One word. That was my warning. One brilliant, terrifying word launched me into my story. I never really knew who I was supposed to be. I was the little girl who sat by herself at lunch, but with one little word, I left that little girl behind. It was spoke with such conviction, such urgency. The man was unlike anyone I had ever met before. His eyes were locked with mine as he spoke. They held so many secrets; they had been through so much torment. As soon as I saw them, I wanted to see into them. See behind them.
And then he opened his mouth and changed my life. "Run."
And that is exactly what we did. We ran. We ran and ran and ran through adventures and dangers like they were child's play.
But all good things come to end. Running away from time didn't prevent my time from being up.
That mysterious Doctor. I never got to see behind his old, tortured eyes. Now, I suppose, I am just part of them. Another piece of his tragic story. Another glimmer of sadness in his eyes.
My entire life I wanted a doctor to fix me and make me like everyone else, but not even my special Doctor could do that.
I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.
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139,732 Literary Works • 672,669 Reviews
Hello. I'm Nike. Nice to meet you. Here's my review.
I liked what you have written. It speaks to me, you know? It's very nice. I love your first paragraph in which you describe everything, it's brilliant.
But when it gets to the 'and that is exactly...' part, it kind of ruins the story. My opinion. It goes too quickly. I want to see where they run, how they do it, to where do they run. Not just oh we ran, ran, and ran through life. I want to SEE that life.
Other than that little thing... I believe this short story has potential. I loved how you spoke about 'that mysterious Doctor...' it was beautifully written, that paragraph. When you say 'I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.' my heart breaks.
Your grammar is good, no mistakes.
I feel like this is a Doctor Who fanfic? Tell me if I'm wrong. I love it. Huge Doctor Who fan here.
Keep Writing!!
Nike
Wow. This is just excellent. It's nice and short, and it... Well, it feels like it could actually be in Doctor Who, which not many fanfics can accomplish. This makes me want to rewatch the whole series! Although, there is a punctuation issue that keeps it from being total fanfic nirvana. "Childsplay" should be "child's play". Other than that one issue, I loved this, and I'm definitely going to look for more work from you.
Overall: 9.9/10
Atmosphere/feel: 10/10
Truth to series: 10/10
Grammar/punctuation: 9.5/10
Thank you so much for the feedback! I appreciate it. I fixed that little slip. Oh, and I'd love for you to share with me one of your pieces sometime.
Everything has it's time and everything dies, to quote our very own Doctor Who
I must say for a short piece of writing that was wonderful and heart warming.
You've used a wonderful variety of vocabulary in this piece and you really did tug on the old heartstrings towards the end.
My particular favorite part would have to be: 'That mysterious Doctor. I never got to see behind his old, tortured eyes. Now, I suppose, I am just part of them. Another piece of his tragic story. Another glimmer of sadness in his eyes.'
That part displayed such brilliant emotion, mystery and sadness. You really did show us a piece of, not just your character, the Doctor himself.
Keep on writing.
You have a very promising writing hand.
Good luck!
Awww! Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.
This is very good. It is descriptive and entertaining. It grabs your attention and makes you read more. I love the reference to his eyes. "They held so many secrets, they had been through so much torment." This line is amazing, it held so much suspense and mystery. Loved it!
I guess the reader's got to think about this one. There are so many possibilities what the girl in the story or the man referred to as the 'Doctor' could've been. Multiple interpretations can be made of the word 'Run' too.
. I really liked this story. My favorite lines:
As for me, it reminds me of 'warnings' and not being able to act on them. It speaks about regret, and it speaks about experience with loss (for the Doctor's character).
I like incomplete stories, they set me thinking, and this one did just the same.
"Another piece of his tragic story. Another glimmer of sadness in his eyes."
Keep on writing!
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the feedback.