Children all across the USA,
Are Getting bullied for being gay.
The problem isn't just here,
It needs to disappear.
People are gay at all ages,
We can't just lock them up in cages.
It's who they are,
It's not that bizarre.
They can't change,
Even if to you they seem strange.
They can't help it it's who they must be.
You'll have to put up with it to a certain degree.
It's not a problem with their mind,
It's their personality; what makes someone defined
America the bold the brave,
Needs to learn how to behave.
Gay is a description,
It can't be cured with a prescription.
treatment and religion
Might make them change a smidgen.
But why?
Why hate and despise,
Those who are different than what we recognize ?
They say to be yourself ,
Not someone else.
So why do we try?
Straight ... That word can say goodbye.
America land of the free,
So why don't we let people be?
This fight is out of control,
Don't try to change someone's soul.
We're supposed to have freedom of speech .
Gay rights for all, it's a goal we can reach.
We have over come these problems before,
I think it's time we do it once more .
Civil rights for example,
That fight was ample.
But in the end,
We learned that blacks and whites could blend.
For it's who you are , what makes you, you.
Don't deny it . It's a fact, it's true.
The color of your skin,
You've had it since the begin.
Your complexion,
Doesn't need a correction.
Pigment, color,sexuality, race,
It's what makes you you;
Something you need to embrace.
You can't change your skin or your mind.
That's what you need to hear . Yes you. No, all of man kind
We can over come the war of skin tone,
But why do we sit here and postpone?
We can't keep holding off gay rights,
America is going to stand up and fight.
It's not their fault,
Being straight isn't the default.
But do you think they wanted to be this way?
Getting bullied everyday ,
For something they can't even change.
By this point everyone's thoughts are deranged.
The bullying level is at a high.
Victims committing suicide .. They want to die .
Why hate ?
Just try to relate.
Straight, bisexual gay,
They're all good in a different way..
What's so bad about a man loving a man?
Let them get married If it's their plan.
As long as they love,
Who are we to disapprove of ?
You should love from what's on the inside,
That lesson should be taught worldwide.
Gender it's just a word,
Yeah I've heard it before.
But it shouldn't matter when you and someone have a relation,
When people think that it causes
Me frustration.
For your mind was gods creation,
Gay... It's not some mutation .
A certificate on paper won't solve it all.
But it's a good place to start even though it's small .
No law on paper is gonna change how we act,
Only We have control of how we react.
Don't be afraid to show who you are .
I'm sure you'll be much happier by far.
Love comes from the heart not the mind,
Men don't have to love woman it's not defined.
So good luck trying to change someone's heart,
You could try but it wouldn't be very smart.
You most learn to accept others ,
For who they really are according to god were all brothers .
Related by blood ,
At the moment we Are just a bud.
But if we Conjoin together we can bloom,
Everyone wants that. Or so I assume .
Gay, straight, Black , white, the list never ends,
All of us can blend and be friends .
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
This is a brilliant poem, with such a good message behind it. Personally, I feel that you've captured a great load of context within the poem, using historical ideas too, especially with Civil Rights which is such a great argument against gay discrimination.
I love the use of rhyming throughout the poem, which really creates a perfect rhythm throughout, and I really did get into the poem once I found that rhythm. This would be a wonderful poem for public speaking, because I think it's so powerful.
My favourite stanza is:
"We can over come the war of skin tone,
But why do we sit here and postpone?
We can't keep holding off gay rights,
America is going to stand up and fight."
It's using the fact that America is supposed to bold and brave, but it won't fight for what is right, so it's really going against the whole idea. Again, you've used the Civil Rights idea, which is incredibly influential. Plus, the use of a rhetorical question within a stanza is very effective, as it makes the reader actually think about an answer, engaging them in the poem even more.
Well done! This was great!
GOOD MORNING! Here to review for the Epic Ice Cream Warriors of Pluto on this fine review day. Yes, that really is our name.
I will review as I read so that it will make a lot more sense to both me and you! I tend to get a little muddled up otherwise.
Here goes
Firstly - I'm in now way a poet! I cannot help at all with the technical side of things. In fact - I think you're very brave doing poetry in the first place as I don't have a clue how to make a single rhyme! So congratulations already!
I can, however, comment on the content and this subject is something I feel passionate about!
2. Favourite lines: It's not a problem with their mind, It's their personality; what makes someone defined
I love them. I think they're perfect for what you're trying to get across here.
3. I feel as though you've forced a rhyme with the word 'smidgen'.
4. I love the message this poem has but I feel like it's a little too long for it to sustain it's impact. Maybe cut it down so it can be more memorable?
Good luck! I look forward to reading some more of your work soon
Olive <3
Hello there, modernzombie!
I know you've been here for a while, but welcome anyway, I do hope you like it here
Now, I'm not from the USA, but at the moment there are huge discussions (or more like battles) going on in my country about the topic, and it lightens up my mood a bit to see people (especially young people) reacting to it the way you do in this poem.
I suppose by this, you meant that it's not just present in the USA, but also the other parts of the world. However, when I first read it, I took it more like "it's not just about acknowledging that a problem exists, it's about doing something about it".. I still think it can be read both ways, and it's true both ways. It was what drew me in to keep reading this poem.
Rhyming in this seems a bit forced to me. The words do rhyme, yes, but it appears to me as if you wanted the lines to rhyme more than to actually get the message across. Seeing your choice of topic for this poem, as well as the poem in whole, I'm fairly sure you did want to get your message across, so I suggest you to reconsider rhyming for the purpose of rhyming; it will present the entire poem in a different light, and stress what's important better.
Out of curiosity, what is "certain degree" by your definition?
Also, I wouldn't bet I'd call sexual orientation a part of personality..those aren't quite same things. I won't nag about that here, though, I don't really have problem with it as far as this poem is concerned c:
I like this part. Rather direct, with a touch of sarcasm in there, nice.
Why do we try.. to act straight? Up until now, there was no we anywhere, and the gay population was referred to as they or people. This is confusing, though the beginning of it, a critique on the almighty "Be Yourself" phrase, makes for a very good point. In my opinion, it could even stand on its own - that might draw more attention to it. But then again, I'm not a poet myself, and I'm not very familiar with various forms of poetry, so I suppose there was some reason why you wrote it all the way you did.
The we again, but in a different context. Maybe "so why won't it let its people be"? As in, America as the land of the free, as a big nation which prides on freedom and equality and whatnot..
Again a very direct piece of a poem, calling for action and something to be done about this issue, and again done by casually criticising the society. I like this part as well.
I'd say rhythm here is a bit off. Up until now, you haven't had many inconsistencies when it comes to the length of the lines, and I got used to reading this poem in a rhythm which just doesn't hold in this part. Perhaps:
But we learned in the end,
That blacks and whites could blend.
..or something like that?
I'd change something to that or a similar word of equal length. Rhythm, again, though it doesn't poke me in the eye as much as the last one I suggested a change for.
You can change your mind. Isn't that what you're trying to do even with this poem, to point at the problem and make people in general change their minds/stop doing nothing? :p
I suppose you meant it in a different way, but it came out sort of contradictory with the poem itself and its point.
I feel the forced rhymes here again. It's a good point, but unjustified rhymes just scream way louder than the actual message.
Whoa, now you changed your rhyming pattern here completely, moving from A/A-B/B-C/C to some sort of A-A-B-C-D-E-D-D-D.. it's strange. I like it better this way, honestly, it seems much less forced and hence sends a clearer and stronger message to the reader.
In this part, I do like the AA-BB rhyme (I know I write it differently every time, but you do get what I mean with the letters, right?), and this shows quite a mature way of thinking - especially the latter two lines.
Now, you already said this. Quite a few times through the poem, I had this "I already read that" feeling. I understand you want to send a message of a sort with this poem, and show the importance of the problem and need of its solution, but saying it too many times makes it lose on effectiveness. When it comes to these matters, I think you should aim at messages which are clear and direct, backed up with good reasons, and told in a way which would really make the readers notice them and think about them.
You did that in some places of this poem, and those are brilliant, in my opinion. In others, however, you just basically rephrased same old phrases and thoughts, and it simply lost on importance.
Apart from that, and the rhyming/rhythm issues which I mentioned, I did like this poem. It deals with quite a tough subject, an issue spread worldwide, from a very mature point of view. It's great to see someone your age forming opinions and keeping your stand on these topics, and it's even greater (to me) to see those standings expressed through art :3
That would be all from me, feel free to let me know if you ever need anything
~Aria
Hey!
A short review.
I liked this poem, and I especially liked
This is because before this, there was one time you referred to the gender discrimination being the same as a racial one, but this stanza really tied it all together, and kept it consistent. Consistency in all things!
So I liked that, and the poem itself is nice, but it somehow feels a little...flat. Not boring, but it doesn't have any spark to draw the reader in. I think the part with the marriage certificate was rather interesting, and pulled me in quite well. However, I feel that maybe focusing more on your theme directly could be more effective. Even poems need a strong backing, and this seems a little flippant. (still a nice piece XD)
Next, I feel as though the rhyming is a little awkward. Poems don't have to rhyme, but you seem to have tried to twist every bit into a rhyme scheme that isn't very defined. If you do decide to go through with the rhyme scheme, you have to try to make sure there's a kind of distinguishable rhyme scheme to give the thing some proper rythm. This can make reading a lot easier too.
On the whole, I still liked this poem. Once or twice having issues with my gender identity (I couldn't decide if I was straight or bi), I think this poem echoes many of the things that ran through my mind :')
This was a good job!
Keep Writing~
-Binder
Welcome to YWS, I'm beccalicious94 here to review your poem. First off, it was a pleasure to read. You picked a poignant and (unfortunately) relevant topic to today's times and explained well its issues. I loved the rhyming, it reminded me of a Dr. Suess poem--playful language but serious topic. My favorite part of the poem was:
"America the bold the brave,
Needs to learn how to behave.
Gay is a description,
It can't be cured with a prescription."
While some of the rhymes seemed a bit forced, in general most were refreshing. A few minor punctuation and capitalizations could be made to improve the poem aesthetically. Overall, I think you did a great job. Keep up the good work, and write on!