I corner you out of love.
Not love for you,
But rather love for those whom you have cornered.
I just want you to know
How you really are hurting others.
I want to open your eyes
To the damage you left behind.
The colors behind you
Are not purple and gold;
They are in fact
The reds of fire
And the grays and blacks of darkness.
Two halting opposites
That are eerily the same.
You are a baby deer
Making noise outside of a camper's tent at midnight.
You sound terrifying,
Yet we can find out that
You cannot harm.
Still you can;
And so you do.
A great man once said
"Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."
You are Haley.
They only know the devastation
That surrounds that name.
Nobody has really seen you.
If they could see you,
Then they wouldn't cut.
If you could see yourself
From my eyes,
Then you would cut.
I simply long for
You to feel grief, repentance, or
At least emotion.
You repeat that you say nothing.
You say that they cannot take a joke
All you try to give
Is justification for your actions.
If only your parents could see you now;
I know them;
They are lovely.
If they saw how you treated others,
Then they would be the most
Disappointed parents on Earth.
Just as I am disappointed
In the love you could not take
that I tried to give to you.
I just hope it is not too late,
Because I corner you out of love,
Not just love for those whom you have cornered,
But love for you as well.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hi! Dogsrule5 here to review!
You don't need to capitalize then because you put a comma. So you don't need to capitalize the then.Nitpicks.
First off spelling, grammar, and punctuation. As far as I know I didn't see any mistakes here, but if there are I think you can manage to fix those mistakes by yourself.
If I see any as I am going through the passage, I will tell you those spelling, grammar, and or punctuation mistakes.
Number 1.
Number 2.
There are lots of things I noticed wrong with this certain stanza. 1. Remember if you put a comma, you don't have to capitalize the first word in the next line. Words like. because, not, and but. Another thing. You should put it's and not it is. Also you don't have to do this one because it is a suggestion, but after you say... "I just hope its not too late, because I corner you out of love. You should put a period after love instead of a comma. you should start the next sentence with Not. Then continue the rest.
I think there are lots more nitpicks in this, but I think you can manage to find the rest.
I hope I helped.
Love,
Dogsrule5
Thanks for your feedback! I just capitalized the beginning of each line because that's how I like to format a poem; that's all
Plus, there is a comma after love and before not because it would be a fragment otherwise. Thank you!
I understand how some people are, they use words to kill, only so that they can watch others suffer. They want to feel in charge, that they controll the world. They turn away from the word of God, an covet the laws of satin. They ignore the ten commandments, they lie, they steal, the hurt. They can try to turn themselves aroud, to ask fr forgiveness, but it's hard. The gates of hell are large and wecoming. While the gates of heaven are small, just enough to slip through.
This is a great poem and I hope everyone understands it.