Keep writing!
Lumi
Thank you for the review! I did think it would sound cool as a poem but I have never written one before so I don't know if I could do it justice. I could always try though ^_^