Ramadan, A Blessed Month

A quick, interesting poem. Without delving too deeply into the subject matter, you're able to get across your feelings and emotions during this religious time. I know little of Ramadan, though I know it is quite important; most of my school is Muslim. One of my friends, who is anaemic, was actually worried about not being able to fast so that she could take her medicine during Ramadan. Anyway, without rambling on much longer what I am trying to say is that I liked this poem, as though I am not Muslim myself I have a partial interest in the religion.

My only critique is really a question: were the first two stanzas meant to rhyme? Because though the words were similar, they didn't quite form a rhyming couplet whereas the last two stanzas did. Aside from that, this was a fine piece; great job and KEEP WRITING!

Tiger

hey n1o2u3r4! (or I should say El Salam Alikom since you're muslim )
First of all, happy Ramadan to you and all your family & friends. I'm muslim too and I really loved your poem. I love the simplicity in it. It is brief, yet it has much to say to any reader. Well, actually you have summarized what happens in a whole month in those beautiful 8 lines you have written. I'm not good when it comes reviewing poetry as I don't much about the rules and so on. But you have care about the punctuation. It is really important for it might the meaning of any sentence.
You also have one grammar mistake present in the 7th line.

n1o2u3r4 wrote:So if you are looking forward for this bliss

Very short, very sweet. My favorite line is the first, and it was an excellent way to start. Am I right in admiring the concept of spirit being much more fulfilling than material? I really appreciate how modest this poem comes off as and yet it holds such a big message. Good job.

I can't see any changes that need to be made in this poem! Although I am not a muslim, I enjoyed this poem. I love it when people express how they feel through their work and I think that that's what you've done here I can see the progression in this poem and that's really cool because it shows that you're telling a story! It's short but sweet (haha sorry to use such a cliche line). Well done xxx

I like this poem. Few lines, but you get the feeling that each word was carefully chosen, which is also evocative of the spirit of Ramadan, right? Have you thought of punctuating it a little, just to stagger the emphasis? Also, the line that contains both "miraculously" and "amazingly" seems too blunt. I'm always trying to take out my adverbs and convince other people to take out theirs, to strengthen the nouns and verbs used instead.

Robust is my body when I fast
In Allah, I everlastingly trust

I am impatiently waiting for Ramadan; ("I wait, impatient, for..."?)
Only then will I experience dawn

Besides a healthier body and peace of mind,
I miraculously emerge as amazingly kind

So if you are looking forward for ("to") this bliss,
Prayers during the blessed month never miss

At the end of the poem, who are you addressing? Whose prayers are they, yours or the addressees? I'm not saying change the ending sentiment, since I think it's appropriate for such a spiritual poem. Just think about a way to convey the same message, clearer.

I am not Muslim, nor do I have great knowledge of the Islamic culture or religion, so please do not slight me if I unintentionally offend either.

I really didn't understand the overall message of the poem. I get that Ramadan is the month of fasting and what not. But, referring to the experience of 'dawn'? I'm sorry, my friend, but I really don't get it.

I LOVED the simplistic rhyme scheme, it really helped brighten the poem, and brought it all together.

The rhythm was also simplistic. But, you know what?!?!? IT WORKED!

I really want to give you your props for this work, overall. Not everyone can weave a work that is grounded on religion, regardless of what specific religion they may be. The fact that you can do such indicates two things to me: 1)You are a talented writer. And, 2) You have a very strong faith. Kudos for both, my friend.

May God watch over you in your month of fasting, and in your life.

Keep writing.

Yours,
Pyro

I absolutely loved this. Its really great to be able to look into other cultures and see what kinds of things they do and believe in. I had never really known what Ramadan was. I've read about it in some older books but it was really only a side thing, they didn't really describe it. This piece was short, but it gave all of the information that we needed. So I thought it was good =] Well done.

@Abigail. I am waiting forward to hear your constructive criticism

It's a very simple poem with a clear message. May your Ramadan be great. Peace!

Hey there! This is a really sweet poem even though I can't exactly relate to it. Usually I'm not too crazy about the AA BB CC etc. rhyme scheme, but I think it worked out really well here. I would love to give you some constructive criticism, but I think I would be out of line doing so when it is a religious poem about a religion I don't happen to practice. I hope you have a great Ramadan!

-Abigail

This seems almost quaint. I did enjoy I must say. I used to run a sales team for solar panels in Melbourne and most of the installers were Indonesian. We all got on famously, but it was an interesting experience, seeing how they practice their faith. Especially Ramadam. This piece is very unique and thoroughly enjoyable look forward to seeing more work from you!

I thought it was an interesting poem. I used to work with Muslims so I personally know they're not all evil a**holes. I'm not sure I could fast that long though..lol.

Sadly, a lot of people don't respond much to spiritual poems/lyrics on here. At least thats' what I noticed so far.

After tomorrow we Muslims celebrate the holy month of Ramadan, out of happiness I wrote this piece .
Hope you like it though as simple as it sounds.