Rolls the dice, snake eyes
Alcohol and sleeping pills
Natural, Lethal Combination
Man-made nature
Men made descension
A Nickel for some Fries
The first to see their smiles
Wouldn’t you like to know...
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,223 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hi null, backroads here! I don't typically review poetry but I'm here to give it my best shot!
I love this poem, it is very haunting, and (noting that you mentioned it was based off of Sylvia Plath,) I got most of your references. That being said, These two lines still confused me:
Am I correct in thinking that 'Nickel' and 'Fries' relates to her children? And if that's the case, does the second line directly relate to the first? A mother would be the first to see her children's smiles, but I really don't know if that's what you intended or if I got it totally wrong. Either way, you might want to look back and see if there's a way to clarify those lines without taking away from your style.
Other than that, I think this is a great poem! I hope this was a little helpful,
-backroadstraveler
Ohmigosh!!!!!! Totally was Nicholas and Frieda!!!!!! So glad you caught that!!!
Hi! I really like the mystery and the writing style but I think you made a typo when you said
Also I felt like some parts of the story was missing like when you said
what is the reader supposed to want to know? These parts are confusing to me and don't let me fully grasp the story.
I really did like the mentions of alcohol and sleeping pills alluding to something bad happening and the mystery that surrounds that.
I really like your style and technique and I can't wait to read more! Bye!
Thank you for your review! I challenge you to learn more about Sylvia Plath and then re-read the poem with that in mind; that may clear up some things. I appreciate the thought you put in for your review. It's nice to hear that somebody likes my style! %u263A%uFE0F
Really liked the mystery but I also thought it was nice and thorough. The poem's contrasts and the man and men lines caught my attention especially.
Thank you:) Glad to hear you liked it!!