Young Writers Society

This is the first zombie related poem I've ever read. It was good. It kept me entertained for a while.

Hi! Storybraniac here to review. This was a good poem! I really like poems that tell a story, and your poem about the zombie apocalypse is unique. Your description of the zombies/environment/yourself really brings this poem into a new light, one that is much more personal and real. I wasn't too fond of the rhyming scheme; some of the rhymes seemed forced and they were placed in an inconsistent pattern. I spotted a "to" that should have been "too"; but I can't seem to find where it is!? I would use a word other than "vain" in "Causes me pain, Anger,and vain" simply because vain isn't really something that can be caused. Other than those couple of things, I liked you poem!

Storybraniac

Great poem, and I am very glad you have rhymed it. I find poems that are indistinguishable from paragraphs kind of annoying. A few of the rhymes were a little lame, to maintain prose pattern, but that's ok. Better that than not rhyming at all. Some of the rhymes were rather interesting, and I hardly need to point out the strangeness of the post apocalyptic subject matter, and for half the poem, the point of view. As a hint, don't watch walking dead late at night.

This was a good poem! I really like poems that tell a story, and your poem about the zombie apocalypse is unique. Your description of the zombies/environment/yourself really brings this poem into a new light, one that is much more personal and real. I wasn't too fond of the rhyming scheme; some of the rhymes seemed forced and they were placed in an inconsistent pattern. I spotted a "to" that should have been "too"; but I can't seem to find where it is!? I would use a word other than "vain" in "Causes me pain, Anger,and vain" simply because vain isn't really something that can be caused. Other than those couple of things, I liked you poem!

modernzombie, your title is what lured me to read this baby and review it, and I love it! Below, I will tell you things that I think would help you to improve this piece, and things that I think you did exceptionally well:

Needs Improvement:
1. Grammar/spelling. I won't elaborate, mainly because I know there are people who will nitpick in this department, and I will not. I prefer to get to the meat and potatoes of the piece, instead of picking out every little typo. Editing for grammar/spelling is something you do once you are entirely finished with the piece and have nothing left to add or take out.

2. Most of your lines flow nicely, but there are a few longer lines that do no flow, being that most of your lines are shorter and to the point. An example of one of your lines that don't flow as nicely is in stanza five:
"It's to save my life,/
I didn't know this is how i would use a knife."
See what I mean? It just doesn't sound...right. I'm sure you could easily come up with something that flows better.

3. Some of your stanzas have three lines, some four lines, some five lines, and some even more. Perhaps you could do a major edit and figure out a way that you can make all stanzas have the same amount of lines. I know there are really no rules to poetry, but I just think the uniformity of that would look nice and make things flow better.

I particularly like your last two lines! And the fact that your first stanza is the same as your second to last stanza is a fantastic play on words. It provides uniformity and stability, which readers often love, and it emphasizes the point you are making. Another part I specifically liked was:
"We are impropriety.
We have ruined society."
That says it all, really! That sums up this poem nicely!

All in all, I feel this was an extremely creative piece and I loved the topic and the way it was written. Keep it up!

-FireFox